Lobster CSI: Subtitled: “Oceans Six.” Or…….”Lobstergate.”

mmmmm

I think you’re on to something Agent Lobsterstokes

*************(UPDATE)***********The lobsterman mentioned in today’s blog, Justin Maderia will not face charges for dating, um, sorry, for catching undersized lobsters. A judge declared a mistrial after a jury told the court it was unable to reach a unanimous decision**********************************************

I see a new movie coming down the pike….”Oceans Six,” starring George Clooney as an errant lobsterman run afoul of the law. Or, a new CSI TV spinoff……”CSI Lobster.”

YES! We have a major lobster crime taking place as we speak, or, um, as I write today’s breaking news about lobster crime here in Connecticut. Horrible I tell ya….horrible. The despicable things people do to poor innocent underaged lobsters. Even the Mafia isn’t this bad.

mmmm

Ok…OK…..so maybe they are

But this crime involves short lobsters.

And, being short myself, five feet, four inches, I can relate to this story.

In case you’ve been under a reef or something, let me drag you into this net of intrigue with a big claw.

mmmmmm

Or a biggggg knife

 

According to an article in “The New London Day” newspaper, it seems that a Stonington, Connecticut lobsterman, Justin Maderia, is accused of, (gasp) harvesting undersized lobsters in January of 2014.

Which, I guess is something like dating a woman who is not of age but you thought she was of age because she damn well looked older, although she was short, but you figured, what the hell, maybe she really is older.

mmmmm

Even if they are of age

Justin and his brother Travis operate the fishing boat “Lindy” and are charged with being in possession of four lobsters short of the 3 3/8 inch state minimum. Which I would assume, in their defense, is very hard to determine if you’re hauling in gazillions of lobsters, they all look the same, and ya can’t whip out a tape measure and measure each one.

AND….sure as hell, no undersized lobster is gonna come out and raise their claw and say, “Hey, I’m undersized ya damn jerk, throw me back.”

mmmmm

Obviously this applies to Connecticut lobstermen as well

Which causes a dilemma. Because then the brothers sold the lobsters to a local business and it’s against the law to sell undersized lobsters…..knowingly. However, they argue that their lobsters were mixed in with other lobsters so, basically, as I see it, and I suppose they do too, who TF knows whose lobsters are whose?

But, as lobstergate continues in a court of law, I found it amusing that this whole story involved lobsters caught in what the “Department of Energy and Environmental Protection, ” (DEEP) call “Area 6” which is part of Long Island Sound and part of Block Island, R.I., that conservation officer Gregory Ulkus testified that he received information that a local business was illegally buying those undersized lobsters, soooooo, he………in his own words…..

“Watched the Lindy coming into Stonington harbor and then followed Maderia in an unmarked car, (most likely one of those NCIS souped up Dodge Chargers) and watched him go into the business, “Seafood Etc,” and observed Justin and Travis (gasp) placing lobsters from a tote into a tank.” OMFG!!!

mmmmmm

Um….I’m not quite sure if this is the tank in question

To quote Ulkus:   “As I began looking at them, (the lobsters) I immediately noticed a couple of them were going to be short.. I began measuring all of them.”

His conclusion. At least (gasp) four were shorter that the legal length. Kinda like being at a carnival, wanting to go on a ride, but the sign says you have to be this tall.

Now I said I found this amusing. Not that the Maderia’s are in deep water, (pun) for allegedly selling undersized lobsters, but that this guy who’s a conservation officer drives an unmarked car so that guys catching lobsters won’t suspect they’re being watched.

Now if you were a fisherman would YOU be on the lookout for an unmarked car? Probably not. Maybe lobsters staging a protest, but surely not someone spying on you in an unmarked car.lobster9

It’s not like you were involved in a major crime here. True, if you were selling marijuana to undersized lobsters, or, at the least giving lobsters steroids to make them bulk up, I could see the need for an undercover operation possibly involving lobster SWAT teams, NCIS, (the water factor) and maybe even the “American Civil Liberties Union” for discrimination against short lobsters.”

Hmmm. Wonder what unmarked cars owned by lobster inspectors look like?

Well....it "IS" unmarked.....kinda

Well….it “IS” unmarked…..kinda

Anyhow, it remains to be seen how this will all turn out. Presently Justin Maderia’s fate will be determined by a six-member lobster jury and if found guilty of fraternizing with short lobsters could face a year in prison.

So, you ask yourselves, why is this such a big deal for the government?

Because, as David Simpson, director of marine fisheries for DEEP, (no relation to the TV Simpsons) pointed out, “We do have an ongoing very serious problem in Long Island Sound. A resource collapse. (lobsters) It’s really our worse nightmare. The concern is if we slip much more, we may not be able to rebuild the stock.”

Which means basically that lobsters need to be able to reproduce. Which I guess means that they have to grow to full size in order to get it on with other lobsters and if ya catch them before they are full size they never get to experience sex with other lobsters and therefore can’t reproduce.

Not being an expert on lobster sex, BUT, being short myself, I don’t quite understand why lobsters who are short can’t have sex.

But, who TF am I to question at what age or size lobsters can get it on with other lobsters. Must be yet another government department with unmarked cars, or submarines who study lobster reproduction that know all that stuff.

mmmm

No good rotten ratfinks

Gawd…..the things ya learn on the Internet.

Excuse me….I’m going to the seafood store to buy some scallops. BUT……first I’m checking to see if an unmarked government scallop car is following me and I’m bringing a measuring tape with me jussssst in case.

Oh yeah……you knew THIS was coming……….   http://youtu.be/n4QSYx4wVQg

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DILLIGARA (or lobsters) header: chickart@cox.net

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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