Either there are a lot of real butt ugly no personality dregs of the earth type people out there who couldn’t get a date if their life depended on it, or……we’re becoming a society of lazy slugs who just wanna skip the troll searching for a partner routine in bars and other places and are opting to rely on those dating services to find the “perfect match” for us.
Not to mention, but I will, with regard to above cartoon, pick ups in a bar are a lot much easier…………
I came to that conclusion after seeing yet another ad for a dating service on the tube last week. This one was for seniors.
“Hey, are you old, lonely and partially senile. Well now “Old Fart.Com” can find your perfect match. No more trolling senior centers, assisted living facilities, bingo halls, and emergency rooms for that perfect mate. We do it all for you.”
And immediately several gazillion old seniors pick up the phone or go on their computers and sign up. Providing they can still function normally enough to accomplish that.
But it’s true. There are all sorts of dating services popping up. I think “eHarmony” started it all. Then came “Christian Mingles” or Pringles, or something like that. Now it’s getting way outta hand. There’s a dating service for just about anyone out there.
I’m glad I do not have to go that route. It would be very tough for me personally to find the right dating service.
First of all I’m over the ol hill. So I’d either have to seek out that old fart site or rely on reading the obituaries in my local newspaper to find my perfect mate. Which, when ya think about it, might spawn yet another dating service.
“MortuarySingles.com” (TV AD) “Saaaaay there seniors. Tired of reading those obituaries just to see who dropped recently and if they’re in the market for a new relationship. Well, here at “MortuarySingles.com” we do all the work for you. A complete list of men and women who recently became single, due to unforseen circumstances, (death) and who are now in the market for a new relationship. Simply go on-line and fill out our handy application and we’ll match you up with someone. Be sure to indicate just how long you think you have to live so that we can match you up with someone who basically has the same amount of time left.”
I know, you think that’s pushing it a bit. But I bet ya someone is thinking about that concept.
I mean, look at the dating services that are out there now besides the ones that I mentioned.
It’s becoming a “select choice” type of industry. Which means that these dating services are catering to select groups, such as that Christian site and even that new site for Jewish people. Those services will match up anyone just to make a buck.
Takes the work out of all that useless bar hopping stuff and having to use that old line over and over again, “Heyyyyy baybee, what’s your sign?” Or that other age-old line used by us old seniors, “Heyyyyy baybee, I don’t have a lot of time left so let’s just cut to the chase, wanna get laid?”
And, considering there are so many different types of people roaming the earth with various sexual preferences, I can see more and more of these dating services popping up.
“Bondage.com.” “Why get “tied up” searching for that perfect match. We here at “Bondage.com” free you from those time-consuming “shackles” searches and actually find the perfect mate for you to “strap down” with.”
“ConservativeMingle.Com,” “Meet friendly conservative singles just like yourself willing to do all sorts of weird stuff behind closed doors while dissing liberals for doing the same thing.”
“LiberalMingle.com” “Meet friendly liberal singles just like yourself willing to do all sorts of weird stuff behind closed doors while dissing conservatives for doing the same thing.”
Of course there’s the Tea Party” but their into tea bag sex so I don’t EVEN wanna go there and imagine what that TV ad would look like…..or what the hell they’re into.
Then, there’s “AnthonyWeiner.com,” “ToddAkin.com,” and “LarryCraig.com,” which are dating services for singles into realllly weird stuff but disses both conservatives and liberals for doing what they’re doing . First month’s membership is absolutely free just in case you get caught doing weird stuff. If you’re still doing that freaky stuff after one month, and haven’t been caught, membership is $25.oo.
I suspect all this is not going to end soon. More and more select dating services are going to be popping up because everyone has certain preferences as to who they want to be matched up with. And, in today’s society we just do not have the time to spend weeding out prospective mates.
It’s just so much easier to join one of these dating services and have them find our perfect match for us.
Now I’d like to start my own dating service just to cash in on this latest trend. But, seeing that a lot of people have already sewed up the dating service market for humans, I thought I’d focus on animals.
Just think about it for a sec. Wanna match up the perfect mate for your dog or cat. How about, “AnimalSingles.com.”
“Here at “AnimalSingles.com” we eliminate all the tedious butt sniffing and leg humping from your pets constant search for the perfect mate. No more “brown-nosing for Rover. No more “pussy-spraying” for Fluffy. We do it all for you with our handy pet match making process. (DISCLAIMER) Rabbit owners are excluded from this offer.”
So, there ya have it folks. What to look for in the future when it comes to new dating service ads on TV.
Yep, someone for everyone.
Maybe even, “MarryDivorceMaryDivorceMarryDivorceMaryDivorce.com.”
I can see their opening ad line: “Saaaaay. Are you a celebrity constantly getting married and divorced that you’ve entirely lost track of who the hell you’re married to or divorced from and still in the market for yet another marriage? Welllllll, we here at “MDMDMDMD.com.” ………………………
And, if all else fails, just say screw it and go to your local bar to have a good time and hang out with all the other losers who just can’t find a date.
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