Breaking news America. Squirrels, or “a squirrel” has joined the Republican party along with RNC Chairman Flinch Fleabus to….um….WAIT! I think I got his damn name wrong. Um, France Kreepus…no….that’s not it. Um, Prince Preebust….damn! WTF IS his name.
Hold on a sec…………
Oh, sorry, I just looked it up. it’s Reince Priebus. Although I much prefer that first one, Flinch Fleabus. Kinda catchy.
Anyhow, here was the breaking news headline on the Internet:
“GOP introduces giant squirrel to mock Hillary Clinton”
“Another Clinton in the White House is nuts!’ new RNC mascot declares”
Along with this photo, (below) of the giant squirrel approaching a television image of Hillary Clinton, which, I assume, is tuned to the Fox News Channel in the RNC offices. Squirrels only watch Fox News. Which is why, I’m naturally assuming, the RNC chose a squirrel to be their mascot.
Sooooo. The reasoning behind this squirrel, known as “The HRC Squirrel,” is that because squirrels are well-known for collecting nuts, that they are experts in nuts and thereby being experts in nuts, they should be able to recognize the fact that electing Hillary to the White House would be nuts. According, once again, to the RNC and the squirrel.
As the RNC put it, “the “HRC Squirrel” mascot is, “determined to let Americans know that another Clinton in the White House would be nuts.”
And thereby, and again, I’m assuming, we should trust this squirrel because we all know squirrels are experts on nuts………….sometimes.
Which begs the question, where the f**k was that freakin’ squirrel when we put another Bush in the White House?
So much for trusting a squirrel. Which basically means that squirrels are freakin’ nuts themselves.
So far the squirrel has 1,000 followers on Twitter, obviously people who are also nuts, or are into nuts or just think that Reince Priebus is nuts, kind of a toss-up there. I’ll list the Twitter link just in case YOU’RE nuts. It’s @HRCSquirrel.
The squirrels first post: “Find me where the nuts are. Right now that’s the fiction aisle with anyone who believes @HillaryClinton’s spin!”
So far the squirrel, besides being on Twitter, has made appearances at Hillary Clinton’s book signing this past weekend and is also appearing in a video along with Frinch Greebus.
Mr. Gleepus also issued this statement: ” As we continue to expose her failed record and bad choices, Democrats will start to worry whether it was wrong to put all their acorns in one basket for 2016″.
Personally, I take issue with that comment as I myself have put a lot of acorns in the past into one basket and made out quite well. In fact, I still have a lot of acorns left over from last year should Hillary need any. Or, if the HRC Squirrel should come up short collecting his own acorns for the coming Winter. Can’t stock up on acorns for the Winter if you’re out doing political work ya know.
Cletebus also stated that: “I actually doubt very much whether she will run for President in 2016. I know a lot of people around her want her to run. And I think they’re purposely creating this environment (of inevitability) around her.”
Which leads me to believe that the RNC and Cringe Zebrus have another secret weapon besides that squirrel. A crystal ball. Because at this point in time no one knows if Hillary will run or not. If I were a betting man, which I kinda am on occasion, I think I’d lean more towards her running than not.
So, if I had a hundred bucks to bet, which do ya think I bet on. Her running or go with Flinch Seabust and gamble that she won’t run.
Chief mouth and Republican strategist Karl Rove along with Rance Treefus hinted that Hillary suffers from brain damage and that her age may be a factor as well in their campaign strategy. Just like President Ronald Reagan’s age was a problem when he ran for President at age 69. Which we all know was a lot younger than Hillary is now at age 66.
(Can ya tell that Karl, Rinse and I all flunked math)
(NOTE: Dwight Eisenhower was 62 when elected. George H W Bush was 64. Franklin D. Roosevelt suffered from a disability that eventually required him to use a wheelchair. Apparently Karl Rove flunked History class as well)
So what’s the bottom line here as I see it?
The bottom line is that ya have to be scared outta your damn gourd that Hillary may actually run and may actually stand a chance at winning the Presidency if you have to hire a squirrel to make a point.
As I recall with much fondness, during the last campaign, the RNC elected to go with Clint Eastwood talking to a chair in order to make a really strong point as to why Mitt Romney should be President.
As another famous wordsmith, Sarah Palin once said, “How’d that work out for ya?”
A note to Rance and Karl. I personally would have gone with a groundhog.
Well, once a year Punxsutawney Phil makes an appearance and most of the time gets his predictions on how long Winter will last correct. Go with a freakin’ winner guys.
But a damn squirrel!
That’s…..to borrow a line from Cringe Precuss………………….NUTS!
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