URNS That Will Earn You An Eternal Lifetime………As A Tree


Absolutely no one likes to dwell upon the inevitable, which is death. Oh yeah, and taxes. Although with taxes, sometimes ya can get outta paying while death is kinda final and it’s not like you can cut some kinda deal to escape it.

I for one try not to think about it too often. BUT….that said, which I just did, I happened upon a post on my Facebook page the other day from a friend of my other half and it was about a novel way of disposing of yourself once you buy the farm….so to speak.

No....this is not one of the options, but still one to keep in mind

No….this is not one of the options, but still one to keep in mind

Considering my other half’s friend is a woman, (Susan) and she posted that story, and the ratio of married men dying before their spouses is much higher than women, I’m assuming there was an ulterior motive there. Also, her husband is into gardening so maybe it was just a subtle hint.

Like, “Hey Rocky sweetie, you sure have done a great job in the yard planting all those shrubs and trees and that great vegetable garden and stuff. Have ya ever thought about planting yourself in the yard and becoming a tree yourself? No? Well boy have I found a deal for you.”

So what’s that deal she was so excited about that she felt compelled to post it on Facebook? AND….perhaps maybe print out that story and leave it on the breakfast table for Rocky to see.

I’ll tell ya. A story about biodegradable urns that turn into trees once they plant your sorry butt into the ground. Yep….waste not want not.


Hmmmmm, should I plant Marvin next to Ralph, or Herman, or…um…..

(Rocky….pay attention here……might not wanna pass this deal up)


Rocky’s Garden. Enough for three or four husbands….jussssst in case

Here’s how “PreventDisease.com” explains this concept on their website. And, if you’d like further information on how to become a tree you can go to their website at “PreventDisease.com”

“A revolution is upon us on Earth to move from a pollution and waste dependent society to one of sustainability and environmentally friendly initiatives. Trees are the lungs of our planet. The more trees we plant, the cleaner our air for generations to come.”


Also prevents THIS from happening

“We are very proud now to offer our audience the “Bios Urn,” a funerary urn made of biodegradable materials that will turn you into a tree after you die. Inside the urn there is a pine seed, which can be replaced by any other seed or plant, and will grow to remember your loved one. Bios Urn transforms death into life through nature.”

YES! Why just let some money-grubbing funeral home take your dead ass over to the “Forever Dead But Peaceful Cemetery,” plop you into that six-foot hole, cover you with dirt and slap a big heavy stone on top of you.

Not to mention if you were married to a vindictive woman and THIS happens………..d6

Now there’s a better way, as the article states, turning you into a tree after you die and transforming death into life through nature. Sounds kinda soothing doesn’t it. Almost makes ya wanna hurry up and die so that you can become a tree and just lie there and enjoy the surroundings…………nature, birds, chipmunks, squirrels filling those holes in your bark with nuts, along with yours, and that occasional pesky woodpecker pecking at your um….er…..neverrrrr  mind.

So, I can tell that a lot of you reading this are excited at the prospect of becoming a tree. And may have a lot of questions. Like, if I become a tree, can I choose to be an Oak tree and still have a pair of nuts…..or a lot of them?

And you men, like my friend Rocky, should really pay attention to this story considering, as I mentioned earlier, we tend to drop before our spouses do. For many various reasons……………….

Some of the various reasons......besiodes nagging which is not displayed, but should be

Some of the various reasons……besides nagging which is not displayed, but should be

So here are some answers for all of you directly from the “PreventDisease” article which I have put into quotes:

“This new urn comes in two parts: The top part of the Bios Urn is designed to allow the seed to sprout. Before you bury the urn, you will need to mix the components with some soil from where you want your tree to grow. The components will naturally facilitate germination of the seed when mixed with soil. “M” Form follows function. Thanks to its structure, Bios Urn keeps the seed separate from the ashes.”

“The tree grows in the upper compartment, until the urn itself begins to degrade. After this time the entire set becomes part of the sub-soil and fertilizer for the tree.”

“When purchasing the Bios Urn you will receive everything you need for planting your tree.” (minus you of course)


Women….always a barrel of laughs

“The urn is divided into two separate capsules: The upper capsule is a sealed unit to insure the good condition of the seed until it begins to sprout; and the lower capsule is where you will store the ashes. Both compartments are kept completely separate until the urn itself bio degrades.” (along with you biodegrading I’m assuming)

“The urn comes in a single box.” Which I’m again assuming you can also recycle by mailing out other stuff in that box. Again, waste not, want not.

Geez…..even I’m all excited about all this. I’d even consider being a Christmas tree.

Um…..WAIT! Maybeeeee not. Some stinkin’ bastard might come along during the holiday season and chop my butt down and I’d wind up dead for a second time. Scrap THAT idea.

So, how does this all work? You know, taking your ashes and having someone shove you into that biodegradable urn along with a seed or two and hope that you’ll eventually grow into a big strapping tree of some sort.

Again, from the website, how it all works:


Handy dandy instructions for having your spouse plant you

1. The urn comes assembled and ready to be taken to the place chosen for the regeneration.

2. Remove the seal and the outer packaging of the urn.

3. Put the ashes in the urns’ lower part. Close it with the top part and put the soil with the seed in it.

4. Bury the urn in the fertile soil with its top level with the soil surface and water it.

5. In a few days the seed will germinate and your tree will begin to grow.

“Harry! Is that you!!!! OMG….such big branches.”

6. The tree will continue to grow year after year.

YES! You’ll be immortal. You’ll live for years and years. Maybe forever.

FINALLY! Eternal life! Eureka! And the only downside is that you’ll be a tree. But….the upside, you’ll never have to pay taxes anymore or worry about dying.


Unless you happen to appear in a Geico commercial…..then you’re basically screwed

And, you can, as you grow, “branch out” and possibly mingle with other trees. Maybe, for once in your life, if you were kinda the roaming type, finally put down some “roots” Maybe even have little saplings of your own.

Yep, think I’m gonna opt for one of those biodegradable urns myself. I’ve just gotta decide what kinda tree I wanna be and where I want to be planted.

Hmmm. Hey! Wonder if instead of a tree I could opt to be a bush. Yeah! Bushes are nice. Low profile, kinda decorative looking. Everybody likes bushes. Some even vote for them. Oops…wrong kinda bush.

HEY! I resemble that remak.......

HEY! I resemble that remark…….

Yeah…a bush. That’s what I wanna be in my urn.

Um….WAIT! There might be one slight problem here. Suppose when I die I go to that very hot place waaaay down below and when I’m planted in that urn grow into a “burning bush.” OMFG!

What to do?

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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4 Responses to URNS That Will Earn You An Eternal Lifetime………As A Tree

  1. katydidknot says:

    That doesn’t make any sense. I mean, it’s great that there will be trees after I’m dead and that people will be able to breathe and all that, but… Once I am dead, I don’t care whether there’s still oxygen around or not. My concern with the Earth and society, and all of that nonsense ends the moment I do.


  2. in2indigo says:

    You’ve seen our compost bin…..in there you have more choices than just a tree. Also it contains horse shit so maybe….just maybe…..you can become that “Italian stallion” all you “I’ talions” fantasized about…….Just saying:))

    Tell Leilani I’ll try to call her later. Busy day today and all weekend with the show at farm. Josie sends her love.

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