Here it is another quiet peaceful Sunday morning as I sit down to scour the Internet for cutting edge stories to write about and….MEOW…..MEOW……..MEOWWWWWWWWWWW!
Now we have 3 cats in all. One is a Tuxedo who could give a rats ass about what the hell I do as long as he gets his daily dose of snacks, usually 50 or 60 throughout the course of a day. We have an agreement. He gets snacks and leaves me alone.
The other is a regular run of the mill garden variety Tabby cat, who, if she were a human, would most definitely be a hooker. She loves men, like my friend Bobby and any other man who comes into our house. She also leaves me alone because she has the hots for the Tuxedo, or, just wants a cut of his snacks stash.
But the meower….she’s a Calico and she just will not shut the freak up. BUT….only when I’m writing. And she meows LOUD!!!! I’m beginning to think that she really wants to have some input as to what I write about but can’t seem to translate that meowing into language I can understand.
Cept for that one time when she actually DID say something both my other half and I completely understood.
It was when we were feeding the three cats and she hadn’t received her cat food bowl yet and I turned to her and said, “Where’s your food.” And she replied quite distinctly, “I don’t know.” Honest! It was plain as day.
Either that, or my other half and I have been spending waaaaay too much time around cats and we’re beginning to imagine things.
But that’s not all this cat does to irritate the hell outta me. Many times at night I will be out on the patio with my laptop brushing up the next days blog by editing and stuff and at the most inopportune moment she will jump on the keyboard either erasing what I’ve done or sending an e-mail to someone before I’ve finished it.
So, if any of you ever get an e-mail from me that looks something like, “Hi, haven’t written to you in a while and guess what nnsdjkl;;thpsvtiogopjiojhgbs/”?gjh”
Chalk it off to a cat jumping on my keyboard.
The Tabby will also do this on occasion but with a bit of finesse. Rather than walking over my keyboard she will sit on the laptop table and just stare at me. Nothing else. Just sit there and stare. Like two inches from my face.
Just for the record. Yes, cats do have bad breath.
So ya see, it’s not easy writing this blog every day with the constant meowing and jumping and leaping and staring.
On top of all that, I have (sigh) cat allergies.
I know what your thinking. “Hey ya damn idiot. If ya have cat allergies why in the hell do ya have cats?”
It’s along story. But briefly let’s just say that if you live with a cat lady and she’s the love of your life, you have to make some concessions. Like living with her cats as well. And sneezing.
In her defense however, I had two cats to begin with before we moved in together many years ago. BUT……I never had any allergies to cats before we moved in together. So I can’t quite figure out why that is.
Unless there’s a threshold you reach when it comes to having cat allergies. Like one or two cats might be the limit. But three cats triggers allergies. OR…..maybe the fact that when I lived alone my cats were never really IN MY FACE! As is the case now.
Now all this doesn’t end with that Calico meowing while I’m attempting to write either.
Turning in at night while the Tabby and the Tuxedo play their nightly cat olympic games when the house is dark scurrying all around the house knocking things over and trying to figure out ways to get into the cat snack treat jar, the Calico insists on doing her nightly exercises by walking a marathon back and forth over our pillows while were trying to sleep.
Hence…..cat dander all over my pillow and gawd knows what else being dragged over my head from her paws. Yuk.
So, consequently I decided just to give up scouring the Internet today and give in to her meowing and spend some time with her. Maybe then she’ll just shut the f**k up and leave me alone.
If you happen to be in the vicinity of my house and see some guy building a storage shed out in the yard along with a cat strapped down to the roof meowing its head off……that would be me.
HEY! If she insists on spending time with me, shes damn well gonna do what I wanna do.
Ah shaddap ya little pain in the butt.
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