You all remember that old Rodney Dangerfield line, “I don’t get any respect.” Well, for dogs in Madrid, Spain, they’re finally getting respect.
No more having to poop in places that make people go, yuk. Which has always been a problem for dogs because they never had the amenities that we humans have. Which are bathroom facilities.
I mean, think about it for a minute. What if YOU had to drop your pants and poop or urinate just any old place. Yeah, how’d YOU like to go through life doing that!
No wonder dogs haven’t gotten the full respect they so much deserve.
Well, in Madrid, Spain they’ve finally realized, as that old philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Dogs are people too.”
Apparently this is just an issue with dogs and not cats.
As reported by the website “Springwise.com” dog littering has been a problem in that country for some time. Which basically means that Spain apparently has a lot of dogs that poop.
It’s become such a major problem, dog poop that is, that “Madrid’s Cacas Express,” (nothing similar to a Federal Express) recently took extreme measures to make their point.
Which is, do not leave your dog poop just lying around you idiots.
Sooooo, what do the officials do. Why scoff up any dog poop they find and mail it to the dogs owners.
Which raises the all important question. How exactly do ya determine who a dog’s poop belongs to? Forensic testing I guess. Who TF knows. But I certainly would NOT want THAT job.
Nor would I want to be a mailman delivering dog poop to a dog owner on a hot summer day.
Meanwhile back in the dog poop forensic lab….similar to our CSI Labs…….
“Hey Eduardo, what say you and I take a lunch break and stroll through the park and catch a few rays.”
“Oh geez Julio, I’d really like to go with ya but I’m up to my butt in dog poop today.”
“But Eduardo, getting outta this lab might do ya some good. Besides, it reeks to the high heavens in here….whew!”
“Yeah, I know, and I appreciate your offer, but I’d go to the park with ya, and spot some dog pooping, and it’s like, WTF, I can’t get away from my work.”
Sooooo, what to do?
Well, obviously the best solution to this problem is to provide doggies with a place to poop and pee, other than on grass, sidewalks and in playgrounds.
“Devised by Enric Girona, the machines have been donated to the town of El Vendrell to make it easier for owners to get rid of dog waste. The toilet points feature two separate machines, one for number one’s and one for number two’s.”
Hopefully dogs know the difference between “number ones'” and “number twos” when they use these toilets. As well as carry some loose change to deposit in the slot to enter the toilet. I’m assuming these toilets are not free.
Only because I’m sure Spain authorities have also considered that any self-respecting dog is gonna want toilet paper as well in those units. So, charging dogs to use them would seem logical to me.
How does this toilet actually work you ask?
Well it features a grid to simply drain the urine underground, along with a rinser. The second uses a hole with a lid that dogs squat over to do their business, and owners then press a button to flush the excrement away.
Which means that you have to accompany your dog into the toilet while he or she poops. Something I’d be looking forward to. Not to mention, but I will, how the hell do ya get a dog to squat over a toilet opening?
Girona said that depending on the success of the trial, the machines may go into production and exported to other cities with poo problems.
Sooooo, what do I sense is on the horizon here?
Simple. Ya know when you go to those concerts in the park, or to a state fair, or any other outdoor activity and they have those “Port-A-Potties” all over the place. You know, the ones where hundreds of women are waiting in line while the ones for men never have a line. Yep, the same kinda lines you see at regular public restrooms where the men are standing outside waiting for the women.
Wellllll. Now I see the same thing happening with dogs. Yep, female dogs waiting in line for an empty “Port-A-Pooch Pooper” while there are no male dogs standing outside of the ones for men.
Now we not only have to wait for our spouses to get outta the pooper, but our dogs as well. Damn!!!!.
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