Look folks, I know this season the Red Sox, or as I like to refer to them, “The Dead Sox” are not going to go anywhere this year as far as making the playoffs. Might also work out that way for the New York Yankees as well.
Soooo. If you’re smart enough to realize that both teams literally suck, why would you spend money going to a game, and then, sleep through the entire thing?
THEN, because those pesky ESPN cameramen are always searching for people doing stupid stuff in the grandstands, (including those innocent boob shots) wind up having your picture go ballistic everywhere.
Do ya think I’d be doing stuff that would wind up on national TV knowing that at any given moment some producer at ESPN, Fox Sports, the YES Network or NESN is gonna spot me doing something stupid and tell the crew to zoom in on me. NO WAY!
Cripes, I don’t even pick my nose of scratch my balls when I’m attending a game lest I wind up on the World Wide Web looking like a complete dork.
Speaking of, no offense Jerry Remy, but did ya really have to show us that damn tooth ya lost while on the air last week. Gave me and my other have the willies.
BUT….here’s a prime example of why you should go to a baseball game and actually WATCH said game and not zonk out during the game. Because they’re watching your dumb ass.
(the video courtesy of YouTube) http://youtu.be/1FDrcWTSczs
Soooo. If you’re this unnamed guy and then find out ESPN was indeed zooming in on you the next day and they insinuated that you are, “a fatty cow that needs two seats at a time, ” or “is a confused individual that neither understands nor knows anything about the history or the meaning of the rivalry between the Red Sox and the Yankees,” then you might be a bit upset. Ya think?
What to do?
“Hmmm. I gots it. “Ahm gonna sue the bejesus outta them thar ESPN guys for “defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress.” For ten million dollars.
And he claims that he wasn’t actually sleeping, but had a “nap attack.” Yep, a “nap attack,” which we all suffer from when attending any sports event. Which is why, I myself, never go to any football games. Not because I’m afraid of having a “nap attack” but because I dislike football I’d be afraid of having an entire “full night’s nap attack.”
And ya know those damn cameras would zoom in on me and those inconsiderate announcers make all kinds of stupid disparaging remarks.
Like, “Hey, look at the midget snorking in the fifth row with drool running down his chin.” (I tend to drool when I sleep)
Or, “Hey Harry, dig this guy zonked out in row five. He fell asleep with a hot dog in his hand and the way it’s sitting in his lap it looks like his penis is exposed.”
So, ya never know when it’s safe to zone out folks. Then again, if ya can sue the bastards, go for it. Worth a shot.
Now here’s some of the things listed in his lawsuit that he claims were insinuations about him, with a few comments in parenthesis by yours truly:
“Plaintiff is unintelligent and a stupid individual.”
(which I believe would have to be proven in a court of law by administrating a spelling test. Like, “Spell “COW.” “Um, COW. (C-O-W- E I E I O.” Oops.)
“Plaintiff is not worthy to be a fan of the New York Yankees.”
(Soooo, what is worthiness? Oh….I get it. Like if I were to go to a New York Yankees game and wore my Boston Red Sox cap. Then I would not be worthy. Course I’d be beaten to a pulp by irate NY fans, but WTF! I sue the bastards.For $10 million dollars.)
“Plaintiff is a fatty cow that needs two seats at all times and represents a symbol of failure.”
(You’re a failure if you take up two seats? Cripes, if that’s the case you should see the number of failures I see going to concerts and sitting on a damn bus)
“Plaintiff is a confused disgusted and socially bankrupt individual.”
(now obviously the announcers, if they actually said that, are wrong. Totally wrong. There’s no way anyone who is bankrupt can attend a Yankees game and afford to fork out the money they charge for tickets.)
“Plaintiff is a confused individual that neither understands nor knows anything about history and the meaning of the rivalry between the Red Sox and the New York Yankees.”
(Yeah ya damn asswipe. Don’t you know it’s completely sacrilegious to not know about the rivalry between these two teams. WTF is wrong with you! Get a damn life or take a history lesson on baseball. Or move to Chicago and watch the Cubs go through another losing season where if ya fall asleep no one gives a rats ass…..even the cameramen)
“Plaintiff is so stupid that he cannot differentiate between his house and a public place by snoozing throughout the fourth inning of a Yankee game.”
(Gotta cut this guy some slack here folks. Only because when the Red Sox are losing 15 to 0 in the 4th inning I tend to snooze as well)
The man is suing Major League Baseball Advanced Media, ESPN New York, the New York Yankees, and ESPN announcers Dan Shulman and John Kruk, in Bronx County Supreme Court. Possibly maybe even suing that guy sitting next to him eating what appears to be chicken fingers. Possibly for wiping his greasy hands on the guys pants while he was sleeping.
So what’s his complaint other than looking like a complete dork on national TV?
He claims he was shown in a false light, that his reputation was damaged and it’s no one’s business if he was napping.
Point well taken. BUT…..if you’re in a public place doing something stupid with a gazillion cameras everywhere, guess what pal…..you’re gonna be on TV or the Internet. Or, if you’re just a hot looking babe. Deal with it for cripes sake.
On the other hand. Look at this in a different light.
Now that your photo has gone viral you are a prime candidate for your own reality show. I’m sure TLC or someone, considering the amount of quality reality shows they give us, will be extremely interested in offering you a lucrative deal.
Maybe a reality show called, “Sleeping Dorks.” Or, “Sleeping Beauties of New York.” Or, “New York Narcoleptics.” Or, my favorite, “How To Find A Way To Sue Someone For $10 Million Dollars.”
HEY! Ya think I’m crazy!
Honey freakin’ Boo Boo is on TV isn’t she!
I rest my case.
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