OK….here it is….my very first bona fide honest to goodness critique of a political speech which, in my own shallow mind, officially opens up the 2016 “WHO SAID WHAT ABOUT WHO AND WTF DOES THIS ALL MEAN,” in the scope of our daily mundane lives.
Ladieeeeeeeeeeees and gentlemen. Our first “WTF” contestant, none other than Mama Grizzly herself…..Sarahhhhhhhhh Palin. (rounds of applause)
“And now, give a big hand here at the Iowa Freedom Summit here in Des Moines on this fine Saturday night tooooooooooooo, SARAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PALINNNNNN.” (more rounds of applause) “Thank yew….thank yew everybody……….but first, let me introduce the infamous blogger Misfit from MisfitWisdom…..a big hand everybody.” (silence)
Oh folks, don’t be soooo hard on the little guy. I know he’s made fun of me all these years, but in all fairness, rather than have the lame stream media, (crowd chuckles) pick apart what I’m going to say in my speech tonight, I chose Mr. Misfit to do the honors. And only because nobody ever reads or give a rats ass, (laughter) what he says. So, let us begin. Oh, by the way, as I read my speech, Mr. Misfit will make things clear to you by explaining what I mean. (these are actually Palin’s words)
Palin: “Things must change for our government. Look at it. It isn’t too big to fail. It’s too big to succeed! It’s too big to succeed, so we can afford no retreads or nothing will change with the same people and same policies that got us into the status quo.” (applause)
Misfit: What Sarah meant was that because government is too big to succeed we can afford to buy retread tires instead of spending money wastefully on new tires like B. F Goodrich and stuff. (wtf look on audience)
Palin: “Another Latin word, status quo, and it stands for, ‘Man, the middle-class everyday Americans are really gettin’ taken for a ride.” (applause)
Misfit: Meaning most middle class people can afford cars so they get to not only ride around a lot but take other people along for a ride as well. (silence)
Palin: “That’s status quo, and GOP leaders, by the way, y’know the man can only ride ya when your back is bent.” (Crowd yells Go Sarah)
Misfit: Never bend over if you’re in a meeting with GOP people or the next thing ya know they’ll be ridin’ you and playing horsie.” (one chuckle)
Palin: “So strengthen it. Then the man can’t ride ya, America won’t be taken for a ride, because so much is at stake and we can’t afford politicians playing games like nothing more is at stake than, oh, maybe just the next standing of theirs in the next election.”(crowd stands because they thought she said stand)
Misfit: So, if you pass on playing any of those horsie games, although you” miss out on a ride, you can rest assure that if you get served a steak it will be a real steak and not a horse steak because there’s nothing more than a good real honest to goodness sirloin steak after we win the next election. (huge applause)
Palin: “Really, it’s kind of Orwellian, observing how that works, that rule of Saul Alinsky’s, no doubt, that the left employs.” (nobody knows who TF Saul Alinsky is as they have dumb looks on their faces)
Misfit: For those of you in the audience who have no freakin’ clue who TF Saul Alinsky is and what his rule was, Saul invented the first 12″ long ruler for left handed people who were employed in the construction industry. (crowd says, Ohhhh)
Palin: “Disgusting charges, from the left. Reverse them — for it is they who point a finger not realizing that they have triple that amount of fingers pointing right back at them, revealing that they are the ones who really discriminate and divide on color and class and sex.” (the word sex perks up the crowd, many of whom were dozing off)
Misfit: This means that those left-handed construction workers were disgusted at the wages they were getting and pointed their left hand index fingers three times at people who criticized them for the colors they chose to paint things, the night classes they took to better themselves, and having sex with right-handed women. (most of the crowd, after hearing the word sex twice, have left for the nearest hooker bar)
Palin: “We call them out. We don’t let them get away with it. Obamacare! What will they do to stop causing our pain and start feeling it again.” (the four people left give her a standing ovation)
Misfit: What Sarah means is that Obamacare makes people have pain and they, whoever they are, should stop causing our pain so we can start feeling up each other again without feeling any pain…or something like that. (the two people left nod their heads in agreement and offer everyone some Tylenol)
Palin: “Well, in other words, um — Is Hillary a new Democrat or an old one? Now the press asks, the press asks, ‘Can anyone stop Hillary?’ Again, this is to forego a conclusion, right? It’s to scare us off, to convince us that — a pantsuit can crush patriots.
Misfit: Meaning, is Hillary really old or does she just look old? Does she have something concealed in those pantsuits she wears? And, if she plays football, can she actually crush those damn Patriots. (last person in room, a Colts fan, applauds)
That should explain it all folks.
(UPDATE) “From The Huiffington Post”
Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) has helped raise so much money for a pro-Hillary Clinton super PAC that she qualifies to co-chair the group’s national finance council.
The group, Ready For Hillary, used comments about Clinton that Palin made over the weekend in Iowa to raise more than $25,000.
“It’s going to take more than a village to beat Hillary,” Palin said on Saturday. “I’m ready for Hillary. Are you coming?”
Ready For Hillary immediately seized on the comments and emailed supporters, asking them to donate. On Tuesday evening, the group emailed supporters again, announcing that the super PAC had raised more than $25,000 as a result of Palin’s comments — enough to qualify the former GOP candidate for vice president to be a co-chair of Ready for Hillary.
Ready For Hillary said in Tuesday’s email that it would wait for Palin to call before officially adding her name to the list of co-chairs.
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