For instance…….why is it that in the 1959 song by the Kingston Trio, “MTA” where they’re singing about that poor guy Charlie who didn’t have enough change to pay the conductor so that he could get off the train, that his wife used to meet him at the Scully Square station every day and hand him a sandwich through the window as the train was speeding by….but…..WTF, why didn’t she hand him a few bucks so he could get off of the damn train? Duh!
And it’s not just THAT song that defies logic. There’s a lot more that I’m just becoming aware of. Ya think I would have noticed these things long ago, considering I was a disc jockey for 30 years and played this stuff every single day. Go figure. But, as I said, sometimes logic takes me a long time to comprehend.
For instance……in the 1963 song by Jimmy Soul, “If Ya Wanna Be Happy,” he says, “If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.” Sooooooooooooo why is it then that guys always hit on girls that are pretty? I mean, ugly women, if Jimmy is correct, are great cooks, appreciate their husbands, AND…ya never have to worry about another guy hitting on them. Unless, um, it’s an ugly guy. Sounds completely logical to me.
Then there is women logic, that for the life of me I’ll NEVER get. For instance. Now pay close attention here. My computer sits in a spare room. Up the hall is our bedroom. I’d say maybe a good 15 feet from our bed. Sooooooo. My other half says she can’t sleep at night because the computer screen glow keeps her awake.
BUT……in the bathroom just four feet from our bedroom she has a bright night-light on all night long. Which actually is so bright I could read a newspaper in bed. Kinda. Soooooo, I say to her, “Why is it the computer light keeps you awake but that night-light doesn’t?” Her logical answer….”Because.” AND…..if you’re any guy, you know damn well that’s gonna be the final answer you’ll ever get. And ya wonder why I can’t comprehend a lot of stuff.
Here’s another one. As most of you know New England got slammed with tons of snow…ok, ok, it wasn’t tons, but it seemed like it…….ok..um….two feet or so. And then another storm on top of that.
And it’s not like I have the mother of all snow blowers like those people in Canada who are used to getting a lot of snow.
Now, logic, to me says, DO NOT GO OUT AND SHOVEL THE RURAL MAILBOX OR THE FRONT OF MY DRIVEWAY UNTIL I CAN SEE THE BLACKTOP ON MY ROAD AND ALL SNOW PLOWS GO BACK TO WHEREVER THEY COME FROM. (my guess would be hell)
That way all I have to do is go out and shovel one time and I’m all set.
Does that work? Nope. And I waited till the sun was shining and no snow plow was in sight. Yep…out of nowhere here comes a #&$#@! plow and buries my mailbox and driveway entrance…..7pm at night, so that it freezes overnight and is solid ice in the morning when I go out there to shovel.
“Hey Bruno. Wanna make some overtime? The sun’s a shinin’ and it’d be a great opportunity to take the plows out and rake in those OT bucks.”
“Um, sure, but we already plowed all there is to plow boss.”
“WHAT! Did ya plow so close to people’s front lawns ya either knocked over their mailbox or took half their lawn away?”
“Um…no….are we supposed to do that?”
“Hey…ya want the extra bucks or not?”
“Good point boss….I’ll get right on it.”
I presently, as of this morning, have to pick up my mail at the post office as I have not yet located my mailbox. And my next door neighbors are missing their “white” cat. Good luck with that one.
Then, because I absolutely hate going to the post office, I lost the argument with my other half about who was going to go in and do battle with those ballistic Freddie Kruger post office clerks.
Soooooooo, I walked into my post office today and wanted to mail a priority envelope to, of all places, Wisconsin. I say, “of all places” because the post office clerk and I went round and round about “of all places” when it comes to simply buying a freakin’ priority stamp. WHICH……is not the easiest thing to do. If you’re gonna mail anything to Wisconsin apparently.
At one time, eons ago, you could buy a priority stamp for (gasp) $4.95……….AND………………..SEND IT ANYWHERE IN THE YEW UNITED STATES!!!!
But allllllllllllllllllllllllll that’s changed. Now it’s where you’re gonna send it and what’s inside. Again.
Is it me or did I not understand those post office priority mail commercials with that geeky looking guy who says, “One package, one size, same price.” Or something to that effect.
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