Dating Service Sites……..The Shape of Things To Come.

date1

Either there are a lot of real butt ugly no personality dregs of the earth type people out there who couldn’t get a date if their life depended on it, or……we’re becoming a society of lazy slugs who just wanna skip the troll searching for a partner routine in bars and other places and are opting to rely on those dating services to find the “perfect match” for us.

Like they say. The great thing about masturbation is you don't have to look your best and all ya have to do is pour beer on your hand to get your date drunk

Like they say. The great thing about masturbation is you don’t have to look your best and all ya have to do is pour beer on your hand to get your date drunk….ba-da-boom-ba-da bing!

Not to mention, but I will, with regard to above cartoon, pick ups in a bar are a lot much easier…………

mmmm

Easy pick up…….

I came to that conclusion after seeing yet another ad for a dating service on the tube last week. This one was for seniors.

“Hey, are you old, lonely and partially senile. Well now “Old Fart.Com” can find your perfect match. No more trolling senior centers, assisted living facilities, bingo halls, and emergency rooms for that perfect mate. We do it all for you.”

And immediately several gazillion old seniors pick up the phone or go on their computers and sign up. Providing they can still function normally enough to accomplish that.

mmm

Bastards……..

But it’s true. There are all sorts of dating services popping up. I think “eHarmony” started it all. Then came “Christian Mingles” or Pringles, or something like that. Now it’s getting way outta hand. There’s a dating service for just about anyone out there.

I’m glad I do not have to go that route. It would be very tough for me personally to find the right dating service.

mmmmmm

Hmmm. Maybe you’re just an ass sir

First of all I’m over the ol hill. So I’d either have to seek out that old fart site or rely on reading the obituaries in my local newspaper to find my perfect mate. Which, when ya think about it, might spawn yet another dating service.

“MortuarySingles.com” (TV AD) “Saaaaay there seniors. Tired of reading those obituaries just to see who dropped recently and if they’re in the market for a new relationship. Well, here at “MortuarySingles.com” we do all the work for you. A complete list of men and women who recently became single, due to unforseen circumstances, (death) and who are now in the market for a new relationship. Simply go on-line and fill out our handy application and we’ll match you up with someone. Be sure to indicate just how long you think you have to live so that we can match you up with someone who basically has the same amount of time left.”

mmmm

If ya go, better get an extra seat for her oxygen tank or scooter pal

I know, you think that’s pushing it a bit. But I bet ya someone is thinking about that concept.

I mean, look at the dating services that are out there now besides the ones that I mentioned.

It’s becoming a “select choice” type of industry. Which means that these dating services are catering to select groups, such as that Christian site and even that new site for Jewish people. Those services will match up anyone just to make a buck.

mmmmm

Does this mean sex is out of the question honeeee?

Takes the work out of all that useless bar hopping stuff and having to use that old line over and over again, “Heyyyyy baybee, what’s your sign?” Or that other age-old line used by us old seniors,  “Heyyyyy baybee, I don’t have a lot of time left so let’s just cut to the chase, wanna get laid?”

And, considering there are so many different types of people roaming the earth with various sexual preferences, I can see more and more of these dating services popping up.

“Bondage.com.” “Why get “tied up” searching for that perfect match. We here at “Bondage.com” free you from those time-consuming “shackles” searches and actually find the perfect mate for you to “strap down” with.”

mmmm

Oral sex here …..my guess anyhow

“ConservativeMingle.Com,” “Meet friendly conservative singles just like yourself willing to do all sorts of weird stuff behind closed doors while dissing liberals for doing the same thing.”

“LiberalMingle.com” “Meet friendly liberal singles just like yourself willing to do all sorts of weird stuff behind closed doors while dissing conservatives for doing the same thing.”

Of course there’s the Tea Party” but their into tea bag sex so I don’t EVEN wanna go there and imagine what that TV ad would look like…..or what the hell they’re into.

Then, there’s “AnthonyWeiner.com,” “ToddAkin.com,” and “LarryCraig.com,” which are dating services for singles into realllly weird stuff but disses both conservatives and liberals for doing what they’re doing . First month’s membership is absolutely free just in case you get caught doing weird stuff. If you’re still doing that freaky stuff after one month, and haven’t been caught, membership is $25.oo.

Obviously a politician

Obviously a politician

I suspect all this is not going to end soon. More and more select dating services are going to be popping up because everyone has certain preferences as to who they want to be matched up with. And, in today’s society we just do not have the time to spend weeding out prospective mates.

It’s just so much easier to join one of these dating services and have them find our perfect match for us.

Now I’d like to start my own dating service just to cash in on this latest trend. But, seeing that a lot of people have already sewed up the dating service market for humans, I thought I’d focus on animals.

Yes, animals. How great an idea is THAT!date8

Just think about it for a sec. Wanna match up the perfect mate for your dog or cat. How about, “AnimalSingles.com.”

“Here at “AnimalSingles.com” we eliminate all the tedious butt sniffing and leg humping from your pets constant search for the perfect mate. No more “brown-nosing for Rover. No more “pussy-spraying” for Fluffy. We do it all for you with our handy pet match making process. (DISCLAIMER) Rabbit owners are excluded from this offer.”bunny3

So, there ya have it folks. What to look for in the future when it comes to new dating service ads on TV.

Yep, someone for everyone.

Hmmmmm…………..

Maybe even, “MarryDivorceMaryDivorceMarryDivorceMaryDivorce.com.”

mmmmm

Don’t fret it Claude. There are plenty more snakes in the grass

I can see their opening ad line: “Saaaaay. Are you a celebrity constantly getting married and divorced that you’ve entirely lost track of who the hell you’re married to or divorced from and still in the market for yet another marriage? Welllllll, we here at “MDMDMDMD.com.” ………………………

And, if all else fails, just say screw it and go to your local bar to have a good time and hang out with all the other losers who just can’t find a date.

mmmmmm

Psssst, hey guys, I think that hot babe at the end of the bar has the hots for me…….whaddya think?                  Um, forget it  Dubya…..I think your father has first dibs on her.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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7 Responses to Dating Service Sites……..The Shape of Things To Come.

  1. swedenole13 says:

    I had to laugh at this post! At one of our concerts in the park one evening, an odd looking fellow carrying a piece of cardboard walked by me and proceeded to find a spot where he could sit and see everyone else. Then I saw him erect his sign in front of himself…He was advertising that dating service Plenty of Fish and that he was available! LOL….in the end he did seem to end up talking with a couple of women.

  2. I think it’s just because no one really wants to meet anyone these days, unless they want to have sex. You give a shit about your neighbour and everyone who lives in your apartment block unless they’re hot. It’s very shallow… Globalisation made this happen!

  3. katydidknot says:

    Half of the couples I know met each other online…

    I have no use for a relationship, although I might prefer people believe I am in one, if only to keep from fitting an FBI profile.

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