For as long as I can remember, which is usually 10 0r 15 minutes at my age, my recollections of Thanksgiving have been nil. Mainly due to the fact that most of the Thanksgivings I celebrated were like scenes from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies.
That’s putting it a bit excessive, but you get my point if you’ve ever been divorced and had to deal with in-laws, step kids, ex wives and various relatives who’d rather see you on the turkey platter than the actual turkey.
You know how all this goes. You get divorced, at some point either enter into a new relationship or get remarried and have to keep a scorecard as to who is who in your life….including old and newly acquired relatives.
So what happens in many instances is that the old relatives kinda harbor resentment towards you for dumping your ex and the new relatives look at you kind of suspiciously……like you’re Freddie Kruger or something.
Throw in all those feelings and holidays such as Thanksgiving can be verrrrrry stressful. Which is one reason I always keep a handy suppl;y of tranquilizers around and an exit strategy.
“Oh my Gawd….Oh my Gawd….I think I’m having a heart attack!!! Quick honey, get me to the emergency room!” As exit strategies go, this seems to work best.
Anyhow, THIS Thanksgiving was different for me. After some 50 odd years, (me being odd) I actually celebrated Thanksgiving with my actual honest to goodness bona-fide dyed in the ol wool relatives. NOT ones that I inherited via second and third marriages or relationships.
How can this be? Well I’ll tell ya. My cousin Ernie tracked me down after all these years and we reconnected. Yes, the wonders of the internet. And the fact that everything you do on the Internet anyone can find out. (hide those porno sites you’ve been going to)
So we got together this Thanksgiving and had a great time. I don’t think I’ve eaten that much food since 1978 when a semi carrying Twinkies overturned on Interstate 95 and I jumped outta my car and grabbed as many Twinkies as I could and stuffed them down my throat.
Not that other Thanksgivings did not have ample food mind you. Its just that I never felt like celebrating with all those new strange inherited relatives and the various conversations that I had no interest in about other relatives who I had no freakin’ clue as to who the hell they were.
Besides, my last and FINAL marriage consisted of relatives who were football freaks and I, hating football, was the black sheep when it came to the family jocks discussing football. Which explains how I became addicted to the video game “Pac Man.” Which I played while they were discussing football.
So, after getting divorced in 1995 from Lucretia McEvil, I remained single and extremely contented and happy by doing things like leaving the toilet seat up. Farting whenever I wanted to. Not making the bed on many occasions. And renewing my subscription to Playboy Magazine. Which is a MUST if you’re living alone. (ya have to think about that one)
Then I met my other half, Ms. Misfit, and we hit it off immediately. Mainly due to the fact that she had no relatives, so I figured linking up with her was a safe bet. I DID inquire as to if she was into football before I went any further with our relationship. She wasn’t, so it was a go.
So from the time I left home to enter the Army in 1959, my first marriage from 1963 to 1974, (I still have nightmares) and my second marriage from 1977 to 1995, (even worse nightmares) I never really celebrated Thanksgiving with any of my real honest to goodness biological family for various reasons.
Thanksgiving from the time Ms. Misfit and I linked up has usually been just the two of us, the three cats, and any road kill I could find that resembled a turkey. Not bad if you cook it just right.
So finally THIS YEAR, thanks to my cousin Ernie and his lovely wife Phyllis it was indeed a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with food, (a real live…or, um, dead turkey) all kinds of side dishes, and goodies, (no Twinkies) to tempt any sweet tooth.
So that was my Thanksgiving which I am very thankful for. Once again I feel like a productive member of society. Um well, maybe not a productive member of society because actually I serve no purpose other than writing this stupid blog now and then, but perhaps a once again member of normal society with an actual family once again.
Um, well, maybeeeee I’m still pushing the “normal” point there but at least I did not have to worry about discussing #&%^$#! football or be relegated to playing Pac Man in a corner somewhere.
So, in conclusion, thanks to my cousin Ernie and his wife, the really great people who were also there, part of my cousin’s inherited family, (no football talk among them either) and my feelings of finally shedding the black sheep feeling.
Nothing against any actual black sheep mind you.
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