“Yahoo Health,” which has nothing to do with the health of Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahooooo, has an article of five senses that most of us have no idea we have.
Like I’m pretty sure I don’t have any common sense. Otherwise, if I did, I wouldn’t be wasting my time writing this dumb blog every day.
Credit for this article, which I am expanding on, goes to reporter Ryan Wallace who obviously had no sense when it came to writing this article because of all the big words that none of us with any common sense know what the freak they mean.
But fear not. Ryan, because we’re all stoopid, explains what these big words mean and helps us all to understand what other five senses we have and why, because, as I said, we’re so stoopid, we don’t know we even have them.
That is besides the regular five senses all of us have which are:
Sight. (All the better to see you naked my dear)
Touch: (All the better to ravage your naked body my dear)
Smell: (All the better to inhale that sexy perfume on your naked body my dear)
Taste: (All the better to um…er……..well you know where I was going with this one)
Hearing: (All the better to hear those seven words which cancel out those other four senses, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache)
Soooo, what are these other senses that Ryan says we didn’t know we have. And which we could possibly employ to combat that headache excuse…..maybe.
“Equilibrioception. The fact that you can stand and walk without falling is attributed to your sense of balance, aka equilibrioception, and is regulated by fluid in the inner ear. It works with your sense of vision to help you move around safely. Spin around repeatedly, and you throw this system off, causing dizziness and, yes, loss of balance.”
Which basically means that if you ever see anyone attempting to stand and walk and they’re falling down, the fluid in their ears is low. You should immediately take a dipstick, stick it in their ear, measure the fluid, and if its low, pour a bucket of water into their ears.
This method was also widely used by Dick Cheney in Iraq when prisoners kept falling down after hours of intense interrogation. However, it was one of the interrogators who pointed out to Cheney that the water should be poured in the prisoners ears and not down his throat. Minor glitch there.
“Proprioception. This one is the ability to know where your body parts are without looking. So if you close your eyes and raise your hand, you know where your hand is even without looking. This sounds pointless, but without proprioception, you would have to constantly look down at your feet to be able to walk. Police test proprioception when someone is suspected of drunk driving.”
I knew this one because I always check, on a daily basis, exactly where all of my body parts are before I get dressed in the morning. Ya never know when you’re gonna get stopped by some smart ass cop asking you if you know where your balls are if you’ve had a drink or two.
Or some hooker is giving out freebees.
Or, if your partner actually doesn’t have a headache and you’re all set to go and discover you have no idea where your Johnson is. Proprioception….verrrrrry important.
“Thermoception. If you sit by a campfire, you feel the heat. Grab ice out of the freezer and you feel how cold it is. Thermoceptors in your skin are what sense those changes in temperature. The ability to detect heat and cold was once rolled up under the sense of touch. However, you don’t have to physically touch something to feel the heat (coming from that campfire, for example), so thermoception is in a category of its own. Separate thermoceptors in your brain help detect and regulate changes in core body temperature.”
Again…..this one is also very important when it comes to relationships. Hence the term, “cold fish.” (ya have to think about that one)
Ok…ok….ya need an example….cripes!
“Martha, what say you and I head off to the bedroom and get it on.”
“Oh Harvey, not now, I’m having a “hot flash.”
“Damn!!! Ok, then light my cigar here, I’m outta matches.”
“Nociception. This is your ability to sense pain. Nociception and thermoception are usually lumped together because, to some extent, they use the same nerve cells in the skin. You have nociceptors in your skin, bones and joints, and internal organs.”
Such as that moment when you’re out in the yard building something and cut off your arm with a chain saw. If you did not have those “nociception” sensors you’d be completely oblivious to any pain and be able to finish that project without ever having to bother those busy people at the emergency room of your local hospital.
Not to mention the money you’d be saving on doctor and emergency room bills.
Or, the fact that your survivors will only have to shell out money for your funeral because you’ll have bled to death, BUT, that’s the only bill they’d have to fork out, AND, at least that project you were working on, when they found your cold dead body, would be finished.
And the last sense you didn’t know you had…….
“Interoception: This is an umbrella term for senses that govern our internal organs. “Your body is full of internal receptors that trigger subconscious or reflexive reactions important for your health and well-being. These receptors perform a wide range of involuntary tasks, such as triggering a cough, controlling respiratory rate, and telling you when you’re hungry or thirsty.”
Frankly I think this one is the most useless of all senses. I don’t give a rats ass if I didn’t ever know what the hell it was. Like why do I need to know I had a sense that triggered a cough?
I feel like coughing….I cough. WTF!
And controlling my respiratory rate? I don’t do anything……that sure as hell controls my respiratory rate.
And that, telling me when I’m hungry or thirsty sense? I need a damn sense to tell me that? Usually if my tongue is hangin’ outta my mouth it’s a damn clue I’m thirsty.
And I need a sense to tell me I wanna scarf down a hamburger, some fries and a smoothie? Makes no sense to me. Which could mean that I’m lacking in sense. Or have no sense at all. Or it’s just “nonsense.”
I figure it this way. I didn’t know about all those senses, I’ve survived this long not knowing about them. And I’m NOT gonna worry about them now.
So, what was the purpose of Yahoo and Ryan bringing this to our attention. Or mine.
Other than to get all of us, including myself, read that article when we could have spent our time reading other……………non-sense.
Makes sense to me.
Hmmmm. Is THAT yet another sense we don’t know we have?
“STUPIDCEPTION.” Which is the sense your body has that alerts you that an article you’re about to read is nonsense so don’t waste your time reading it. Like today’s MisfitWisdom blog.
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