Every year we viewers have to contend with the television industry giving itself an ol pat on the back for doing such a great job by giving us the annual Emmy Awards presentations. Which is presented to television entertainers who entertain us all year-long.
However, as of yet, there are no Emmys for the number of times TV networks entertain us with reruns.
Now personally I think the television industry patting itself on the back all year-long with numerous awards shows is a crock.
Awards should actually be presented to us viewers for putting up with the garbage TV executives think we actually want to watch. I won’t EVEN get into those reality shows because I, having a life, DO NOT give a rats ass WTF other people’s reality lives are all about.
But I was thinking about those awards shows with the Emmys coming up soon.
What if there was a TV event that gave out awards for other professions other than the entertainment industry. Like normal everyday people such as myself.
What could we call it?
HEY! If Hollywood and the TV industry are gonna pat themselves on the back, why not us slugs too. Can’t be any worse than reality shows. Like Honey Freakin’Boo Boo’s family.
In the category of outstanding service beyond the call of duty, our first award goes to sea-captain Gregory Hanson of Rockport, Maine who invented the donut hole.
One day he was eating blobs of fried dough while piloting his ship in 1847. He impaled the blobs on the handles of the ship’s big steering wheel for easy snack access. Bingo. The idea of the doughnut — dough with a handy hole — was born.
Of course this award would have to be presented to the captain’s current ancestors, with perhaps the presentation being made by the CEO of Dunkin Donuts.
Yes, where would we all be without the donut hole. I’ll tell ya where. Wiping our hands on our pants because there would be no way to hold a donut and dunk it otherwise. But did HE get a damn award. NO!
I went back in time for that one, but think about some of the things we have today that we can’t do without. Shouldn’t there be that “Golden Brass Balls Award” show to honor these people.
For instance, how the hell do ya live without condoms? And how did THAT “come,” (play on words there) to be? Surely this guy should be honored with an award.
So we can thank Gabrielle Fallopius who described a sheath of linen he claimed to have invented to protect men against syphilis. Having been found useful for prevention of infection, it was only later that the usefulness of the condom for the prevention of pregnancy was recognized.
Just the mere fact that a guy named Gabrielle Fallopius invented what was the first condom should have gotten him a damn award. Which most likely is where the term “safe sex” originated from.
Here’s another one I want to see honored on a TV presentation awards show.
A perfectly ordinary guy who went above and beyond the call of duty in his everyday line of work.
“The “Golden Brass Balls Award” for outstanding service above and beyond the call of duty presented to Marvin Finkblossom, an employee of McDonald’s in Toledo, Ohio who realized that the Big Macs they were serving one day were one sesame seed short of the McDonald’s required amount of sesame seeds thereby preventing a lawsuit by irate customers who may have discovered that error.
See, ya just never hear about these everyday heroes.
Now, being a blogger, and having come across totally useless inane blogger awards sites that have no freakin’ clue as to what it takes to consistently write a stupid blog every day, such as, “The Bloggers Choice Awards,” which, presents an annual award of an amount which I believe is around $20 bucks. AND…no damn golden statue or something that ya can put on your mantel. WTF!
So, in conclusion, it’s your choice to watch these “pat ourselves on the back for a good job” awards presentations. I opt to just totally ignore them.
I figure it this way. If “The Bloggers Choice Awards,” The Oscars,” “Emmy’s ,” “People’s Choice Awards,” and the annual ” Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show ” totally ignore me, screw them, I ain’t watching those shows.
I don’t need no stinkin’ pat on the back for a job well done.
Um, I know she’s lying, and I don’t get any award I can mount on my mantel, and I’m not gonna be on TV for a job well done, but, it’s enough for me to make me happy.
Unless……..I actually DO get nominated for writing a great blog. And win.
In that case……screw the sex.
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