As If I didn’t figure out this was the case already………….
Female Spys. Women Make The Best Spies
Any idiot knows that women obviously make the best spys. Why! Because men spys are a bunch of sexist slugs who’ll spill the beans to any woman under the right circumstances.
(James Bond) “You evil woman spy holding that biggggg gun on me. Torture me, gouge my eyes out, put toothpicks under my fingernails, make me watch continuous episodes of “Honey Boo Boo’ but I’ll never talk.”
“We’ll see about that Mr. Bond.” (Stripping clothes off and rubbing body against Mr. Bond)
“OMG!!! OK….OK….Damn! I’ll tell ya anything ya wanna know!!!”
Which is the main reason women always make the best spys. Any married man will also attest to this. (this falls into the “Not tonight dear I have a headache ploy” which falls under the sub category, “Married Women Make The Best Spys.”
Again, as any married man will attest to)
Which is also why the Navy once issued this postcard…..
Now for instance, in a 2012 article in “Forbes Magazine” they cited the fact that many of the top spys in the CIA and the Israeli Intelligence Agency Mossad, are women. (including Ziva from NCIS)
Why is this you ask? Well, I’ll tell ya. Because men are SHEEP! And, as I said, give us men sex and we’ll give away the secret location of the holy grail. Along with the Bush Beans secret recipe.
But, the real reason women make better spys is because they are better at multi-tasking, (having sex with men spys and then killing them as they are in the throes of passion)(multi-tasking) understanding complicated situations, (when was the last time they took their birth control pill) and suppressing their ego for the sake of accomplishing the mission.
“Damn, I forgot my makeup….ah, f**k it….I’m gonna kill the SOB anyhow.”
Belle Boyd was a Confederate spy during the U.S. Civil War. (a war where everyone fighting were pissed off but were still civil to one another)
She used her good looks and charm to get all sorts of secrets out of Union soldiers, and then passed the information on to Confederate officials. BUT….yes, there’s always a but. BUT….Boyd was eventually caught and arrested for her actions.
I know, you’re wondering jusssssssst what really good looks and charm she had.
Ok…ok…….so she wasn’t a looker. BUT……a little photo shop touch up by the Confederates and show this next photo of Belle to the Union soldiers along with a lick and a promise and that’s most likely how they got the information they wanted.
Then when they actually saw Belle in person, swore of those dating services sites on the Union Internet. My guess anyhow.
Then there was Nancy Wake who was an allied World War II spy who successfully avoided capture.
She helped establish secret communication lines between the British and the French resistance fighters. And she even said, by her own account, that she once killed a German sentry with her bare hands.
“Haltenzie! Who iss goink dere in der dark?”
“Oh, it’s only me sweetie. A little helpless damsel in distress looking for a biggggggggggg strong German sentry to rescue me from those awful dastardly American invaders….can you protect me?”
“Yah Fraulien, comen zee here und putt arminze around mine neck…heh heh.”
“Oh sure honeeeee.” (strangle, strangle, choke, choke)
“Ohhhh. Soreeee baybee. I failed to mention that I’m a spy and I suffer from PTCSS from when I lived on a farm before the war.”
“Cough, gasp, vot iss PTCSS? Cough gasp…..”
And if you think you could spot a woman spy easily, consider Elizabeth Bentley who spied for the Soviet Union during the 1930’s and 40’s and carried secret microfilm of sensitive documents in her knitting bag.
Let this be a lesson to all of you. Never trust a woman who knits a lot, ever lived on a farm with chickens, or is butt ugly but has a lot of charm.
Might wanna write those tips down if you’re a male spy seeking companionship on “eHarmony.com” “Christian Mingle.com” or SneakySpies.com.
Just sayin’……in secret of course.
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