Tis the season of giving, and, I can think of no better way of giving than donating mice to a worthy cause. Doesn’t really break your pocketbook to go out and get a few mice and help out some owls, eagles and snakes who can’t afford to go out on their own and purchase a tasty meal of fresh mice ya know.
I bet you think I jest here. Well I’m not. This is serious stuff pal.
Yesterday in “The New London Day,” (Connecticut) there was a front page article which screamed the headline, “Mystic Nature Center Is Asking Its Supporters: Got Mice?”
And, of course, me being attuned to screaming headlines, (usually doom and gloom stuff on CNN) I was horrified to learn that those various owls, snakes and eagles at the “Denison Pequotsepos Nature Center” in Mystic, Connecticut are in desperate need of mice.
Here we all are plotting ingenious ways to outfox those pesky mice in our homes with diabolical schemes such as water boarding, cheese deprivation, mouse trap extreme torture, (similar to the rack procedure used in midevel times) and constantly subjecting them to listening to “Three Blind Mice” on a CD, while we could simply just humanely capture them, and send them off to Mystic.
So here’s the crisis at the center in Mystic. Those owls, snakes and eagles are not getting their usual donations of mice from places like Pfizer and the Charles River Laboratory along with the Frankenstein Laboratory in Transylvania.
Gawd knows why, but most likely because they’re into conducting more experiments with their own mice. Which is quite understandable.
After all, how do ya think we got Viagra from Pfizer. Yep, mice. Which is also why, if you manage to take a tour through the Pfizer facility you’d be totally shocked to see male mice sporting huge…um…er…..neverrrrrr mind.
Now considering, according to the article, the Denison nonprofit center in Mystic will have to fork out over $24,000 a year to buy mice, they’re asking for donations to help with feeding those owls, snakes and eagles. AND, considering horny…um….sorry, that should read, “horned” owls eat up to eight mice per day, and a red-shouldered hawk with an injured spine tail, will eat up to six mice a day, they are in dire need of mice. Blind ones or not. (little play on that Three Blind Mice thing again…sorry)
The article in the New London Day by staff writer Joe Wojtas also points out that at this time of year many homeowners begin hearing mice running around in their attics and walls because of the cold weather, it will accept dead mice if you manage to catch them. However, the center requires that the mice must be dead, as in really really dead, (line from the Wizard of Oz) and be poison-free and frozen. They can’t accept any mice that have been exterminated, (contract Mafia hit) or with any type of chemical or poison as it would harm the animals eating them.
Mice, I assume must be completely intact, so if you’re planning to knock off a mouse with that new shotgun you got for Christmas, forget it.
You can pick up traps for mice that humanely catches them if you bait them with peanut butter and set them where mouse droppings (poop) have been found. Seeing traces of tiny toilet paper is also a clue.
Soooooo. As I myself was wondering, how exactly do you then transport these mice to the center. Considering the yucky factor and your spouse screaming as you scoff up those dead mice.
Well, you can take little Micky or Minnie and, once they are deceased, freeze them in a zip-close bag and then drop them off at the center.
Word of caution here. Might wanna inform the rest of your family that you have zip-locked frozen mice in your fridge. Jusssst in case a family member stumbles out in the middle of the night and looks for a quick snack and thinks those frozen mice are some sort of snack Disney put out for the holidays. Just sayin.’
If you’d rather forgo the frivolity of playing cat and mouse games with your household mice, or you’re just plain squeamish, or you love mice because you have visions of Mickey Mouse and can’t bring yourself to knock off a mouse that you shook hands with at Disneyworld, there is another alternative.
You can simply make a monetary donation to offset the mouse bill. Checks can be mailed to the “DNPC”, Box 122, Mystic, Connecticut, 06355.
I’m almost positive that any mouse residing in your house will thank you for making a donation rather than having to sacrifice their lives.
As that famous mouse philosopher Mouse Romney once said, “Mice are people too.”
Mickey, Minnie and Walt Disney will also vouch for that as well.
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