Can ya tell I’m not a big fan of the Oscars. Actually I’m not a big fan of ANY awards show. PERIOD!
I’ll tell ya why. The entertainment industry by far is the only industry that annually pats itself on the back for doing a job well done. Well done for giving all of us slugs such great movies and superstars.
Like no one else on the face of the earth deserves to receive an annual award on national TV where we can all thank as many people as we can before they signal us to get off the freakin’ stage or we’re gonna get the hook.
And besides sucking a lot of brain-dead TV viewers into watching the Oscars, they first subject us, (not me) into hours of agony watching people we’ve never heard of, like film editors, producers, directors, animation people, film splicers, special effects people, the caterer, sound man, along with cartoon characters, and, the only part of the show that is worth watching, remembering those who have passed on.
Some of whom they forgot, Joan Rivers, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Jan Hooks, to name a few.
BUT…….they DID remember all the behind the scenes people. Go figure.
What this all boils down to is conceit.
“Heyyyyyyyyyy. Look at us. We gave you this movie. Aren’t we Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“OMFG we are sooooooooooooo talented.
AND……….you get to watch all of us on TV pat each other on the back for giving you all these great movies that WE decide which are great and deserve to get an Oscar. Only because you low life regular people who watch our movies don’t have enough intelligence to be trusted with voting what you think is a great movie.
Which is why you see us voting on what movie is great even BEFORE you slugs get to see it in a movie theater. After all, we should know what movies are great….we made them. WTF do YOU people know for Gawds sake.
Do you know why a lot of people watch those award shows?
To ogle the stars. Which we, as movie goers and DVD renters of movies make millions of dollars for. WE the public made them what they are.
BUT….try and meet one. Or send one a letter. Maybe just pick up the phone and say, “Hey…..Benedict Cumberbatch, how ya doin.’ Yeah, I wuz just watchin’ yer movie and wanted to tell ya that………..huh……..you’re the doorman at Ben’s apartment building. Um, can I talk to him?”
Which is just about as far as you’ll get. Or close to.
Personally I didn’t know who TF Benedict Cumberwhatever was until they started advertising that movie “The Imitation Game.” Didn’t give a f**k either.
But there he was with just about anybody who’s nobody sitting there in the audience applauding each other and thinking to themselves, “Motherf**ker….why didn’t I get that damn Oscar. Bastards!”
In my own demented opinion the Oscars, along with every other pat ourselves on the back for a job well done show, should be relegated to a half hour and only shown on “Demand TV.” Best actor, actress, supporting actor and actress and best movie. What TF more do we need to know? DUH!
That way the rest of us can watch regular brain-dead mindless TV without having our normal prime time TV shows preempted to watch that crap.
Now you might think I have a chip on my shoulder. Actually several.
You’d be correct.
Because, as I stated, it’s Hollywood thanking themselves for one. Secondly, because these people , other than the gazillions they rake in from their movies, could give a big rats ass about you and I as long as we pay to see their movies and they can make a buck. Thirdly, because…..I refer back to……my “rats ass” theory.”
Yes, I have a few chips on my shoulder. Ya know, if I take the time to bang out a letter to someone, say like my friend Nicholas Bellantoni, Archeologist at the University of Connecticut, author, researcher, and well-known world wide……the guy responds. He doesn’t think he’s way above everyone else. That’s my kinda “personality.”
But, when writing my last novel, “The Covert Chamber,” I sent FREE copies to a number of directors and producers, who I shall not name because I don’t want to embarrass them, (Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard) only to get my package back unopened and refused.
Now if “I” take the time to mail out a FREE book, ($6.95 USPS) ya think someone there would at least have opened up the package clearly marked, “BOOK.” But noooooooo.
“Hey Ron, some guy from Connecticut sent us what appears to be a book hoping that we’ll, ha, ah, ah, ha, read it and might be interested in making a movie out of it.”
“WHAT! Is that guy freakin’ nuts. Doesn’t he know WE decide what movies to make, not some slug who thinks he’s got a great book. F**k him…..just mark it refused and send it back. That’ll teach the a**hole.”
Wanna know how bright these idiots are? Take a look at these books that were “rejected” by the know it alls, or they never bothered to open a packaged marked “book,” like Spielberg and Howard and the rest that made it to the bestseller list and some of which were made into movies and…yes…..they, (the movie industry) made gazillions off of.
“The Diary of a Young Girl,” Anne Frank; “Valley of the Dolls,” Jacqueline Susann; “Animal Farm,” George Orwell; “Harry Potter,” J. K. Rowling; “Chicken Soup For The Soul,” Jack Canfield and Mark Victor, “Lolita,” Vladimir Nabokov; and “Jonathan Livingston Seagull,” Richard Bach.
So do they know what next great novel or movie could be in a package they receive? NO!
WHY! Because they’re too busy patting themselves on the back for what they’ve done rather for what they could be doing. Discovering NEW ideas for movies that maybe all of us want to see. By perhaps unknown writers and artists, some of whom may work in menial every day jobs, who never get any recognition or an award, but are just as talented as those conceited individuals who parade across the stage and thank everybody for making them a biggggggg success.
So the next time you watch an awards show, remember what you won’t hear.
“I’d like to thank (insert your name here) for writing this great book while (he/she) toiled away every day working at (insert job here) making $8.50 and hour so that one day (he/she) would be discovered, their book made into this wonderful movie, and I was able to receive this award.”
BUT…..what you WILL hear…………………..
“I’d like to thank the Academy, my producer Roger Grosnick, my director, Ralph Fernsdork, my writers Harvey and Seymour Gigglestein, my hair stylist, Buster Zifferman, my wardrobe consultant, Maggie Slabonsky, my personal chef, Fatso Babaloni, my mother, bless her heart, Martha, thanks mom, my dad, Melvin, my cat Fluffy, my limo driver Sam, and um…did I forget anybody…um…er…….
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