Special December Events. For People Bored Outta Their Tree.

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Words to live by

Yes the holidays are upon us, much to the great joy of retailers. Instead of sugar plums dancing in their heads, its dollar signs. BUT, it’s not just Christmas that people celebrate this month. Or makes those retailers sniff out your hard-earned bucks.

Nope. There are other days worth mentioning that you may wish to celebrate this month as well as buying stuff for, such as……………..

December 3rd, which is, believe it or not, “National Roof Over Your Head Day.”

I know, you think I’m making this stuff up. Trust me…I’m not.

So, if you have a roof over your head, hey, have a drink to celebrate it pal.

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Hmmm. Would an artificial sweetener like Splenda work then?

December 5th is “Bathtub Party Day.” AND….because I myself spend considerable time in my own bathroom adjacent to my bathtub, which is also verrrry close to my bedroom, I figure, what the hell, might as well go full hog in celebrating this day with the works.

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As well as letting your pets, dogs or cats, celebrate Bathtub Day too.

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Woof……..

Or you could just attend some of those “PETA” demonstrations to show your support for Bathtub Day while at the same time getting your merry jollies.

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Hey Ma….look! I’m celebrating Bathtub Day

One of my favorites, next to “Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose Day,” is “Take It In The Ear Day,” celebrated on December 8th. What YOU choose to take in your ear is strictly your own damn business.

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WHAT YOU’D SAY MA?

My guess is that in honor of that great rock and roller Chuck Berry, they decided to call December 12th “National Ding-a-Ling Day.” Which can be interpreted as either getting a bunch of bells and ding-a-linging to your heart’s content, OR, if you’re a damn pervert and think your ding-a-ling is your Johnson, well, I guess you could also celebrate this day playing with your ding-a-ling as well.

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“National Lemon Cupcake Day” is celebrated on December 15th. I personally, loving cupcakes, and my favorite, those chocolate covered lemon filled donuts, will not be celebrating this day. Thanks to those #%$#@! people at my local Krispy Kreme donut shop who gave me a lot of grief because I wanted that stinkin’ donut.

Nothing against cupcakes mind you, I just feel on this day I should boycott lemons in honor of my stance on Krispy Kreme*.

(*refer to my Sept 12, 2014 blog in the MisfitWisdom archives)

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Trust me Martha, it wasn’t the guy at Krispy Kreme

Another one of my favorite days this month is on December 16th which is “National Chocolate Covered Anything Day.”

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Um……maybeeeeeeeeeee

I know, you can cover ANYTHING in chocolate and eat it. There are, for you demented people, even chocolate stores that make x-rated body part chocolates. Honest! Um….er…..how do I know this? Um…….I read it somewhere. Yeah….that’s it. I read it somewhere. (whew)

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Um…we’re talkin’ chocolate here aren’t we?

Even pigs, (the four-legged kind) have their day with “National Roast Suckling Pig Day” on December 18th. Oh joy.

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HEY! Where’s the apple that’s supposed to complete the roast pig meal?

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Ok…..thanks.

For those of you who absolutely hate the holidays, fear not. Your day is on December 21st. “Humbug Day.”

Um....sorry, contrary to opinion THIS is NOT how it began

Um….sorry, contrary to opinion THIS is NOT how it began

As we all know, we can thank Charles Dickens for creating that famous line, “bah humbug,” in “A Christmas Carol.”

The true origin of bah humbug

The true origin of bah humbug

“National Flashlight Day” is December 21st. To quote Arte Johnson, “Verrrrry interesting….but schtoopid!” Need I say more.

The only ones who appreciate this day

The only ones who appreciate this day

The dreaded fruitcake even has its own day. Blaccccch!

Yes, December 27th is “National Fruitcake Day.” You can either celebrate this day by devouring an actual fruitcake. Baking one that no one will EVER eat. Or calling someone you know is a freakin’ fruitcake and wishing them well on their day.

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One final thought on why nobody like fruitcakes. Because a lot of us know where the fruit comes from.

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“National Bicarbonate of Soda Day,” most likely the brainchild of those folks at Arm & Hammer Company, is on December 30th. And, we all know the many uses for, as it’s also known, baking soda. Yep……kills odors. Ask any mortician.

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Our final day of celebration is on December 31st. “Unlucky Day.”

Personally, I celebrate this all year long considering my stinkin’ lottery number hasn’t come in YET!

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And crunchy too

But you could also choose not to celebrate this day and ward off any chances of being unlucky by wearing a lucky rabbits foot.

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Which is why rabbits do not celebrate this day

Rather, they celebrate that day in other ways……………..

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Lucky Human Foot Day

So, there ya have it folks. Some of the most important days in December that you might want to mark on your calendar. Besides Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Years Eve.

As for me, after seeing what people actually celebrate………………………..

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Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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