We all worry about identity thieves stealing our identity through various underhanded means. It happens every single day of the week. And sometimes even on Sunday.
Me, hell, I never worry about identity thieves stealing MY identity. Who TF would wanna be me. “I” don’t even wanna be me. In fact, if I were an identity thief I wouldn’t even wanna steal my identity.
I could see if I was rich and famous, then it might be worth it. But, I’m not. So, in essence, nothing worth stealing my identity for. Unless you really want to be me, and be old, broke and have one foot on a banana peel.
However, identity thieves must be getting pretty desperate or are just plain stupid to steal Mickey Mouse’s identity. I mean, come on for cripes sake……Mickey Mouse?
First of all Mickey mouse is 86 years old and most likely living in a rest home in California. Who the hell would want to steal his identity? It’s not like if you steal Mickey’s identity no ones gonna know. How many other mice look like him?
But, stupid is as stupid goes for some identity thieves in Bellevue, Washington. Probably because the air in Washington state is so thin it affected their brains.
And, as the news article reported, “An identity theft ring in Washington was running a real Mickey Mouse operation.”
There was no mention if this also included a “Minnie Mouse” operation.
What happened to uncover this identity theft ring was when Bellevue, Washington police were investigating stolen construction signs, (major crime) and they stumbled upon the identity theft operation.
“Hey captain, take a look at this. Ya won’t believe what I just found.”
“What ya got there Lt. Fritz?”
“Why it’s a fake drivers license for some guy named Mickey Mouse who resides at Disneyland Drive, in Anaheim, California. Along with a lot of other identity cards including Goofy, Minnie Mouse, all of the Seven Dwarfs and get this, one for Cinderella!”
“Cinderella! I think we’ve uncovered a massive ID theft ring here Lt. Everyone knows Cinderella doesn’t drive. She has a damn pumpkin and a mouse is her chauffeur.”
Not only that, but the driver’s license stated that Mickey was born in 1928, is 5 feet, 2 inches tall and weighs 110 pounds. AND….is an organ donor.
Which would immediately signal any smart detective of a possible identity theft ring.
Anyone with any common sense knows that Mickey isn’t that tall, weighs far less than 110 pounds and doesn’t have any organs worth donating. How stupid are those ID forgers.
At least if they had any brains at all they would have made up a bunch of fake ID’s using someone’s identity that would be a bit more believable. Say like a real live character like Pinocchio for instance.
The news release went on to say, “Fake ID cards were found on one of the suspects, and police obtained a warrant for a search, which yielded 39 false ID cards and drivers’ licenses, 67 fraudulent credit cards, 28 various false government ID cards, seven false Social Security cards and several hundred forged checks.”
All belonging to cartoon characters.
Um, no, but that would have been my guess considering they were stupid enough to print out an ID for Mickey Mouse.
Then again, when ya think about this for a sec, if someone had actually bought one of those fake Mickey Mouse ID’s and attempted to use it, how many store clerks would give it a second look? Considering some of the store clerks I run into on a daily basis are usually too busy screwing around with their iPhone or talking on the phone when I make a purchase.
“Ok Mr. Mouse, that’ll be $75.00 for a carton of Marlboro’s, and I see by your ID that you were born in 1928, so you’re good to go. Don’t want no minors buyin’ cigarettes ya know.”
I know, you all think I’m nuts suggesting that don’t you. That EVERY store clerk is definitely gonna check an ID reallll close.
Here’s a wake up call for ya on how close people check things.
Back in 1938 a guy named Edward Mueller, an immigrant from Austria whose real name was Emerich Juettner, lived in an apartment with his dog and was kinda down on his luck.
So, briefly, in order to survive he applied his trade as an engraver, that he thought he was good at, to print one dollar bills in his apartment so that he could buy food for him and his dog.
However, he really wasn’t that good of an engraver.
Now the one dollar bills were so bad there were laughable. One of Washington’s eyes on the bill was a black splotch and the other was almond-shaped. And there were a lot of misspellings on the bill as well.
Soooooo, the Secret Service, those smarty ass guys, noticed these bills right off the bat. Mainly because there were not iPhones or cell phones back in 1938 so they really had to pay attention to things.
What to do?
Well, they alerted all store owners to keep a sharp eye out for counterfeit one dollar bills. And opened a case file called “Mr. 880.”
And, as usual, who TF is gonna check each and every one dollar bill that they get.
A fifty or hundred-dollar bill maybe, but a damn one dollar bill. No way.
It just drove those Secret Service guys outta their ever lovin’ gourds.
UNTIL…..years later, some kids rummaging through trash outside of Mueller’s apartment found engraving plates that had been discarded by him after a fire in his apartment. They alerted the authorities. And that’s how they finally captured Mueller. Years later. (1948)
By that time the guy was so freakin’ old, (72) the judge sentenced him to one year and four months in the slammer. Was fined one dollar, and was paroled after four months.
Wonder if the judge checked out that one dollar bill he was fined to make sure it wasn’t counterfeit.
After his brush with the law, Juettner, (Mueller) went clean. When asked to explain why he was giving up counterfeiting, he said simply, “There isn’t enough money in it.”
My point here is that maybe those ID’s forgers weren’t so stupid after all making Mickey Mouse ID cards. Who in this day and age is gonna really check your ID?
But stealing construction signs. That was their downfall.
Everybody I know always keeps a sharp eye open for construction sign thieves.
Fake Mickey Mouse ID cards and counterfeit one dollar bills……..noooooo problem. Who gives a rats ass.
But construction sign thievery…..OMFG!!!!
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