Welcome to the MisfitWisdom Sunday day of rest blog. Which, if I had any sense, I’d be taking a day of rest instead of writing this stupid blog. But, not having any sense, here I am writing stupid stuff.
On the other hand, if you had any sense you wouldn’t be here reading this on a Sunday either.
So that makes two of us, or a bunch of us with absolutely no lives whatsoever that we have to waste our time writing or reading this blog. Sad isn’t it.
Anyhow, after causing enough hate and discontent amongst the Internet Trolls this week I thought I’d be a bit laid back today and contemplate about things that I need, want, and long for…..other than those donations I always ask for but never get.
One was one of those riding lawnmowers. I thought about that because my neighbor has one and it IS the mother of all riding lawnmowers. Problem is, his yard is the size of my closet so I can’t quite understand why he has one.
THEN I realized that it’s not that you need to have a big yard to want a mother of all riding lawnmowers, it’s that you just WANT IT!!!!! That’s the key word here….”WANT.”
Like, it’s only me and my other half living here and a gas grill the size of a Monopoly board works fine for the both of us. BUT…I “WANT” the mother of all grills.
Sure, I only cook two hamburgers and two hot dogs at a time, BUT that’s not the point. Ya see, men need those things, like the mother of all grills and the mother of all riding lawn mowers just to satisfy their need for testosterone.
Which is why men who own motorcycles have straight pipes on their cycles so that they can break the sound barrier when exiting from anywhere and thereby spike their testosterone levels right to the ceiling.
Have you EVER seen a guy who rides a motorcycle with a straight pipe walk out of wherever he is, get on the cycle, and just take off?
NO! They come outta wherever they are, start their cycles, and Varoooooom! Varoooooom! At least for ten to fifteen minutes before actually leaving. Again, spiking their testosterone levels. Which is similar to a woman having a climax during sex.
Only in this case the love affair is with their cycle.
So, I WANT the mother of all grills but my other half says I don’t NEED it.
To which I reply, “I KNOW I DON’T NEED IT….I WANT IT!!!
Which is basically the same argument we have when I want sex. Actually the same argument when ANY man wants sex.
But…..tell a woman she doesn’t NEED a new pair of shoes and all of a sudden the tables are turned. THEN it’s ok for a woman to WANT.
I don’t get it.
Um, actually I do get it, but why try using logic with ANY woman.
So, am I gonna get a new mother of all grills. NO. Am I gonna get a new mother of all riding lawnmowers? NO. Or a new mother f**king of all snowblower. NO.
Because women’s logic is that you don’t really NEED those things and WANTING them is not a viable reason for even considering buying them.
“Sooooo, dear, if I NEED and WANT sex does that fall into the same category?”
“Honey sweetie, you’re confusing NEEDING and WANTING.”
“Yes. See snookums, NEEDING and WANTING material things does not fall into the needing and wanting categories because the things that YOU need and want we can live without, and besides that, they are way too expensive and you can do just fine with your table sized gas grill, push from behind lawnmower and your snow shovel.”
“Um soooo, what has this got to do with sex that doesn’t cost a dime, but that I need and want?”
“Absolutely nothing dear, but it’s woman logic and you know better than to argue with a woman when it comes to women’s logic.”
“Ok……now that we’ve settled all that, I’m going shopping with the girls because Macy’s is having a great sale on women’s shoes that I need and want. Would you like me to pick up anything for you while I’m out dear?”
“Yeah…….the mother of all sledge hammers.”
“But do you need that honey.”
“I will when you get back home honeeeeeee. Heh heh.”
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