OMG!!! God Is A Woman!!!! Boy Are We Guys In Serious Trouble.

Catholic Priest Who Died for 48 Minutes Claims That God Is Actually A Female

(photo) Father John Michael O’Neal claims God is a woman

First of all the story line I stumbled upon while surfing the Internet from a site called, “The Controversial Files.”

(excerpts from their article are in quotes. These > “” things)

(my comments are the stupid ones NOT in quotes…..cept for one)

“A Catholic priest from Massachusetts was officially declared dead for around 48 minutes before a medical team were able to revive his heart with the help of a high-tech machine called LUCAS 2 made headlines as he claims that he got the chance to see the Almighty God and what makes his claim controversial is due to his statement that God is actually a female.”

mmmmm

Um…not yet….a few more millenniums

This basically spells trouble for all us guys who thought for sure God was one of us when we prayed for stuff. Like when we were in a bar, spotted a hot babe, and said, “Oh puleeeese Gawd, let me score one here.”

If we struck out…..NOW we know the reason why.

“Meet Father John Micheal O’Neal, he was declared dead for 48 minutes but good thing that the doctors  managed to revive his heart to a normal rhythm. The only concern that time was the huge possibility that he might suffer brain damage from the incident. But a miracle did happen as Father O’Neal woke up less than 48 minutes later and showed signs that he had perfectly recovered from the incident.”

BUT…..while he was up there did he get his parking ticket validated?

“The 71-year-old priest claims that during his 48 minutes of being dead, he had the chance to go to heaven and actually met God. People were shocked as O’Neal described God as a warm and comforting motherly figure.”

mmmmm

Hmmm. Might prove the guy was actually there

According to reports:

“The elderly man claims that he has clear and vivid memories of what happened to him while he was dead. He describes a strange out-of-body experience, experiencing an intense feeling of unconditional love and acceptance, as well as being surrounded by an overwhelming light.”

Kinda like ya feel when you’re just getting those drugs they give you when you’re about to have a colonoscopy and the last thing you remember is that damn bright light over your head.

mmmmm

Like a longgggggggggg colonoscopy tube for cripes sake!!!!

“He claims that at that point in his experience, he went to Heaven and encountered God, which he described as a feminine, mother-like “Being of Light.”

OK….I’m still going with the colonoscopy theory. Only because I myself recall, shortly after the drugs started to take effect, some really hot looking nurse standing over me, and, me thinking to myself, “Boy does she look hot under those bright lights and wow……I can, with those bright lights, almost see through her dress.” Then I think I zoned out.

mmmmm

OK…..I’m screwed

“The declarations of the cleric caused quite a stir in the Catholic clergy of the archdiocese over the last few days, causing the Archbishop to summon a press conference to try to calm the rumors”

Ok…look folks, just try and calm down here. We can’t prove that Father O’Neal actually saw God as he has reported. And, it’s not like we can call God and ask him..or…um…her…um….whatever, to verify that he was actually there.

Unless he actually did get his parking ticket validated.

But, just to be on the safe side till we’re able to clear things up, you men out there might wanna just cool it a bit when you go to confession….if ya catch my drift. Oh yeah, you women reporters in the crowd, stop that damn snickering.

“Despite the disapproval of his superiors, Father O’Neal says that he will continue dedicating his life to God and spread the word of  the “Holy Mother.”

Hey…..when in doubt….might as well cover all your bases. Jusssssst in case God really is a woman and this guy is right. Can’t hurt.

mmmmm

Now I might wanna go with the God is a woman theory

“The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston cannot confirm yet if they will allow Father O’Neal to resume his preaching practices in his former parish in South Boston.”

“I wish to continue preaching, I would like to share my new knowledge of the Mother, the Son and the Holy Ghost with all catholics and even all Christians. God is great and almighty despite being a woman…” – Father John Micheal O’Neal

mmmmm

If Fox News had been in a coma and had a chance to talk to God


Soooooo. As  I see it, the story, and not God as a woman, how can anyone be sure he saw what he saw or if he just imagined it because of his clerical background?

Me….I’m leaning towards him imagining he saw God, woman or not, because he’s devoted to the Catholic church and, my guess, being a holy man, obviously, when dreaming, or near death, or having a colonoscopy, would dream holy things. Makes sense to me.

I base my theory on the fact that when I, never having been near death, but dreaming and having had several colonoscopies, have had some pretty weird recollections myself. None of which have had anything to do with seeing God.

Most likely because I’m not in the clergy.

As I recall, most of my recollections have been seeing lots of numbers scroll over my head which, when I awaken, remember, then run out and play those numbers on lottery tickets. None of which have ever come in.

If only.................

If only……………..

Which may prove one thing.

That both Father O’Neal and I saw what we wanted to see. His while near death and mine while under some really great drugs.

However, not being able to prove he was right or wrong in his claim that God is a woman, there might be a bit of credibility to his claim.

I only say this because after playing those lottery numbers I always see, as I said, they never come in.

So, considering Father O’Neal’s holy stature, and mine, lusting after women, (Italian blood) me thinkith the odds are in his favor considering the odds were not in my favor playing those numbers I saw because maybe….jusssst maybe he’s right and God IS a woman and she’s pissed off at me.

mmmm

Oops…….

Just sayin.’………………….Amen.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to OMG!!! God Is A Woman!!!! Boy Are We Guys In Serious Trouble.

  1. Crista Olufs says:

    Does that mean women will get equal pay now, since the truth is out, God is a woman? Like Rodney Dangerfield used to say “I can’t get no respect”, will that chane to? WOW, AWESOME, men will start acting like gentlemen again? COOL! I’ll believe it when I see it. Ha…ha,ha. To much temptation and evil on this earth, men are to easily tempted, “Bad Boys, Bad Boys what ya gonna do?”😂😅😆LOLOL

  2. katydidknot says:

    I had this argument with a woman I dated (who was a strict fundamentalist type, somehow): I don’t understand why God would need genitalia of any kind. I mean, if there’s only one God, can we at least admit that gender-specific genitalia would be, um, not strictly necessary?

    Certainly a female Supreme Being makes more logical sense than male, since God creates life and all… but again, genitalia are complementary, and in in this case, complementary to WHAT?

    The question is kind of scary if you think about it. What would God’s naughty bits be used for?

  3. misfit120 says:

    I don’t EVEn wanna go there Katy. (naughty bits) Although it WAS rather tempting.

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