Those Hilarious CIA Guys. Always Coming Up With New Ideas.

Ya gotta admit, if you’re going to throw a party and you want to come across as someone who really knows how to throw a great party, you obviously have to invite a bunch of CIA guys.

I’m tellin’ ya, you just can’t go wrong. The stories these guys tell would be the life of any party. AND, on top of that, if they bring some of the things that are displayed at the CIA Museum just  outside of Washington, D. C. you’ll be the talk off the town the next day.

mmmm

Foam rubber?

I came across a presentation by “Yahoo News” about the CIA Museum which featured over 40 photographs of some pretty neat stuff the CIA used over the years to spy on other spies who were spying on us who in turn most likely were using the same stuff to spy on us that we were using to spy on them.

I took a few of these photographs from the Yahoo site of some really neat spy items and posted them in today’s blog. With a few of my own comments regarding the usefulness of some of this stuff.

The first item is what they called “A Drop Dead Spike.” Most likely named after movie producer Spike Lee or stripper Gypsy Rose Lee. Probably Gypsy Rose Lee who the CIA may thought was “drop dead” gorgeous. Or after her “spiked” high heels.

Considering most CIA spies are men, my money's on Gypsy Rose Lee

Considering most CIA spies are men, my money’s on Gypsy Rose Lee

The spike was hollow on the inside so that you could hide secret messages or film in it and then stick it into the ground until some other spy retrieved it.

Unless, there was a circus in town and you inadvertently placed it at the exact place where the circus guys were pitching their tents and when the other spy came to retrieve it, the circus had already packed up and left town.

A "Drop Dead Spike"

A “Drop Dead Spike”

This next one is from an airline the CIA had connections to. Yep, an official handy-dandy Civil Air Transport bag courtesy of the CIA. Don’t ya just love it when you’re flying on a spy plane and they hand out free goodies.

mmmmm

Fighting over free bags….my guess

mmmm

Beats getting a Ralph Lauren Polo bag

Next is a “Tessina Camera” concealed inside of a cigarette pack. And, thanks to the “Freedom of Information Act” we now all know that it’s true. All CIA agents smoked Parliament cigarettes. Which is how enemy spies easily spotted CIA agents because they were smoking Parliaments. I think since then they have changed brands.

mmmmm

Damn! And all I wanted was a smoke!

The golden rule among spies was to NEVER borrow money from one another. Why? Because most of the coins spies carried around with them were fake. Hollowed out coins to conceal secret stuff inside, like an ounce of marijuana, their hookers private number, a condom, and sometimes even secret messages.

mmmm

Hey! Who the f**k stole my condom?

These are called “space suit shoes” but they look suspiciously like shoes Michael Jackson wore, and ya know, there were a lot of rumors as to if Michael Jackson was a secret agent for the CIA…..I rest my case.

mmmm

Um, what was that dance Michael did?

Ever attempt to open a letter without letting anyone know you opened it? Those pesky CIA agents, whose boss was in those days by Maxwell Smart, came up with this idea. It’s a device that allows you to slip in a painful looking pointy thing, wrap it around the letter and roll it up while it’s still inside of the envelope, pull it out, read it, and then slip it back in. Clever devils.

And I suspect, this is how the idea for arthroscopic surgery evolved.

mmmm

Damn! Did I sign that check or not?

This next image is what the CIA calls a “Flaps and Seals Kit” made out of ivory. I don’t EVEN wanna know what they did with this stuff. Do you?

mmmmm

WAIT! WAIT I’ll tell ya anything ya wanna know,  just don’t stick any of those anywhere in any of my body cavities!!!!!!!!!

Not to be outdone by cigarette smoking CIA agents, the guys who smoked pipes in the agency had to have their little spy gizmo as well. A camera concealed within the pipe. See…..reason enough never to have trusted Sherlock Holmes……the sneaky bastard.

mmmmm

Ohhhh Sherlock baybee…….more, more….um…..but do you really need to be smoking that pipe while we’re fooling around? And why do you keep telling me to smile?

Now we’re getting to the really neat stuff. like this dragonfly insectcopter which is kinda like today’s drones. I think the CIA scrapped this item when the enemy developed flying cans of “Raid” which intercepted the insectcopter.

mmmm

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah yes, the ever popular pigeon ploy. The CIA “Pigeon Camera.” This too was scrapped due to the fact that when the pigeon returned to CIA headquarters and they developed the film all they ever got were images of old people sitting on park benches feeding the pigeon.

mmmmm

Coo….Coo…..(snap)

Yep, you guessed it….a CIA robot fish. Obviously used to surreptitiously catch enemy spy devices used by enemy spies who may have taken a day off and were fishing with fishing rods but using sophisticated worms with tiny transmitters inserted in them.

mmmmm

Very effective but still kinda fishy to me

My all time favorite CIA spy device is this one. A dead rat. Yep, a dead rat with its insides hollowed out so that you could hide stuff in it and drop it somewhere so another agent could find it and get the secret message. The CIA’s theory? Who the hell is gonna pay any attention to a dead rat.

mmmmm

I’m tellin’ ya….I don’t get no respect

This idea was also scrapped due to the fact that it was mainly used in New York City which has an overabundance of rats, both dead and alive, and agents couldn’t tell which one was the fake rat with the message inside.

“Hey Ralph……grab that dead rat over there will ya…I think it has a message inside of it for us.”

HEY! F**k you Charlie….I ain’t touchin’ that damn thing!”

And finally, (thank gawd) just to prove to you that those CIA guys really aren’t any much different from the rest of us, they have this item in their museum from the TV program, “The Man From UNCLE.”

mmmmm

The coveted Napoleon Solo award

Which either means they were fans of that TV show. Or that Robert Vaughn, (Napoleon Solo) worked for the CIA and the show was a front for the CIA and they had tiny cameras mounted in our TV sets as we watched that show and monitored us on a daily basis. Sounds logical to me.

Ya just can’t trust anybody.

mmmm

Oops………..

Um, excuse me…hafta go…all this CIA spy stuff is freaking me out.

I thought I just spotted a praying mantis just outside of my patio window staring at me kind of suspiciously. Wouldn’t have paid much attention otherwise, but, as we all know, praying mastitis are supposed to be “praying’ not “staring.” So I’m kinda suspicious.

Can’t trust those CIA bastards.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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