Yes folks…I’m blowing my own horn. IF, I actually had a horn to blow.
Um. WAIT! (running outside and blowing my truck horn) OK….I feel much better now. Yes people. I am celebrating my (gasp) 73rd freakin’ birthday today.
Which made me look back at what the hell I did with all those years. At least those that I remember. The 60’s were kind of fuzzy. Waaaaaaaay too much weed. Only because it was free and, hey….why let it go to waste.
Let me explain. See this photo below.
See the tall grass to the right of the car. Yep….marijuana growing freely right across from the radio station I worked at. Go figure. It happened this way. Next to that weed was a fertilizer plant. The fertilizer was made from various grasses harvested in field somewhere where cows roamed and also, while pausing to roam, pooped, on the grass, which fertilized marijuana growing wildly, which, was then harvested by the fertilizer company, transported by rail to the plant, which, after emptying their loads, swept out the rail cars of residue, which included marijuana seeds, which, in turn, grew next to my car. Hence…FREE!!!!
Until the Gestapo eventually realized what was happening and torched the entire grass area. Bastards.
Anyhow, enough of that stuff. Here’s what I did with my 73 years for those of you who may not want to follow the same path into oblivion. Like this guy…….who’s close to my age….I think.
At 17 I enlisted in the Army because I was stupid and also thought I could get some radio training, that they promised me, if I enlisted. However, to qualify for radio training ya had to pass a Morse Code test. WTF did I know about Morse Freaking Code. Yep….flunked the test and SHAZAM! I became a truck driver for the Army. Go figure.
After the Army, I drove a taxi until my first radio job at that station pictured above and if you read my last blog, you would have seen the pic of me behind the mike at WRIB. Then, when that ended went back to driving a cab. Second gig at another radio station. And from there climbing the ladder till I got to the number one station in Providence, Rhode Island, WPRO. That ladder climbing included driving taxis between radio gigs.
Hey…almost the same thing. Ya get to talk on a microphone….um….to the taxi cab dispatcher.
Soooo, after reaching the top, obviously you have to head back down. (this is where I throw an old song in that always reminds me of life)
Well, on the way down, I (surprise….surprise…Gomer Pyle quote) drove taxi again,………………..worked for a TV station, got divorced, worked part-time radio, worked at a facility for the mentally challenged, drove taxi again, worked as a sales rep. for some record distribution companies, drove taxi again, worked for the phone company, drove taxi again, worked for the post office, got divorced a second time, (sometimes ya just can’t get it right) worked for AAA, then drove taxi again and then drove a limo for a casino and FINALLY retired from limo driving after 8 years of driving and one night of extreme bullshit when I just up and quit.
Had I just gone from driving a taxi at the beginning and just done that I could have eliminated all that crap in between.
So, combined, ya have 30 years of radio broadcasting combined with 30 years of taxi driving.
Soooooooooooo, after all that I wind up writing 2 books, working on a third and writing this inane blog. 73 years down the tubes.
BUT…..gawd damn I had sooooooooooooooooo much fun.
I don’t think if I had the chance to do it all over again that I’d ever change anything.
Waiting until my brain, which was connected to my woodster, matured to the point that I would have waited till I actually had a brain that was NOT connected to my Johnson BEFORE I got married……TWICE!
So on my day, I ask myself, how will I be remembered when my time comes to exit this planet? As a disc jockey? As a cab driver? A sales rep? A postal worker? A phone company worker? A AAA rep? An author” A blogger? What?
Well, I guess that entirely depends on who ya talk to. But, to put it in perspective, I’ll leave all of you with a joke……..which might say it all.
Jack is sitting at a bar having a few drinks and looking kinda down. His buddy Sam walks in and asks Jack why he looks so gloomy.
Jack says, “Ya know Sam, I’ve done a lot of things in my life. I’m an expert carpenter, I can make anything out of wood. I’m an excellent mechanic and can repair any car with a problem. I’ve even written a number of books on a lot of subjects. I once built an entire house by myself with not even a blueprint.”
So Sam asks, “So what’s the long face for Jack, you should be proud of your accomplishments in life.”
“Yeah, you’re right Jack. But do ya think they call me Jack the master carpenter. Or Jack the great mechanic. Or Jack the author. No!………….. But suck one c**k!”
OK….time for a birthday wish………………..
(Should you care to read my entire autobiography you can always fork over a few bucks at Amazon.com and buy my book, “I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love, and Life Got In The Way.”)
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