Chapter 2: MY Eternal Quest To Piss Off The Entire World

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Cept for buried mail boxes

I’m usually a very laid back kinda guy. I tend to roll with the punches. But, lately it seems like everyone is out to piss me off. And that really pisses me off considering I do my share of regular pissing because I tend to drink a lot of water. You know, that hydration stuff.

Anyhow, you may recall my pissed off state the other day when I wrote about logic. Which apparently does not exist at the United State Postal Service.

As does their motto: Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

Which, as I have learned, is a biggggggggggggg crock of shit.

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Providing they can reach your mailbox without exerting themselves and getting a hernia….or worse…..frostbite

It should read, “Neither snow, (unless it’s more than 2 inches) nor rain, (lest they actually have to walk in it) nor gloom of night, (unless their eyesight really sucks and they can’t see worth a f**k) stay these couriers from the swift, (as in the tortoise and the hare with the USPS being the tortoise) completion of their appointed rounds.”

OH YEAH!

Bullshit!

And ya wonder why the Post office is going broke.

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Which explains why my birthday cards always contained nothing

So here’s my pissed off rant today folks. Now mind you, logic is a key factor here, so pay close attention.

It snows on my mailbox. I shovel it out, along with my local fire hydrant, because I’m a very good citizen of my town. The plow comes along and buries both. I go back out and shovel again, and the #%@!&%$@! plow does it again, but this time in the dead of night so that it freezes by morning and it would take a blow torch to get that snow outta where I previously shoveled.

BUT……I get what I can, and there IS access to my mailbox. As you will intelligently observe by the documented CIA photo I took. Soooooooooo. All the mail person has to do is take one measly step outta their truck, reach out, and deposit my mail. How f**king simple is THAT!

But nooooooo. According to USPS written on stone tablets that Moses brought down from the mount, a mail person should not exit his vehicle to deposit mail lest he be exerting himself or get rear ended by a semi as he or she does their appointed rounds.

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The 11th Commandment

Quite understandable. BUT…..if you look carefully at the photo below, you will see that a white line indicates the breakdown lane and the proximity of my mailbox and the distance from where the truck would be and where the mailbox is. Obviously not a great distance that you’d have to take a taxi to get there.

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HEY USPS!!!! Does THIS look like your carrier would actually have to exert himself and get outta the freakin’ truck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooooooo. Do they deliver the mail. No!

Why, as explained to me by a postal official at my local USPS office. “Because they are not supposed to exit the truck sir.”

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Technically…NOT exiting the truck

Ok…..one more example……………

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OMFG!!!! He actually drove in the (gasp) SNOW!!!!!

Sooooo. I sez to the very intelligent person at the USPS, “Um, but I put mail out there to be picked up and they did pick it up.”

“Well sir, they’re not supposed to, but they did it as a favor .”

“Um ok, so if they can PICK UP the mail in my box, as a favor, why can’t they (at the same time) DROP OFF MY MAIL?”

“Sir, you’re missing the point here. As I just said to you, they are not supposed to leave their vehicle.”

Can ya see where logic is just not in the equation here folks.

Is it me, or is everyone at the USPS nucking futs?usps4

So, I left the USPS office pissed off and banged off a letter to the Postmaster General, or Major, whatever the f**k he is, and explained this “logic.” And as usual got the “Thank you for your letter and here is a case number for you to jot down just in case we get back to you in this century. After all, we ARE commonly referred to as “snail mail.”

But ya know, it’s not just the USPS that for one, does not understand the word “logic,” but just about anywhere you go these days.

How many times do you walk into a store to purchase something and the clerk is on a cell phone carrying on a conversation and looks at you like your interrupting them.

“Oh, excuse me pal, do ya want something? I’m really kinda busy here on my cell phone ya know.”

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Hold on a sec baybeeee…….some jerk ass customer wants something again

Yes…..service today sucks big time.

Go to a Wal-Mart on a busy “OMFG it’s gonna snow and I need bread and milk day” and there are lines a gazillion miles long and how many of the 15 registers do they have open.

Yep….5………….. WTF!usps6

And I’m NOT EVEN gonna mention those a**holes at Krispy Kreme Donuts. Um….on second thought….yes I am. Remember a while back when all I wanted was a freakin’ chocolate covered lemon filled donut and they acted like I was asking for the secret code to the nuclear button. Customer service sucks big time there as well.

Oh, by the way Krispy Kreme, thanks for the e-mail saying you’d look into this problem and NOT getting back to me. #!@!&*%#$@ jerks.

Again, customer service. Which apparently does not exist in our society anymore.

And all the f**k I wanted was chocolate on my freakin' donut

And all the f**k “I” wanted was chocolate on my freakin’ donut

Now, in conclusion. As I said, I did my best, as I always do, to shovel out that mailbox. I did my part. I gave the extra effort. Did the USPS go the extra mile. F**K no. Did Krispy Kreme? F**K no. Does Wal-Mart? F**K no!

I also, and I didn’t have to, shovel out my fire hydrant. Did I have to? No. But it’s the right thing to do because if anything ever happened at least the fire department wouldn’t waste precious time trying to find the fire hydrant the snow plows from hell buried several times.

Message to anyone who works at the USPS and in a customer service position.

Go the freakin’ extra mile.

I know, you may think it’ll kill you, but trust me on this one…..you’ll actually survive. AND…..your customers will think you’re the greatest. AND…..continue to patronize your establishment.

As far as the USPS goes.

My carrier just got taken off of my gratuity list at Christmas.

AND…….I’m paying all my bills on-line, using UPS and FedEx to mail stuff, and buying a really bigggggg angry dog and tying it to my mailbox.

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Bite the mail guy Rover….the mail guy!!!!

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2015 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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4 Responses to Chapter 2: MY Eternal Quest To Piss Off The Entire World

  1. Chris says:

    Love your blog, always! But have to ask, or comment, that you do know that motto was put on the NYC PO by the architect who designed the bldg. He enjoyed Greek literature, for some reason that escapes me, and decided that quote from some ancient book would look good on the building. As for the current PO, I understand your frustration 100%!

    • misfit120 says:

      You know that old saying Chris, “It’s all Greek to me.” Which, when he was designing that motto, most likely did not have a freakin’ clue what it meant, but figured, ah hell, looks good up there on the post off building, and, no one will EVER read it anyhow.

  2. katydidknot says:

    My mail carrier walks down the street placing in the mail in everyone’s mailbox. In fact, she couldn’t even reach any of the mailboxes from the truck.

    Which, now that I think about it, is kind of unusual.

    Maybe she’s not a real mail carrier.

    I don’t know. This revelation has really freaked me out a little. I might need to corner her next time I see her.

    It’ll be easy because she’s on foot.

    • misfit120 says:

      The foot soldiers are allowed to climb mountains of snow to get to your mail box because they do not have a truck. Which makes complete sense to me Katy. They can break a leg climbing snow piles to get to your front door but can’t reach out 2 feet out of their truck to put mail into a box. This falls into the “duh logic” category. Which, as you can tell by today’s blog, does not exist when you apply logic while conversing with a postal employee. And people say aliens do not exist.

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