Japan Love Houses. AND…..You Don’t Even Need A Real Estate Agent..

Blondie and Dagwood finally get it on after a trip to Japan

Blondie and Dagwood finally get it on after a trip to Japan

I’m sure a lot of you have heard the song, “Love Shack” by the B52’s. If not, here it is…..for those of you who may have just dropped out of the womb.

http://youtu.be/9SOryJvTAGs

Yes, a “love shack” where you can go and, um…..love I guess. BUT…hah….that’s all a guy’s fantasy. We all know there’s no such thing as a love shack. Cripes, if there was we men would be flocking there in droves.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!! There IS such a place. And it’s called “The Love House.” Which I guess is a lot better than a “love shack” when ya think about it. I mean, what would you rather be making out with a woman in? A house or a freakin’ shack.

What "I" envisioned a "love shack" or house to look like.

What “I” envisioned a “love shack” or house to look like.

Um, there IS one downer to all this. THIS “love house” is in Japan. Just a minor glitch.

What they actually look like

What they actually look like

And, for those of you reading today’s blog about “shacks” who suffer from dyslexia, what your image might be:

Sorry ladies.....wrong Shaq

Sorry ladies…..wrong Shaq

Here’s how “The Daily Beast’s” Lizzie Crocker puts it all in perspective for all of us men now salivating at the thought:

“An elderly couple dances under flashing lights in an ersatz (inferior) disco club. A self-described “family man” is suspended from the ceiling in a bondage suit and gimp mask, a rope tied around his penis. A white-haired man stares blankly at an endless loop of pornography, bemoaning his lost libido and recounting his first sexual experience in a love hotel.”

Hmmm……sounds like my kinda place. If I wanna torture the hell outta myself that is. Like why in the hell would I wanna be suspended from a ceiling fan wearing a mask and have a rope tied around my penis for cripes sake?

Sounds to me more like being tortured for information rather than being in a “Love House.”

I'm assuming if you're a bit older there may be other options other than ceiling fans

I’m assuming if you’re a bit older there may be other options other than ceiling fans

But, that’s what happens at this Japanese “Love House” on a daily basis. Obviously television programming sucks in Japan. So much so that these people have to go out and do all this weird stuff just to amuse themselves.

BUT WAIT!

There’s more. There are 30,000 “love hotels” in Japan that offer pay-by-the-hour lodgings offering a discreet haven for trysts, affairs, and visits with prostitutes and dominatrixes. (no mention if any animals were involved….but….ya never know)

And you thought Anthony Wiener was weird for showing his bulge on Twitter.weiner3

Cripes, I can image what Japanese politics is like over there. Never mind just showing your bulging manhood on Twitter.

Here’s an example of what goes on in those “love shacks.” Besides that painful penis ceiling fan thing.

(either Japanese men can withstand a lot of pain when it comes to strapping their penises to a ceiling fan with a rope or there are way too less merry-go-rounds in Japan)

Hmmmm. You know that commercial on TV for “Direct TV” where the guy lives with a woman who’s attached to strings. Wonder if they have that one in Japan where the guy’s penis is attached to a string too. Same concept as the American ad. Ya think?

mmmm

Hey baybeeee…..do I look sexy….huh….do I….huh….wanna hang me from the ceiling fan….

Sorry, I got carried away there for a sec. As I was saying, here’s an example of what goes on in those “love houses.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Sakomoto, a middle-aged couple who come to the “Angel,” love shack go there to rekindle the flame in their marriage, as well as to talk about the need to rekindle the flame in their marriage. They role-play in a room designed to look like a subway car in which Mrs. Sakomoto is a passenger, and her husband is the conductor, and then cuddle innocuously in the hotel bed.”

Huh?

I think I lost it here somewhere. WTF does being on a subway have to do with cuddling in a hotel bed? Or being a conductor and passenger. Me thinkith the Sakomotos overdoith it on Saki.

mmmm

Then again, kinky sex does happen in New York City subways

 

Maybe another example might be in order.

“Rika, a 26 year-old dominatrix ties up her clients with a rope and degrades them.”

(same concept as being married minus the rope)

Okaaaaay. Let me see if I understand this correctly. Ceiling fan penis pain, being tied up with a rope while someone degrades you and all this time, which I failed to mention, a film crew is following you around capturing every intimate moment.

HEY! I guess if that’s what the Japanese are into, who the hell am I to criticize them. BUT, I got one thing to say to them.

If any of you Japanese who have visited the “Love Shack” EVER come to the United States and decide to run for political office….FORGET IT! You’ll be all over the front pages of the National Enquirer as well as every conceivable news show you can think of. Anthony Weiner will look like a freakin’ saint.

Unless it's an Oscar Mayer hot dog

Unless it’s an Oscar Mayer hot dog

Now I know there ARE a lot of you out there that are into this stuff. First of all, let me note that “I” am NOT one of them. Ain’t nothin’ going around MY penis but a condom.

But if you are into this, you can view a documentary film about all this stuff by searching the web for the film by Hikaru Toda and Phil Cox entitled, “Love Hotel.”

(is it me or do you also find it kind of ironic that one of those guys names is “Cox”……ya have to think about that one)

As I said, I’m NOT into that stuff. Not even that part where the film crew follows you around filming every intimate moment. WTF!

“Oh, excuse me Mrs. Sushikomoto. We kinda missed that last part where in the throes of passion you screamed in ecstasy as Mr Shushikomoto lowered himself down from the ceiling fan and as he was spinning around you had that terrific climax. Could ya like do that one more time……after Mr. Shushikomoto is done barfing from spinning around so much.”

mmmmmmm

Whoa! Hold up there pal……I know you’ve got one of those “four-hour” erections but we’re only gettin’ paid to film you for your 30 minute sex session

And you all thought “Godzilla” was exciting to watch.

Must be the sushi those Japanese eat.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Japan Love Houses. AND…..You Don’t Even Need A Real Estate Agent..

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