Am I pissed off today. You bet your chicken fries I am bunky.
Why? Because, Burger F**king King wants to buy Tim Horton’s of Canada so that they can claim they’re a Canadian company and not have to pay taxes here in the U.S.
Not that THEY aren’t the only ones screwing Uncle Sam and his wife Auntie Sam, but to be so blatant about it and then have the hamburgers…um…sorry….balls to deny that’s the reason really pisses me off.
So…am I pissed off? You bet your onion rings I am. Um, throw in a shake with that while you’re at it.
Now I personally love Burger King. The food, not the King himself. He seems kind of a weirdo if ya ask me. Who the hell walks around wearing those type of clothes today. And those tights. Franky I think he and Ronald McDonald should link up. Both ARE kinda weird.
So, in corporate terms, what does this actually mean?
(The explanation in corporation gobbledygook) (source:”www.forbes.com”)
“In an unexpected and interesting move, Burger King is in talks to buy Canadian coffee-and-doughnut chain Tim Horton’s Inc., a merger that would be structured as a “tax inversion” which would effectively move Burger King’s headquarters to Canada.”
“The really interesting part to the story however is not the fact that an American burger giant is buying up a Canadian national treasure (Wendy’s has previously owned Tim Horton’s for some time), but rather that Canadian corporate tax rates are favorable relative to American corporate tax rates enough to justify a “tax inversion”. A tax inversion occurs when an American company merges with a foreign one and, in the process, reincorporates abroad, effectively entering the foreign country’s tax domicile. An American company that merges with a Canadian target company for share consideration can avoid U.S. residency for tax purposes as long as the shareholders of the Canadian target end up owning at least 20% of the shares of the new parent immediately after the after the acquisition.”
So ungobbledygooking all this for ya…….screw you United States, we’re gonna be a Canadian company and na na na na na na. IRS and the rest of you lowly taxpayers who have to pay taxes, heh, heh, heh.
After all, as that famous philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Corporations. (Burger King) are people too. And, as people, hey, they should be allowed to avoid paying taxes too.”
Cept when WE avoid paying taxes the only options we have are 1. Moving to Canada too and renouncing our U.S. citizenship. 2. Going to the slammer for not paying our taxes. Or, 3. death. Unless we own Burger King.
Now I personally have been a customer of Burger King since day one. Which was December 4, 1954. Which is the date the first Burger King opened in Miami, Florida. Unfortunately because it was in Florida and I was in Rhode Island, technically I wasn’t a customer then, but, um, if I were in Florida in 1954 I would have been. Just a minor point there.
AND….after all those years of loyalty to Burger King and….and…..um….how do I put it…um…..and…..
But my point here is that I feel betrayed. Like….like……a lover that’s been jilted.
It’s like I have the feeling I’ve been used. (sob)
Speaking of being used……………………
All these years I’ve been forking over my hard-earned cash to scarf down a Whopper, onion rings and a coffee and have been a loyal customer, (sniff) and now they toss me aside and move to Canada so they can avoid paying higher taxes here. Bastards.
I’m sorry…….that last comment should be, “motherf**kers.”
So, their basic philosophy is, “Hey you wonderful American Burger King customers. Come on in and continue to enjoy all our food, it’s really inexpensive, even with the taxes you pay at the checkout, which we don’t have to pay, but you do, (suckers) and we’ll enjoy all those profits we make from you as we give you the flying finger from across the border. Cause we ain’t payin’ no stinkin’ high taxes like you jerks.”
Oh….by the way, if ya happen to spot some Canadian geese in the U.S. send em back home.
“Tax inversion.” Ya gotta love that phrase.
“Hey Burger King………I’m bending over……..inversion THIS!!!!”
I’m sorry…….but it pisses me off that corporations, “who are people too” get all the freakin’ breaks while we ordinary slugs get taxed for everything. Trust me, if farting were taxable they’d do it.
Um, actually they do. If ya buy one of those funny whoopee cushions that make fart sounds ya get taxed on it. Soooo…….technically you ARE getting taxed for farting….or simulated farting. Go figure.
So starting today, if not sooner, I am boycotting Burger King and I suggest you do as well. Unless you don’t mind contributing to a sleazy corporation who’s moving to Canada to get a lower tax rate. Or you’re addicted to Whoppers and chicken fries. Or you have a thing for the weird Burger King guy. Whatever.
I’m switching my allegiance to McDonald’s and Wendy’s from this point on.
who pay corporate taxes in the United States of America
and also to the Republic
for which they stand,
one Nation under hamburgers and fries,
with liberty, justice, shakes, and coffee for all
Ok……I feel much better now.
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