Bartending, Drunks, Taxis, Hookers and Blogs. Not necessarily in that order.

mmmmm

And “THOSE” comments I get a lot of

Writing this blog and having a lot of people from all over the world follow it is one of the joys of writing this nonsense. And, I as well follow other bloggers just to see what the hell they’re writing. Lots of talented people out there, many of whom get no recognition.

As Rodney Romney used to say all the time, “I don’t get no respect.” Um….or was that Rodney Dangerfield? Not sure….they look so alike.

Anyhow, a fellow blogger……….. (can ya call a fellow blogger a “fellow” if it’s a female) maybe, who cares………..she’s a blogger…..fellow or not….get over it for cripes sake!

OK……fellow woman blogger “Suzie 81 Speaks,” wrote about her experiences as a bartender some years ago. Mainly the various characters who, one of which was fascinated with her boobs, and she had cute nicknames for all of them.  (the patrons, not her boobs)

And we all know that not only do you have to know how to deal with half soused patrons, but also how make every drink known to mankind if you’re a bartender. 'Larry That's not how you make a dirty martini'

I believe her blog was entitled. “Tales From Behind The Bar” and you can access it as well as her Facebook page at the following link. (below)

http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaksbar1

Soooooooooooo, where am I going with this? Well, Suzie inspired me to recall my days as a cab driver which I did for many years between radio jobs as a disc jockey.

mmmm

Yep….taxi companies will hire anyone

In fact, I made a comment on Suzie’s blog that I’d swear I had all of those characters she wrote about in my cab were it not for the fact that she’s in England and I’m here in the states.

I don’t have nicknames for the various characters I’ve met while driving a cab as Suzie does for the vast array of characters that came into the bar she was working at, but, I do have some fond memories of some really strange individuals.

I’ve always been of the mindset that if any parent wants their kid to learn all there is about life, let them tend a bar for a month or drive a taxi. They’ll learn more about life than any school would teach them. Trust me on that one.

For instance. Hookers. Ladies of the night. Whatever you want to call them. You’d never know that the sweet woman who lives next door to you with a cat and a garden in her backyard may be a hooker. Which I learned while driving a taxi.

nnnn

It  also pays to have good eyesight if you’re gonna drive a cab…..for various reasons

Yep……normal everyday looking people can be very deceiving. Because they look normal. Look at me! My neighbors would never know I was an off the wall nut case loose cannon blogger. Cause I keep a low profile. Which is very easy to do if you’re short.

How do ya know you’ve got a hooker in your taxi? Well, most people will open up to you about anything if you start talking to them and get into their lives.

Why? Because anyone who takes a cab thinks when General Motors or Ford built your vehicle, you came with it. Yep….just part of the works. So, they have no problem discussing anything, considering you’re just a part of the vehicle.

Besides, who the hell are you gonna tell anything they say to you to. For the most part you’ll never see them again, or they see you. Excluding the regulars, and, if ya want a good tip, you’re sure as hell not gonna blab to anyone what they said to you.

Boy da stories I could tell youse. Da way babes hit on me you'd think I wuz a chick magnet.

Boy da stories I could tell youse. Da way babes hit on me you’d think I wuz a chick magnet.

Hookers were fun to drive. Only because I’d ask them “hooker” questions, like, what’s the weirdest request you ever had? How big is big? (ya have to think about that one) And, the one I always asked every hooker……”How much money do you make in one night?”

For the record, on that last question. If “I” were a woman back then, and were driving a cab, I’d be quitting my job and becoming a hooker real fast if ya catch my drift.

Drunks were my second favorite passengers. Except for the ones who pissed their pants. Or barfed. Or both.

Hey.....f**k off pal....I'm tryin' to write a blog here!

Hey…..f**k off pal….I’m tryin’ to write a blog here!

You’d be driving along and in the rear view mirror be watching a drunk slide from one end of the rear seat to the other whenever you took a turn. Quite entertaining.

But, you can tell you’ve been driving a cab too long when two guys from a bar carry out a drunk, dump him in your back seat, and he’s unconscious, BUT, you know exactly where he lives. (occupational hazard)

Which brings to mind my favorite drunk joke. (sorry)

A drunk leaves a bar, gets into his car, goes into a state of panic, immediately gets out of the car and heads to a pay phone to call the police.

“Hello Police!” *hic

“Yes sir, how can we help you?”

“OMFG, * hic, ya gotta come here quick. I just got into my car and *hic, someone stole my entire dashboard!!!!”

“Ok sir….we’ll send someone right out.”

A few minutes later the same drunk calls the police back and says, “Hey, are you the same ossifer *hic I spoke to about my dashboard being stolen?”

“Yeah….”

“Um…..*hic….forget it, I was in the back seat.”dog laughing

Lastly, (following the rule that GM and Ford built you) couples who make out in the back seat of a cab completely oblivious that you are not only in the front seat BUT have a rear view mirror,

Which is the main reason I never had to go to any movie theater to watch a porno movie. Including, “Deep Throat.”

Hell, I don’t even think I’d learn anything new reading “50 Shades of Gray” either. I’ve seen all 50 shades from my years of driving a taxi. Maybeeeeeee 60 or 70 shades. In other colors besides gray too.

Hey Suzie! Thanks a lot for makin’ me remember all that stuff.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Bartending, Drunks, Taxis, Hookers and Blogs. Not necessarily in that order.

  1. katydidknot says:

    Having good stories is the upside of a lot of really crappy jobs. I’ve never been a taxi driver or a bartender.

    I worked in a Legal Aid office, and that always produced a lot of great stories,but I have to be careful about telling them. Someday, when more time passes, i will.

    But it still probably doesn’t compare to the back seat of a taxi!

    • misfit120 says:

      And I didn’t EVEN tell stories about the realllllllllllll juicy encounters. But……that said, you should really write your legal stories. just use fake names, if any, and general stuff so they can’t sue you. Writing about life and experiences can be funny.

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