“UPS.” U Pay Substantially

mmmmm

Defined below

  1. Innovation

    • n.noun
      1. The act of introducing something new.

      2. Something newly introduced.

      3. Except for idiots who want us to ship a heavy thing to California.

Yep…..today’s blog is about UPS and my wonderful non shipping experience.

For those of you who aren’t too familiar with UPS, here’s a clue for ya.ups1Ok….now that you get my point, here’s how all this began.

Sooooo. Because I live on a shoestring and my 3 freeloading cats cost me a fortune in cat food and litter, once in a while I go on a scavenger hunt in our basement looking for items I could sell on eBay and perhaps make it through yet another month.

Soooooo, I said to myself, “Misfit, what about that 10 ton floor polisher/sander that’s been gathering dust since Noah got off the ark.”  Yep…no need to hold on to that. Like “I’M” gonna be getting into any of that stuff anytime in the near future. NOT!

Sooooooo. How hard could this be to list it on eBay and, obviously, because this thing weighs more than me, offer it for local pickup only.

Nooooooooooooo problem.

So where do I get an offer from? Yep. You guessed it. California. Which we all know is only a stone’s throw from Connecticut. Obviously qualifies for “local” pickup. Duh!

So I tell this guy that’s interested in the item that it would probably cost waaaaaay too much to ship it to California. But, he says, if shipping is under $100, he would buy it. And that I should call UPS and ask them the rates. Which I did.ups3

So call UPS and get this guy from India, (also local) on the phone and he has no idea what a floor polisher/sander is. I’m thinking, “Do they not have floors in India?”

Or, maybe they just don’t polish or sand their floors.

Or, their floors ARE sand.

Anyhow, after 15 minutes of explaining what a floor/polisher sander is, the agent kicks me over to UPS Freight, I assume because of the weight and awkward shipping container it would require, (I’m again thinking, how the f**k do you package a floor/sander polisher)

The agent suggested “bubble wrap,” at which point I was relieved he transferred me to Lucritia McEvil in the freight department.

(It was at this point (20 minutes on the phone with Singjay, I thought of that old joke. If FedEx and UPS merged what would it be called……FedUp.(FedEx delivery van and employee).

Soooooooooo. Ms. McEvil advised me that to ship this monstrosity to California, which we, here in New England refer to as the end of the Earth, along with UPS, it would only cost me $1,000. Oh yeah, PLUS shipping and handling.

Soooooooooo, I’m thinking to myself once again……..”Shipping and handling?” WTF is the $1,000 for then? DUH!

Sooooooooooooooooooooo. As usual, if you recall my “Krispy Kreme” clusterf**k blog, I once again banged off an e-mail to the wonderful folks at UPS and filled out their standard form for asking stupid questions.

The form began with:

(UPS)What is your question or comment?

My question:

(Misfit) I really would like someone to logically explain why, after talking to UPS on the phone regarding a 60 pound item, (floor polisher) that it would have cost me over $1,000 plus handling to send this to California. THIS IS NOT A NUCLEAR REACTOR!!!! It’s a floor polisher. So, what is it exactly that costs $1,000? A truck? You have those. A plane? You have those too. Manpower? I believe you DO have hourly employees. So what is it? Really appreciate a “logical” answer.

mmmmmm

Then again….it does kinda resemble a nuclear reactor

I then receive an automated e-mail response, (6:37 PM) telling me that within four hours, (the length of time it takes electronic e-mails to travel through the stratosphere) I would receive a reply. (actual response time from my e-mail: From “customer.service@ups.com” Thu Dec 11 23:37:30 2014) Ok…Ok….so I forgot the 30 seconds.

I received a reply from UPS at 10:37 PM with this response:

“Thank you for your e-mail. UPS rates are calculated based upon the following shipment characteristics.”

– Weight
– Dimensions
– Origin and destination ZIP Codes
– Pickup or drop-off method
– Service level

“Rates are calculated on a per package basis. To calculate shipping rates, please view our web site’s Calculate Time and Cost feature using the following link:”

http://wwwapps.ups.com/QCCWebApp/request

“I am sorry for any confusion about UPS shipping rates. I sincerely apologize for any frustration this situation has caused.”

“Please contact us if you need any additional assistance.”

So, as you can see, they answered my original question, (see original e-mail at beginning of blog) with corporate speak. Meaning basically, some idiot at UPS pulled out a standard “reply to complaint form,” addressed the issue of shipping, and totally ignored my questions as to why it costs $1,000 to ship something to California.

Like I already didn’t know they base their shipping charges on weight, dimensions, origin and destination ZIP codes. DUH!

Soooooo, again UPS, WTF costs you $1,000?

You and I both know we’ll never get a logical answer to that question.

Now normally, as in the case of Krispy Kreme, I would not patronize UPS again. BUT, I have no complaints with MY local UPS delivery person. Always on time. Always friendly and ready to help me out with any problems, including lifting heavy packages. AND…….um……well….er…….ups4I think that says it all.

As for that guy that wanted my floor sander/polisher. I told him to forget about getting the one I have and that for $5.00 I’d sell him a hand drill with a polisher on it and a can of wax.

Ships via UPS reallllllllllllll cheap.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to “UPS.” U Pay Substantially

  1. katydidknot says:

    If she was the UPS person for my area, I’d be sending stuff UPS every day.

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