It’s Pretty Boring On A Sunday When I’m Writing A Blog About Shoes

How much time during the course of a year do ya think I give any thought about shoes. Maybe the 10 minutes I’m in a J. C. Penny, Payless, or a Wal-Mart looking for a new pair of sneakers to replace the ones I bought seven years ago. THAT’S IT!

But women…………….heels6

BUT……..once again “TIME” magazine felt that it was earth shattering news and we might all be missing out on one of the most interesting attractions that’s going on right now as we speak….or, as I write.

That being the “Art of the High Heeled Shoe” exhibit now going on through February 15th at the Brooklyn Museum of Art.

Gawd…..and my calendar is so filled with other things to do that I might just miss out on that exhibit. Damn!

Just for the hell of it, I ventured over to my other half’s closet to count the number of shoes she had. There are 22 pairs currently awaiting use. And that’s not counting the ones she has stored down in the basement which are Winter shoes.

Yes, we have shoes for Summer and Winter. Unlike myself who has 6 pairs of sneakers, two pairs of shoes, AND I wear them year round. Holy crap! Surely I must be breaking a law or something by wearing them all year long. Ya think?

90% of the time what my other half dreams about

99% of the time what my other half dreams about

But, I did discover that she does not have any of the shoes on display in Brooklyn. So far as I can tell.

90% of MY dreams

99% of MY dreams

(photo from the TIME article with shoes numbered 1-9 left to right)

Soooooo many shoes.....soooooo little time

Soooooo many shoes…..soooooo little time

Those shoes are of the Lady Ga Ga type with names such as, (1) Salvatore Ferragamo, (2) Italian chopine, (sounds like it should be on a pizza)

(3) United Nude Ga Ga Shoe, (must come with a meat topping)

(4) Balenciaga Block Heel, (named after an Italian guy who hung around street corners and made passes at women….my guess)

(5) Sputnikol and Masaya Kushino Nanohana Heels, (possibly shoes for ninja women)

The ever popular, (6) Prada wedge sandal, (good if you ever need a wedge for anything)

(7) Tea Petrovic polyamide , faux leather and rubber wings, (sound kinda perverted to me)

(8) Winde Rienstra bamboo heel, (popular with female pandas)

And finally, (9) the Julian Hakes Mojito, which, if you look at the picture of it (#8) looks like who ever wore it last suffered an extremely horrible foot injury while getting her foot stuck in a sidewalk grate.

Example of what can happen if you get your shoe caught in a sidewalk grate

Example of what can happen if you get your heels caught in a sidewalk grate

Now the last time I EVER wore any shoe that kind of resembled some of those was back in the 70’s BC when disco music was popular. And only because of the high platform heels. Because I am 5′ 4″ and I figured, what the hell, perfect excuse to look 4 more inches taller and be right up there with those tall guys.

Problem is, those tall guys also wore them…..so I was basically screwed.

Eat your heart out John Travolta

Eat your heart out John Travolta

Now looking at these shoes I’m saying to myself, I can see da light down da road Misfit.

“Sooooo Ms. Latruese. How exactly did you injure your foot so badly?”

“Well doc. I had what’s left of this here pair of  Winde Rienstra bamboo heels on and decided to take a walk to see the Panda exhibit at the Brooklyn Zoo, and as I was sitting on the fence watching the pandas, one grabbed my shoes and started eating them. Geez….whoulda guess pandas liked bamboo.”

Yum.....size 7

Yum…..size 7

Now as I see it, I can completely understand the need for women to make a fashion statement wearing any of these shoes. Those of them that have a death wish that is. Or simply like visiting local emergency rooms.

My thinking here is also this. If I’m walking down the street and a mugger appears, my first instinct is to run like freakin’ hell. Whilst wearing my Nike sneakers….which are very fast. Next to my 1955 pair of P.F. Flyers. (I kinda get verrrry attached to my old sneakers)

Speaking of……did ya ever feel like you could run faster when you were a kid the minute you put on a new pair of P.F. Flyer sneakers?

Yeah! Try catchin' me in these ya damn motherf**kers

Yeah! Try catchin’ me in these ya damn motherf**kers

Sooooo…..if you’re a woman, my guess is that wearing any of those shoes pictured, ya might just as well hand over your cash and jewelry cause there ain’t no way you’re gonna out run any mugger. Who’s most likely wearing a pair of Nikes or P. F. Flyers and can run like hell too……after he gets your stuff.

So, my suggestion for women contemplating buying any of these shoes……unless you ARE Lady Ga Ga………….

What….are ya freakin’ nuts or are you tapped out on the dating scene and really wanna meet an interesting guy…..like a mugger.

You can read the entire article about high-heeled shoes entitled, “If The Shoe Fits” by Colleen Nika, (too bad her name wasn’t Colleen Nike) in the September 22nd edition of  TIME footwear…um….magazine.

Great article for those of you who have a foot fetish too.heels5

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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