Very soon I will be suffering from a condition I call, “NWWOFTVS.” (Nothing Worth Watching On F**king TV Syndrome”)
I suspect there will be a new medical profession catering to those of us who suffer from this condition. Or a new drug to help us out.
Unless I just take 2 doses of Viagra or Cialias, get a combined total of an 8 hour erection every night and won’t give a rats ass what’s on the tube.
I’m into my suffering because those TV brainiacs who decide what all of us lemmings are gonna watch, also have the power to decide what we’re not gonna watch.
Let me explain.
It all began months ago when they cancelled “Longmire.” Then they cancelled
“Vegas.” Then they cancelled “The Glades.” Then they ended “The Medium,” and “CSI New York,” “Without A Trace,” and in the past week…(sob) ended “CSI,” and “The Mentalist.”
AND….comin’ down the ol time to dump another great program route, (gasp) “JUSTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Alllllllllllllll the programs I watched. Namely because none of them had the dreaded word “reality” in them and, which is beyond comprehension, actually had story lines, action, and drama in them. What a f**king concept.
The only TV programs left, to me, (not my other half) that I look forward to watching are “Blue Bloods” with Tom Selleck , “Person of Interest” starring Jim Cavizel, and “Criminal Minds.” When they go………my TV sets become planters.
Of course my other half would disagree because, excluding reality TV, she loves “mindless” TV.
I’m tellin’ ya that woman would watch a show about grass growing or paint drying and laugh her butt off. Actually, she’s doing that right now as I’m writing this blog. I think she’s watching the Knitting Channel. Ooooooooo……exciting stuff.
One of the reasons I can’t get into a lot of today’s TV offerings is that, basically, there are no offerings….worth watching. Let me break it down for you from my perspective.
First of all my cable bill runs close to a hundred dollars a month for six gazillion channels, 10 of which I watch, the rest the cable company thinks I should be watching, because, obviously, they know what’s best for me.
Like those foreign language channels. I do not speak a foreign language so why the f**k should my cable package include a foreign channel?
So I call my cable company and ask them that and they say, “Well Mr. Misfit, we include that because some people want foreign language channels.”
To which I reply, ‘Yeah, but I ain’t one of them. I get enough foreign language when I call a tech support line and reach some guy in India!!!!”
Obviously the solution to this would be allowing consumers to “menu pick” what they want and charge them accordingly. However, this falls into the “logic” category and we all know where that reasoning would go.
Next is what I mentioned earlier. “Mindless TV.” First on my list is reality TV because WTF is reality TV? Watching someone else’s life? Why the hell would I want to watch someone else’s life? I’m watching my own freakin’ life trying to deal with it. Ya think I need to watch someone else’s life too.
AND….how real do ya think those reality shows are anyhow? Think about this for a sec. If you had a bunch of camera men and techs runnin’ around your house filming you, how the hell much “reality” do you think they’re gonna get?
“Dear, be sure to smile when you go to the bathroom for the reality cameras. And don’t forget to put the toilet seat down.”
Another thing that pisses me off to no end……..laugh tracks on those sitcoms.
WHAT! They need to insert a bunch of people laughing after every lame comment that’s supposed to be funny in a sitcom? Like we don’t know what’s funny or not.
Take this test. Watch your favorite sitcom and tell me if you’d laugh at half the supposedly funny lines the actors are saying. At the same time count the number of times they insert laugh tracks. MINDLESS!!!!!
And where the hell did they get that laugh track from in the first place? Did they invite a bunch of people into the studio back in 1959, give them all some really good weed, waited till they were really stoned outta their trees, and then let them watch the show and recorded them as they laughed at anything.
“OMFG Thelma, that last scene was sooooooo funny. I think I peed my pants.”
“Oh yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. Ya mean the one where the guy can’t figure out how to peel a banana…OMG…..sooooo funny, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.”
So ya see, I’m just about at the point where I’m going on-line to order a bunch of seeds from this Spring’s Burpee Seed catalog so that when the final straw that breaks the ol camel’s back, (mine) I’ll be hauling out my TV sets to the backyard and converting them into planters or bird feeders.
You’ll know when that happens without me writing about it when you hear about “Blue Bloods,” “Person of Interest” and “Criminal Minds” being cancelled.
Along with my obituary after my other half kills me because she went berserk not having her “mindless” TV programs to watch.
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