Sex For Humans In Space Doesn’t Look Too Good For Us Humans Right Now.

mmmmm

Only $29.95 at Wal-Mart

With all of the inroads we’ve made into space exploration I really was looking forward to the day when I could go into space and attempt to engage in sex. You know, all that floating in zero gravity stuff and trying to get part A into part B .

Sounds like it would be a really good chance at having extensive foreplay if ya ask me.

First of all, for those of you who have no concept of how gravity works, some brief explanations:

How it would affect you on the moon is you had to pee

How it would affect you on the moon if you had to pee

How it would affect a space alien if he had to get off of his ship and pee

How it would affect a space alien on Earth if he had to get off of his ship and had to pee

And finally………………………

Debunking the Isaac Newton therory about grvity

Debunking the Isaac Newton apple theory about gravity

So in space, it might go something like this………………..

“Honeeee, you need to position yourself up against the ceiling so I can just float up to you and commence my sexual docking procedure.”

“Damn! I’m trying dear, but I keep floating on past you for cripes sake! Here, use this space walking tether to tie your damn butt down…..FAST……I’m runnin’ outta oxygen here!”

Now I got on this subject today because, sadly, I read about Russia’s attempt to send five geckos into space for an experiment on sexual reproduction in near zero gravity. Unfortunately the five geckos did not survive. All five died.

mmmmmmm

But we died with smiles on our faces buddy

Now I’m not sure if they died while having sex with each other, in which case they died happy, or if they died before they could actually engage in any sexual relations with each other.

In any event, the experiment dubbed, “”Sex Geckos” obviously did not produce any concrete evidence that one can have safe sex, or, any sex while floating in zero gravity. At least if you’re a gecko.

Now as far as humans go, well, that’s another story.

So far, unless NASA and the Russians are keeping it a secret, no human has had sex in outer space. In tight spaces such as closets, (Monica and Bill) the back seat of a car, (me) and other tight spaces, I think we all know that’s a big YES!

Oops....forget THIS tight space as well

Oops….forget THIS tight space as well

So this now poses a problem. Not only for geckos, but for us humans.

For one, there’s no way in hell I’m EVER gonna take a trip into space, if given the opportunity, if I can’t have sex. OR….if I CAN have sex and then die afterwards. Doesn’t seem like the options are that great.

I’d much prefer to remain here on Earth and know that at least if I have sex in complete gravity, I’m not gonna die. Unless I have the big one during the throes of passion. Which, of course, has nothing to do with space, or zero gravity, but is much more easier to accomplish without worrying about floating all over the place.

mmmmmm

So much for the throes of passion

Now the Russians think that perhaps the geckos life support system aboard that spacecraft that they were on simply failed. Which would then explain why they all died. Or, it’s simply a case of geckos dying out of frustration by not being able to have sex because of that zero gravity effect.

I’m not sure exactly how geckos have sex, but if its anything like us humans do, there could be other factors involved in their demise.

mmmmmm

Geckos are notorious for having extramarital sex

Or maybe the Russians screwed up and all of the geckos were males. Or females. And they all became so frustrated they took their own lives. After all, have you EVER seen a female gecko on those Geico commercials? NO. It’s always a male gecko. WTF!

Or, maybe geckos knew they were on a mission to outer space and that it would most likely be a one way trip and decided to just end it all. Hope they had Geico life insurance for their remaining families.

mmmmmm

Yes, they were covered

So, this is not a good sign folks.

But, personally, I would not have chosen geckos for that experiment. Shows you how dumb those Russians are.

I would have chosen rabbits. You know how those critters just love to have sex. Even if they eventually died in zero gravity after reaching orbit, I betcha just on that trip alone to get to an orbit position the number of rabbits would have multiplied.

mmmmmm

Russian space bunny astronauts

Can ya see the story in the paper then.

“RABBITS DIE ABOARD RUSSIAN SPACECRAFT”

Moscow – AP News: Two rabbits launched aboard a Russian spacecraft in an experiment dubbed, “Bunny Sex” in near zero gravity were found dead. The Russian space agency said that they initially launched two rabbits into space for the experiment, but after the spacecraft returned to earth, they discovered that several hundred were dead. When asked about the discrepancy between launching two rabbits and finding several hundred, the agency said, “Our experiment was a huge success. You CAN have sex in zero gravity in space.”

A reporter asked the Russian spokesman how could this be a huge success if all of the rabbits were dead. His reply: “Comrade, we started with two rabbits and ended up with seven hundred….you think that not success?”

And in response to the question that if this was a huge success, why is it all of the rabbits did not survive the trip back to earth, the spokesman had this to say:

“Simple Boris, they all ran outta space in that spacecraft and smothered to death. But verrrrrry happily.”

Once again………..bugs

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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