I swore, (#!*!*%&$%#@!) that I’d never write another book after I got extremely f**ked by my last publisher, (and it didn’t feel good either) but I’m beginning to get that old feeling again, (and it’s not gas) to write another book. BUT……I just can’t seem to come up with any great ideas. Cept for that one title I posted up above. “Invasion Of The Dust Bunnies.”
That idea hit me as I was entering our living room this afternoon and the sun was shining directly on our living room floor exposing hundreds, if not thousands, maybe even millions of scary evil dust bunnies. It was horrible. Reminded me of my childhood when those dust bunny nightmares haunted me.
I called out in terror, (every book needs a screaming terror moment) to my other half and she came to the rescue with the dreaded Hoover 45,000 hemi vacuum from hell. One by one those sneaky dust bunnies scurried across the living room floor attempting to escape the horrible slaughter that was about to envelop them.
I began to feel some remorse for the little creatures, but, um, only for a brief moment. Only because I was instantly reminded of the (achoo!) problems they’ve been (achoo!) causing me since we were relegated to the living room rather than the outdoor patio because (achoo!) of the cold weather. (Achoo!)
Then the moment of creative inspiration, here was the perfect idea for a new book. “Invasion Of The Dust Bunnies.”
And the other problem was if someone had already written about killer dust bunnies how would I make my book more appealing? Thinking to myself, “Where TF do I go with this story after most of those my bunnies were sucked up by the vacuum?”
I mean, there had to be more than that!
Then I thought about my last successful novel, (NOT) “The Covert Chamber,” and how I thought that including dirty no good rotten slimy bastard Nazis in that book would attract readers. After all, everybody hates Nazis but love Nazi themed movies. Examples, “The Monuments Men,” “Inglorious Bastards,” and the newest one starring Brad Pitt, “Fury.”
HAH! Maybe that’s it! Nazi dust bunnies.
Yeah, that’s the ticket, Nazi Dust Bunnies.
I see it now.
The scene opens in a quaint village in Austria back in 1943. Mr. and Mrs. Greavenfern Buchleitnergrondorksi are sitting at the kitchen table watching their three children, Josef, Anna and Franz gleefully playing pick up sausages. (pick up sticks were not invented yet)
The war was at their doorstep, had they actually had a doorstep, because their house was really level with the ground, so..um….well, anyhow, had they had a doorstep the war would have been at it, so they fretted about all of the stories they had heard about Nazi dust bunnies possibly actually making it into Austria. But, after much thought about not actually having a door step, felt somewhat safe from the war, and those despicable Nazi dust bunnies being able to invade their household.
Hey….is this great or what!
So..um…..one night as the family lie sleeping they were awakened by the distant rumble of what sounded like tanks. But, it was actually thousands of Nazi dust bunnies approaching their home headed by the famous Nazi dust bunny Hare Rommel.
The family immediately heads for their secret hideaway in the basement with strict instructions by their father not to make any noise or attempt to write any diaries in an attempt to perhaps get it published later after the war and then have a movie made out of it. This was only due to the fact that their father knew no one would EVER buy a book entitled, “The Diary of Anne Buchleitnergrondorksi.”
(footnote) As it turned out, a young girl who lived just down the road from, also named Anne, did eventually keep a diary of the events that night and it became a best seller AND a movie. Go figure.
Anyhow, as the Nazi dust bunnies stormed into their house the family did all they could do to stop from sneezing. But, Mr. Buchleitnergrondorksi, having severe allergies and not having a great medical coverage plan that covered allergy prescriptions, sneezed and the entire family was discovered in hiding by the dastardly Nazi dust bunnies.
BUT……just in the nick of time, as nicks go, General George S. Pattonhoover, leader of the United States Seventh and a Half Army and his regiment of several thousand Hoovers got to the house and sucked up those dirty no good SOB’s Nazi dust bunnies and saved the entire family and surrounding neighbors.
Damn! And it sounded like such a great idea for my next novel.
Which might explain why my “Covert Chamber” book didn’t make it either.
Oh well……so much for my new book idea. Especially considering my last idea for a book was “49 Shades of Gray.” Damn! And I was only one stinkin’ shade off.
With the utmost respect for a true author…………….
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