MisfitWisdom Comes To The Defense of “SPAM.”

Before you get all bent outta shape, I’m NOT talking about the spam you get in your e-mail. I ain’t that stoopid ya know.

I’m defending “SPAM,” the canned meat. YES! That wonderful canned meat which 99.9 percent of men absolutely love and 100 percent of women hate. Which is one of the main reasons men love SPAM. Cook it and women freak out to the point of leaving the house. Hence…we get some peace and quiet.spam1

Now I’ve finally had it. Years of SPAM, me and all men taking what I refer to as “SPAM Abuse.”

I have no idea why women hate SPAM. They just do. Maybe it’s because it comes in a can and women just don’t think meat should come in a can. From a dead animal…..that’s ok….but NOT in a can. And, because its processed meat and no one’s really sure what the hell its made out of.

Anyone knows SPAM comes from “Spamolopes.” Duh!

mmmmmm

Actual photo of some Spamolopes

But, in defense of SPAM, here’s some facts. First, what’s in it. Pork shoulder, ham, salt, water, sugar, potato starch and nitrates. Clue….the same stuff that’s in hot dogs.

Do ya hear women complaining about hot dogs? NO! Obviously a clear-cut case of discrimination against SPAM.

Now some facts about SPAM. (excluding the number of male spouse homicides committed by women who lost it when their husbands were cooking SPAM)

SPAM was introduced back in 1937 by the “Hormel Foods Corporation.” Long before women had the right to actually challenge men for eating it. Which was later passed by Congress in the 1942 “SPAM Womens Rights Act.”

Women protesting at the U.S. Capitol for the right to complain about SPAM

Women protesting at the U.S. Capitol for the right to complain about SPAM

During World War II the Russians consumed over one hundred million pounds of SPAM. Obviously a devious plan to eat all of the SPAM on earth in the hope that U.S. soldiers, who absolutely loved SPAM, would surrender when the supply of American SPAM ran out.

The Russians disguised their cans of SPAM

The Russians disguised their cans of SPAM but we weren’t fooled. The square can was the tipoff

Fortunately, for us, we gave half of Berlin, Germany to the Russians in return for 100,000 million cans of SPAM. Little known fact.

SPAM even had its own mascot. “Slammin’ Spammy.”

Back off ladies......

Back off ladies……

And if you SPAM hatin’ women think you’re ever gonna win the war against SPAM, forget it! There are 44,000 or 33,000 pounds of SPAM produced by Hormel Foods every hour. All in a secret location near Roswell, New Mexico surrounded by armed guards and motion detectors in case of an attack by crazed SPAM hating women.

MisfitWisdom did manage to obtain the only known photo of that secret facility

MisfitWisdom did manage to obtain the only known photo of that secret facility

The country that eats the most SPAM is South Korea. The United States is next. Followed by the tiny island of Bishop Rock which is off the coast of the United Kingdom. Only because, until recently, there were two people living on that island left over from a merchant ship that sank 30 years ago which was loaded with SPAM, and they, and the SPAM cargo survived. They fought off any attempts to be rescued fearing their horde of SPAM might be confiscated.

mmmmm

Ohhh, just hangin’ around and eating SPAM

Ok, I will admit that SPAM, according to health officials, is kinda unhealthy for you. Because it contains the following: 100 grams of fat. 1,000 calories, 240 milligrams of cholesterol, and 4.696 milligrams of sodium.

On the positive side…..it tastes realllly good. Sooooo, if it looks good, tastes good, and ya like it, who gives a rats ass about all that other negative stuff. HEY! Chocolate has a lot of stuff in it too…….and CALORIES! Do ya think women would give THAT up? F**k no.

Ummmm, slurp, chocolate...yumm.....lick.....bite....f**k them calories....more....more....more

Ummmm, slurp, chocolate…yumm…..lick…..bite….screw them calories….more….more….more

And you SPAM hating women, jusssst in case you EVER think of divorcing your man because he loves SPAM, just remember this. There are places that will welcome him with open arms. Like Austin, Minnesota which holds annual festivals and has the official SPAM museum.

Austin, Minnesota SPAM museum. (not sure if women are allowed)

Austin, Minnesota SPAM museum. (not sure if women are allowed)

And in Waikiki they hold an annual “SPAM Jam.”

mmmmmm

When attending the Waikiki SPAM festival it is best to remember these two sayings: “E’ Ai Kakou.” Which means Bon appetite. And “Aia i hea ka lua?” Which means, where’s the toilet.

And in Shady Grove, Oregon a SPAM parade and festival. SO THERE!!!!

mmm

Oding on SPAM finally takes its toll on one kid

In conclusion, SPAM will be here FOREVER! So deal with it women.

And if you’re wondering what the secret of longevity for SPAM is…..

mmmmmm

Yep…SPAM jelly

OK men…..time for some peace and quiet…..fire up the grill and fry that SPAM.

Thank you Hormel.

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Copyright 2014 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to MisfitWisdom Comes To The Defense of “SPAM.”

  1. J Roycroft says:

    What a great article and yes, I love my SPAM! I have the best of both culinary worlds….My wife, a 28 year old former student of LeCordon Bleu also appreciates SPAM, especially the bacon SPAM. Fry that stuff up, bury it in a biscuit and leave me the f#ck alone!
    Great article Richard and thanks for pushing one of the best damn guy foods ever created.

  2. misfit120 says:

    Thanks John. I felt it was about time we men stood up for SPAM. Glad you have a wife who appreciates really good food too. A rarity. Unfortunately my other half hates it…..I made trade her in for a woman who appreciates SPAM

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