Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? To Piss Off A State Senator.

mmmmm

FINALLY! An answer to that age-old question. “Why did the chicken, or chickens cross the road.” Or in this instance, a driveway and front yard of a Iowa Democratic Senate candidate.

Obviously a conspiracy by Republican chickens to make this guy look bad.chickens4

And, it worked. Considering this was the screaming headline in a newspaper:

“Iowa Democrat May Lose Senate Bid Because He Is A Litigious Idiot And His Wife Hates Chickens”

Yep, the major news story as reported by “The Daily Caller” today. Cripes, it even appeared in “The Washington Post.”

Screw those insignificant stories about the Ebola outbreak, Syria, Ukraine, and bombing strikes in Iraq, THIS is freakin’ biggggg news.

Anytime a Senate candidate is in jeopardy of losing an election because of a chicken, or chickens, it IS big news. Maybe we should call it, “Chickengate.”

mmmmmm

Hence….Mafia Chickengate

So what’s this all about? And should we all be worrying about chickens influencing political races?

It seems that Democratic Iowa Senate candidate and current House member Bruce Braley has this thing about chickens roaming around his property. So much so that his wife Carolyn refused to accept a gift of a dozen fresh organic eggs from a neighbor which were produced by her prized chickens.

Braley’s wife answered the door and said, “F**K off you damn chicken freak. We hate chickens.”

Um…no….sorry, read that wrong. What Braley’s wife actually said was, ““We aren’t going to accept your eggs — and we have filed a formal complaint against you.”

Um, maybe the newspaper cleaned it up a bit and Braley’s wife actually did say, “F**K off you damn chicken freak.”

mmmmm

The Braley’s at the “Homeowners Association” private restaurant

I mean, as it stands, the Braley’s were pissed off because chickens WERE crossing the road, (which answers that age-old question as to why) and so Mrs. Braley may have indeed used chicken insensitive language. Like, “F**K off you damn chicken lovers.” Or something like that.

Soooo, Braley and his wife, (the chicken haters) hired a lawyer employed by the homeowners association, (who obviously deals with chickenshit issues) so that he could declare that chickens should be outlawed from the 755-acre resort community.

Braley wrote to the lawyer and stated: “Chickens are not pets and should not be permitted at Holiday Lake.”

Not sure if this applies to anyone who could be classified as a “chicken” for not doing stuff like, say, jumping off a high cliff into the water, or not taking someone up on a dare. Kinda vague when it comes to that chicken calling name stuff ya know.

Or, those other kinds of chicks………………'Well, I'll be! Biker chicks!'

(NOTE) I attempted to contact Mitt Romney to see if he would make a statement that chickens are indeed pets, but was unsuccessful.

However, all this chickenshit stuff has taken a toll on Braley’s Senate race because it appeared that he was going to sue his neighbors rather than just work it out by meeting with them and discussing this chickenshit problem.

(The neighbors did erect a fence to prevent the chickens from crossing the road)

But, as Holiday Lake homeowner William Nagel put it, “Buddy, we’re here in Iowa. We talk like men here and we act like men. Usually, a man’s word is like gold. A handshake is a contract. Neighbors are neighbors, and if you’ve got a problem with your neighbor, you talk it out.”

Yeah……ya talk it out like real men. Sit down and discuss this problem. Crack an egg or two and have a omelet. Put all your eggs into one basket and reach a compromise instead of scrambling the issue entirely. No sense getting all poached out about something so, um….so…er……chickenshit.

I mean…..just how bad can a problem with chickens be?

mmmmmm

Um…ok….I stand corrected

Braley did respond to critics by saying, “At no time did I ever — ever — threaten a lawsuit or threaten litigation. Never. And anybody who says that I did is not being truthful.”

AND……he also said he thought he was the “victim of a conspiracy.”

SEE! You thought I was nuts mentioning a conspiracy. So there! “Chickengate!”

He’s claiming that, “some people do not want him to be the next Senator from Iowa and will stop at nothing to drag my family through the mud.” Or chickenshit.

Which can be very putrid. Hey, have ya ever driven behind a truck carrying a load of chickenshit. Whoo! Let alone being dragged through it.

Yeah Elmer...keep them thar tailgaters fer away from mah truck

Yeah Elmer…it’ll keep them thar tailgaters fer away from mah truck

WAIT! What about Braley’s Republican opponent? What does SHE have to say about this chickenshit issue?

(From the Washington Post article)

Joni Ernst, Braley’s Republican opponent, has seized on the fowl fracas.

“You threaten to sue somebody because a chicken’s on your property? That’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s Iowa. Come on. Get over yourself.”

Yeah Braley. Get over yourself. So what if chickens are roaming all over your property. Make the best of it for cripes sake. Collect some eggs. Do ya have any idea the money you could save by not having to go to a grocery store and buying a dozen eggs!

And how easy it would be to just scoff up one of those chickens when unexpected friends arrive and ya need to grill something on the barbecue. Get a freakin’ grip!

This is a gift. Free chicken wings every night. Screw going to KFC.

Um...er....well, I didn't mean "screw" KFC literally

Um…er….well, I didn’t mean “screw” KFC literally

Um….wait….he has another problem…. DAMN!

Ok…..what’s his other problem?

(Washington Post again)

“The month of May was a bad one for Braley for other reasons as well. Video surfaced on the Democrat speaking negatively about farmers at a Texas fundraiser full of trial lawyers.

With liquor bottles behind him as he spoke, Braley told his fellow trial lawyers that “if you help me win this race, you may have someone with your background, your experience, your voice.”

“Or, you might have a farmer from Iowa, who never went to law school, never practiced law, serving as the next chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee,” Braley said in reference to Iowa Republican Charles Grassley.”

OMFG! “Chickenshitfarmergate.”

mmmmmm

Even more chickenshit

Hmmmm. Oh well, I guess that headline I posted above from that story, “litigious idiot” was correct.

Ya can’t go around dissing chickens and farmers and expect them not to come after you with pitchforks. And especially that “farmer in the dell” guy who has a lot of influential contacts.

AND……who now, in the light of all this chickenshit/egg stuff, is threatening to reopen an investigation into the untimely demise of a Mr. Dumpty who apparently fell off of a wall on the Braley’s property.

Previously ruled an accident, but now, in light of Braley’s comments about chickens, deserves further looking into.

MMMMM

Is that Braley peeking over that wall

Ohhhhhh what a wicked web we weave when we commit a “fowl” deed.”

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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