“Designer Vagina’s?” I Was Kinda Curious…………….Sooooooooooooo.

Look, DO NOT shoot the messenger, which I would be. I’m only reporting to you on a story that “The Daily Beast” reported on. So, if ya wanna shoot anyone for writing a story about “Designer Vaginas,” which kinda sounds like it would really be a neat name for a female rock group, then shoot the people at “The Daily Beast.”

I might add that this story was filed under the heading of “Fashion.” Go figure.

And the header for their story was titled, “Beware The Designer Vagina.”

Which scared the hell outta me because it sounds like a horror movie in the making.

AND….do you have ANY freakin’ idea how hard it is to find cartoons about vaginas!

However, considering vaginas have been the downfall of men since Adam and Eve, I did my best……………..




Now, personally, I’m no expert when it comes to anything regarding vaginas. Not having one of course. And not being a gynecologist. BUT….I DID stay at a Holiday Inn Express.

What caught my eye, other than the word “vagina” was this opening line in their story. “More young women are tailoring their lady bits than ever before, according to a new report from Transform, a leading cosmetic group in the UK.”

I’m assuming “lady bits” has nothing to do with a new candy  such as “Reeses Pieces.” My guess anyhow.


However, I could be mistaken

It has more to do with women between the ages of 18 and 24 who are seeking labia reduction surgery.

Hmmm, now how do I explain this delicately for those of you who are not knowledgeable about this stuff…….(thinking as any stupid guy would think)

Ok, um, if those women are not satisfied with the appearance of their female genitalia, (lower body part) they can have surgery to make it appear more attractive.

Best I can do folks.

Soooo, why, when you consider that it’s not like women walk around in everyday life displaying their vaginas would anyone want to have cosmetic surgery on their labia?


On their boobs maybe, but on their labia?

How does the article explain that? Obviously in language that all of us would clearly understand. Which is as follows: Because of the, ““unrealistic representations of female genitalia in pornographic materials, despite facilitating these unrealistic representations.”

Which basically means that when men look at pornographic material which display women’s private parts, (genitalia) we’re not actually seeing what we’re actually supposed to be seeing because most of those photos are of women who have had surgery on their vaginas. Which, as mentioned in that quote above, is an “unrealistic representation.”

(this is getting waaaaay to confusing for me)


Major Labia? Wasn’t he a general in WWII

So what this all means is that a lot of women are not happy with the appearance of their vaginas.

Which I’m assuming most men could give a rats ass what it looks like as long as it works. But, you know how women are. Ya think THEY care what we men think? NO!

“Dear, do you think these panties make my vagina look fat?”

Which most likely will be the next question women will be asking men after reading this story.

Now I know this may all seem a bit confusing to a lot of you women who may be just hearing about this for the first time.

Not to mention us men who are reading this and saying to ourselves, WTF!

But, to put it a bit, (not a lady bit)  more in perspective, here’s another quote from that “Daily Beast” article.”

“Indeed, the term “designer vagina” began popping up in mainstream media just as Internet porn was becoming ubiquitous. In 2000, Salon reported on the “rapidly growing industry” from Dr. David Matlock’s Designer Laser Vaginoplasty clinic in Los Angeles, where women shelled out thousands of dollars to have their “labia modified, vulvae reconfigured.” Some women began electing to remove their entire labia minora (the inner vaginal lips)—a procedure nicknamed “The Barbie” by a Laguna Beach plastic surgeon—which resulted in a prepubescent “clamshell” aesthetic. In 2011, the International Society of Sexual Medicine published a review which found that 87 percent of women who underwent vaginal rejuvenation surgery did so solely for cosmetic purposes.”

YES! For “cosmetic purposes.” Like putting on makeup, blow drying your hair, and, oh yeah, having your vagina appear more friendlier looking. Or, resembling your “clamshell” cell phone. You know….mix and match.


WAIT! It gets better. Again, a quote from the article:

“And it’s no surprise that a generation of women who have been removing pubic hair since they hit puberty are pruning other parts of their vaginas.”

And you thought “pruning” only involved trees.

HOLD ON…….it gets better……….

“Dr. Norman Rowe, a member of the “American Board of Plastic Surgery” and a practicing surgeon in Manhattan, says his younger patients want their pendulous pudenda tightened and tucked for a “more refined” look. And many point to the hyper-stylized ones in Playboy magazine as models of pussy perfection, he says.”

Oops….got the “pussy perfection” thing but he got me on that “pendulous pudenda” thing.

WTF is THAT!. And, do we men really wanna know?

(checking my Funk & Wagnells)

Ok….I think I got it. “Pendulous” is something that hangs and that “pudenda” thingy refers to genital organs of a human being, especially a woman.

Cripes, don’t ya hate it when they use those big freakin’ words. Just come out and say it plainly for us dumb people. Like, having your hanging vagina parts tightened up.


I dreamed I went shopping after having my pendulous pudenda tightened

Now here’s the part I don’t get. It’s not just younger women having this procedure done. Nope. The good doc says that 75 percent of his patients are in their 30’s and 40’s because they want a, “rejuvenated vagina,” to reverse the effects of aging.”


Women wanna spend all kinds of big bucks having their vaginas “rejuvenated” to reverse the effects of aging? WTF.

Ladies! Ladies! Think about this for a sec here. If ya walk into a bar and a guy hits on you do ya think he’s looking at your vagina, which obviously is covered, or your FACE!!!!! It’s not like he’s gonna say to you, “Hey baybeeee, you look pretty hot and I’d ask you out, but first I wanna check out your vagina.”

Cut right to the chase.....my motto

Cut right to the chase…..my motto

I think the “checking out the vagina” part comes a bit later, and, unless you’re having sex under some 1,000 watt light bulb, what guy is gonna stop in the throes of passion and say to you, “OMFG…..what an ugly vagina!”

I personally have never seen a vagina I didn’t like.

Then again, It’s not like I was exploring that area with a damn magnifying glass. As well as preferring to do my exploratory work in the DARK!!!!!!!!

This last quote from the article is yet another one I take issue with: The doc says, “I can’t tell you how many women come to me worried about how they look in the gym.”

WHAT! What the hell kinda gym you goin’ to doc? Vagina exercise class or something? Labia 101? Or, as he so aptly put it, “pendulous pudenda” class?


Now, in defense of this procedure to reduce or tighten up that body part, Ronald Blatt, chief surgeon at the “Manhattan Center for Vaginal Surgery” says that the, “vast majority of women” go under the knife for reasons that aren’t cosmetic. Large labia minora can cause discomfort during sex or other physical activity.”

Which is completely understandable to me.

BUT. For cosmetic purposes? Me thinkith, as a man, it’s not worth spending all that money on.


Because until nudity becomes legalized in all 50 states as the norm and we can all walk around shopping naked or whatever, who gives a rats ass what our genitalia look like.

When THAT happens, then I guess you might have an argument for cosmetic surgery.

In which case I myself might opt for some sort of surgery as well. Providing, of course, that cosmetic surgery for men in the lower extremities is also an option.

So that when nudity is accepted all over the place I can walk into a bar and instead of using that old line, “So baybee, what’s your sign,” I can walk up to a woman and say, “Heyyyyy, nice vagina ya got there.”

And in return, she can return the compliment with, “Ohhhhh, thank you, and did you have surgery too or are you just happy to see me.”

FINALLY….(thank Gawd) ya might wanna keep this in mind if any of you women are considering this type of procedure………………vag4

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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