Just to set the tone for today’s weird blog…………
Ok, time to take a break on this Sunday and take a look at two loony toons who made the news this past week. I do this just to enforce my theory that, in comparison to these two idiots, I’m perfectly normal even though I write this stupid blog.
So, if you ever question your own sanity, take a look at these two stories about weird people and you’ll feel a lot better. Might even be able to come off of your anxiety or depression meds.
First on my list today is this guy from Austria who claims that his faith, (he’s a Pastafarian) should be accepted as normal and that he should be allowed to wear a plastic colander on his head.
After all, if you’re a “Pastafarian” you’re obviously into worshiping pasta and, as we all know, instead of halos, Pastafarians most likely believe all of their saints have colanders hovering above their heads. Makes sense to me.
Niko Alm applied to be able to wear the colander in his driver’s license photo on the grounds that the plastic headpiece should be counted as “religious headgear.”
He claims to be a member of the “Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,” although he admits that he’s an atheist.
Now this is perfectly ok with me. I mean, who the hell am I to question anyone’s religion. If ya wanna walk around with a colander on top of your head, go for it.
The only problem I see with this concept is that it opens the door to other religions to do the same. Now you’ve got this guy claiming to be a “Pastafarian” and before ya know it, other similar religions are going to be popping up.
What’s to stop people from claiming they’re “Hamburgerairians” and wearing hamburgers on their heads. Or pervs claiming their “Condomarians” and adorning condoms. Or worse yet, “Antlerairians” sporting a huge rack similar to moose.
Where will it all end?
Personally, not being to happy with the Catholic church these days, I’m thinking that if this guy can get away with claiming he’s a “Pastafarian” and can wear a colander on his head and actually have his driver’s license photo show that, then I’m gonna follow his lead.
Yep, create my own religion.
Seeing that I worship each and every bingo card I play, hoping for the right ball to land and I can yell “BINGO!” ….. I’m forming my own religion called, “Bingonarians.” Thereby allowing me to wear bingo balls on top of my head. Might even consider pushing the ol envelope and going naked claiming that my other balls, (the lower ones) are actually part of my religion, thereby I should be allowed to walk around naked displaying those as well.
Not to mention, but I will, I could possibly perform miracles like the Big Guy did……….
Moving onward………….this next story involves the murder of an innocent watermelon.
How to tell if your spouse is really upset with you and perhaps might be on the verge of stabbing you with a bigggg knife…..or hinting that he might do that by leaving you a subtle hint…..like stabbing a defenseless watermelon.
In Thomaston, Connecticut, which is kinda scary considering this is my home state, a 49 year-old man, Carmine Cervellino, was arrested by the fruit police after stabbing a watermelon.
Apparently he had some sort of disagreement with his wife, threatened her, and to show just how pissed off he was, grabbed a watermelon and stabbed it in a “passive-agressive manor” until seeds were all over the place. Not a pretty sight.
According to the watermelon police assault task force, the guys wife was kinda upset when she discovered marijuana and drugs in his toolbox and proceeded to call the police.
“Hello, police department. I’m calling to report that my no goodnik rotten lazy SOB useless husband, who I love dearly, has some marijuana in his toolbox along with some other drugs..”
“Um, what other drugs does he have in his possession ma’am?”
“Viagra and Cialias”
“Um, sorry ma’am, we’re the watermelon police. Viagra and Cialis possession is NOT a crime, and as far as the marijuana goes, you have to contact the NARC’s.”
“WAIT! Don’t hang up…..he just stabbed a watermelon repeatedly!!!” OMFG!!!”
“Hold on ma’am, we’ll send the watermelon SWAT team right out.”
When police finally arrived on the scene the toolbox was not there so they could not charge the guy with possession of any drugs including the marijuana.
BUT…..as far as assaulting the watermelon…….they nailed him on that and charged him with threatening and disorderly conduct.
Which I assume falls into the assault and watermelon category.
Sooooo, be very careful if you take your frustration out on any fruit or vegetables.
Remember what that old philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Watermelons are people too.”
Feel a bit more normal now do ya.
Oops, time’s a wastin’ folks. It IS a Sunday and I have a lot of things to accomplish today now that I’ve discovered my new-found religion Bingonarian.
Yep, have to get moving painting numbers on my balls and finding a way to affix them to my head. The other set, (lower ones) are already affixed….permanently. Just need painting.
And, strictly out of courtesy, I’m calling my pastor, Father Guido Sarducci, and informing him of my new-found religion. I’m sure he’ll understand completely.
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