The Oscars: I Wanna Thank My Mother, My Mother’s Mother, My Grandmother, and…and…and…and….

mmmm

Um…I’d like to thank Comcast, my utility company………..

Can ya tell I’m not a big fan of the Oscars. Actually I’m not a big fan of ANY awards show. PERIOD!

I’ll tell ya why. The entertainment industry by far is the only industry that annually pats itself on the back for doing a job well done. Well done for giving all of us slugs such great movies and superstars.

Like no one else on the face of the earth deserves to receive an annual award on national TV where we can all thank as many people as we can before they signal us to get off the freakin’ stage or we’re gonna get the hook.

Soreeeee pal....we got more important stuff to present awards to

Soreeeee pal….we got more important stuff to present awards to

And besides sucking a lot of brain-dead TV viewers into watching the Oscars, they first subject us, (not me) into hours of agony watching people we’ve never heard of, like film editors, producers, directors, animation people, film splicers, special effects people, the caterer, sound man, along with cartoon characters, and, the only part of the show that is worth watching, remembering those who have passed on.

Some of whom they forgot, Joan Rivers, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Jan Hooks, to name a few.

BUT…….they DID remember all the behind the scenes people. Go figure.

What this all boils down to is conceit.

“Heyyyyyyyyyy. Look at us. We gave you this movie. Aren’t we Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“OMFG  we are sooooooooooooo talented.

Thnx to Brian & Greg Walker....we think alike

Thnx to Brian & Greg Walker….we think alike

AND……….you get to watch all of us on TV pat each other on the back for giving you all these great movies that WE decide which are great and deserve to get an Oscar. Only because you low life regular people who watch our movies don’t have enough intelligence to be trusted with voting what you think is a great movie.

Which is why you see us voting on what movie is great even BEFORE you slugs get to see it in a movie theater. After all, we should know what movies are great….we made them. WTF do YOU people know for Gawds sake.

mmmmmm

Do you know why a lot of people watch those award shows?

To ogle the stars. Which we, as movie goers and DVD renters of movies make millions of dollars for. WE the public made them what they are.

BUT….try and meet one. Or send one a letter. Maybe just pick up the phone and say, “Hey…..Benedict Cumberbatch, how ya doin.’ Yeah, I wuz just watchin’ yer movie and wanted to tell ya that………..huh……..you’re the doorman at Ben’s apartment building. Um, can I talk to him?”

Which is just about as far as you’ll get. Or close to.

Personally I didn’t know who TF Benedict Cumberwhatever was until they started advertising that movie “The Imitation Game.” Didn’t give a f**k either.

But there he was with just about anybody who’s nobody sitting there in the audience applauding each other and thinking to themselves, “Motherf**ker….why didn’t I get that damn Oscar. Bastards!”

mmmmm

“Silent Movie.”….um…ok……it’s ok to talk thru this one

In my own demented opinion the Oscars, along with every other pat ourselves on the back for a job well done show, should be relegated to a half hour and only shown on “Demand TV.” Best actor, actress, supporting actor and actress and best movie. What TF more do we need to know? DUH!

That way the rest of us can watch regular brain-dead mindless TV without having our normal prime time TV shows preempted to watch that crap.

Now you might think I have a chip on my shoulder. Actually several.

You’d be correct.

Why?

Because, as I stated, it’s Hollywood thanking themselves for one. Secondly, because these people , other than the gazillions they rake in from their movies, could give a big rats ass about you and I as long as we pay to see their movies and they can make a buck. Thirdly, because…..I refer back to……my “rats ass” theory.”rats ass

Yes, I have a few chips on my shoulder. Ya know, if I take the time to bang out a letter to someone, say like my friend Nicholas Bellantoni, Archeologist at the University of Connecticut, author, researcher, and well-known world wide……the guy responds. He doesn’t think he’s way above everyone else. That’s my kinda “personality.”

But, when writing my last novel, “The Covert Chamber,” I sent FREE copies to a number of directors and producers, who I shall not name because I don’t want to embarrass them, (Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard) only to get my package back unopened and refused.covert chamber

Now if “I” take the time to mail out a FREE book, ($6.95 USPS) ya think someone there would at least have opened up the package clearly marked, “BOOK.” But noooooooo.

“Hey Ron, some guy from Connecticut sent us what appears to be a book hoping that we’ll, ha, ah, ah, ha, read it and might be interested in making a movie out of it.”

“WHAT! Is that guy freakin’ nuts. Doesn’t he know WE decide what movies to make, not some slug who thinks he’s got a great book. F**k him…..just mark it refused and send it back. That’ll teach the a**hole.”laugh1

Wanna know how bright these idiots are? Take a look at these books that were “rejected” by the know it alls, or they never bothered to open a packaged marked “book,” like Spielberg and Howard and the rest that made it to the bestseller list and some of which were made into movies and…yes…..they, (the movie industry) made gazillions off of.

“The Diary of a Young Girl,” Anne Frank; “Valley of the Dolls,” Jacqueline Susann; “Animal Farm,” George Orwell; “Harry Potter,” J. K. Rowling; “Chicken Soup For The Soul,” Jack Canfield and Mark Victor, “Lolita,” Vladimir Nabokov; and “Jonathan Livingston Seagull,” Richard Bach.

So do they know what next great novel or movie could be in a package they receive? NO!

mmmm

SEEEEE,,,,,,,they could have missed this one

WHY! Because they’re too busy patting themselves on the back for what they’ve done rather for what they could be doing. Discovering NEW ideas for movies that maybe all of us want to see. By perhaps unknown writers and artists, some of whom may work in menial every day jobs, who never get any recognition or an award, but are just as talented as those conceited individuals who parade across the stage and thank everybody for making them a biggggggg success.

So the next time you watch an awards show, remember what you won’t hear.

“I’d like to thank (insert your name here) for writing this great book while (he/she) toiled away every day working at (insert job here) making $8.50 and hour so that one day (he/she) would be discovered, their book made into this wonderful movie, and I was able to receive this award.”

BUT…..what you WILL hear…………………..

“I’d like to thank the Academy, my producer Roger Grosnick, my director, Ralph Fernsdork, my writers Harvey and Seymour Gigglestein, my hair stylist, Buster Zifferman, my wardrobe consultant, Maggie Slabonsky, my personal chef, Fatso Babaloni, my mother, bless her heart, Martha, thanks mom, my dad, Melvin, my cat Fluffy, my limo driver Sam, and um…did I forget anybody…um…er…….

Eh....WAIT doc.....I ain't done thankin' everybody yet.....

Eh….WAIT doc…..I ain’t done thankin’ everybody yet…..

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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6 Responses to The Oscars: I Wanna Thank My Mother, My Mother’s Mother, My Grandmother, and…and…and…and….

  1. Denalees says:

    Hey, how about contacting your publisher and having your book converted to an ebook? Then making it available on other readers like a NooK…not all of us want to own a kindle.
    Just saying.

    Thanks ahead of time from those of us who wish to read your book in an ebook format!
    Have a quality day!

  2. Yes, the Oscars can be overmuch. I prefer the Screen Actors awards because it addresses just the actors. BAFTA, the British awards show, is also more intelligent and entertaining. They regard acting for what it is….a job. I don’t know how much you know about the entertainment world of stage, movies,radio, and television, but I’m from the old school, raised in the business with family and friends in it . For l5 years I also worked as a publicist and as an assistant to celebrities. It is a tough business, highly competitive,cruel in its rejection, and the people who work in it, especially actors, have families to support. Most of them, even being highly creative, are, basically, looking for jobs to provide a living. The majority are not making a living at their craft. The ones who do have worked their way up by hard work and, a definite equation, by luck. Being in the right place at the right time, knowing the right person are important factors. So, please, in all categories, allow them to have one night in which they are honored. They’ve worked for it.

    • misfit120 says:

      Thanks….appreciate the input. I DO realize the work artists put into their craft. I do not take that away from them. It’s the industry as a whole, as I said, patting themselves on the back while many other equal professions do not have the same opportunity….at least on national prime time TV. Now take us bloggers for instance…………um…..well…..maybeeeeeeeee not. : ) (BTW, Again….Happy Birthday to you and I in Feb)

      • Remember that the industry is run by Suits,who only understand the money talent can make for them, not the talent. I agree that other professions should have A Hall of Fame (the way athletes do). Advertisers would not back other professions, unfortunately, unless it was going to draw a large audience. As Aquarians, you and I have a strong sense of social justice, so I understand the desire to have other professions receive public recognition. Thanks for the birthday wishes. The same to you. I hope it is a prosperous, joyful year for us.

    • misfit120 says:

      Possibly Crista. I’m not convinced that God IS a woman yet, but, jusssst in case I’ve restructured my prayers each night so as they are not gender specific. I’m playing it safe.

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