Ya know, I’ve always said to myself, “Self, you should get involved in politics.”
To which self replied, “Forget it you damn idiot, you’d make a complete ass outta yourself.”
Sooooooo, I took myself’s advice and stayed out of politics, but still make a complete ass outta myself writing this inane blog. BUT….ya gotta cut me some slack here folks. Because it’s entirely ok for me to make an ass outta myself, because nobody gives a rats ass what the hell stupid stuff I say.
Like for instance, if “I” were to call someone a “f*cking douchebag* (a term, I might add that I have not heard since I was in high school some eons ago) I would assume no one would, again, give a rats, or several rats asses.
BUT…..that said, the f*cking douchebag” part, by, not “I” but by New York State Senator Tom O’Mara, then…..then……we enter the bats**t loony territory where everyone gives the old rats ass. As rats asses go.
Here’s some excerpts from the “Albany Times Union” on this idiot who got all bent outta shape because a constituent approached O’Mara (with a hidden CAMERA) and asked about his support of a liquefied gas storage project.
“about four minutes into the discussion, the lawmaker’s wife leans across to politely defend her spouse.”
“We love this area — he grew up here, his whole life, and protects this area,” she says. “He would never, ever, ever support anything that would contaminate this area in any way, shape or form.”
“Mm — that’s interesting,” the questioner says in a dubious tone. “That’s interesting.”
“What do you mean ‘that’s interesting?’” O’Mara said. “What the f*ck do you mean ‘that’s interesting? For crying out loud what the f*ck do you mean that’s interesting? You’re a f*ucking douchebag, get the f*ck out of my face, right now, Now! Move. Move, asswipe, now. I’ve had enough of you and your kind. Get the f*ck out of here. I’ve had enough.”
See what drinking way too much lattes does to ya.
O’ Mara issued an apology on Tuesday, as usually most idiotic politicians do when they lay off those lattes. But……what was said was said.
Which basically means that all politicians should always include in their campaign slogans, “Vote for me, I’d really appreciate it….but, f*ck off if I get elected and you try to ask me a question you stupid f*cking asswipes.”
Hey, at least we’d all know he was an honest politician.
Moving on the loony toon bus…………..the wing nut award goes to newly elected Senator Joni Ernst from Iowa who ran an ad during her campaign entitled, “Squeal” which featured pigs that she had castrated. (ouch)
I know, I know, you thinkith I be kidding. Well, here ya go…………
Ok, now that you know I speakith the truth here, (as I grab my crotch) I must say that if I were this woman’s husband, considering her joy at castrating pigs, I would tread verrrrrry carefully so as not to upset this woman. Just sayin.’
Oh yeah…..for those of you who are into pig castration, love this woman, and want to see more of her, she’ll be giving the Republican response to the President’s State of the Castration….um….sorry, “State of the Union” message on Tuesday night.
Next on the loony toon bus would be Rep. Louie Gohmert from the great state of Texas. (is it me or do a lot of cartoon characters come out of Texas)
The compassionate Rep. called on American leaders to emulate Egypt’s military dictator, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi.
Yes, we should all emulate ol Abdel like the Rep. says. In which he actually said:
“I hope one day that our top leaders in this country will have the courage of president el-Sisi in Egypt and they will reflect, as general el-Sisi has, the will of the people of their country.”
Um….ya talkin’ about the SAME el-Sisi, the dictator who orchestrated a coup d’etat and presided over the killing of more than a thousand dissidents?”
Nah….must be another guy named el Sisi. Ya think?
NOTE: Anyone who is a salesman for the Encyclopedia Britannica. I sense a huge money making opportunity here. Might wanna hit the road in Texas selling those books so that these politicians can read up on history and get a freakin’ clue. Makes sense to me.
Finally…..thank gawd. Let’s end this with our favorite loony toon, Sarah, (I haven’t made the news lately) Palin.
(I was gonna harp on Mitt Flonkney..um….Mitch Trinkey…DAM!…WTF WAS his name…um…..(looking it up) Oh yeah, Mitt Romney and his quest for yet another presidential bid, but decided against mentioning him for the sake of saving all of my Mitt cartoons for when he finally decides to run. It was hard, but I , with a great deal of difficulty, managed to restrain myself.
Um….ok….ok…jusssssssst one cartoon…I promise……….
Anyhow, Sarah has this show called “Amazing America” and posted a trailer, no not an actual trailer you idiots, a video trailer which shows how to get picked up if you’re hitchhiking. I assume this video trailer was directed at women because Sarah is talking about dressing sexy.
My guess would have been boob flashing. But, alas I was mistaken….as usual.
According to Sarah all ya have to do to get a ride when hitchhiking is not dress like a freakin’ hippie. (yet another phrase I have not heard since the 60’s when I was stoned a lot and wearing tie-dye t-shirts and smoking some really good weed)
No, you should dress in a skin-tight outfit that shows off your curves.
Yep, the same type outfit you see girls wearing hitchhiking on an episode of “Criminal Minds” who then disappears and the entire “Criminal Minds” crew doesn’t have a damn clue as to why she got knocked off by some perv.
Soooo, here’s Sarah as a hippie and then after she changed into a hot babe looking for a ride. Did she get picked up! You betcha.
As quoted in the websites, “The Daily Beast” and “Liberals Unite” here is the dialogue from the trailer as Sarah is hitchhiking as a car stops to offer her a ride:
The excited stranger asks “Where ya’ headed?”
Mrs. Palin flashes a knowing smile and says “Somewhere AMAZEEEEEEEEN.”
“Hop in,” the stranger replies.
Conservative Mrs. Plain throws her suitcase and herself into the strange man’s hot rod and they drive off into the sunset.
As always, Sarah setting a great example for any teenager or young woman who simply needs to get from point A to point B and doesn’t have a car.
Ask yourselves this question. (think first before answering)
Would you mind YOUR daughter doing that? If a lot of you answered “yes,” most likely you’re going to be seeing a lot more “Criminal Minds” episodes devoted to missing women dressed in sexy clothes.
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