Hey…..wanna get analyzed for free? Find out if you’re a nut job or just strange. Maybe even both.
Thanks to tech consultant Alyssa Bereznak and a website in California, “FiveLabs.com” you can have yourself analyzed by what you’ve posted on your Facebook page. And its free.
“Five Labs released a tool on Tuesday that analyzes your language and personal information from Facebook and then spits out a map of the qualities that define who you are according to Alyssa’s story. The image below shows how your profile will appear after they analyze your info using Jennifer Lawrence as an example.
Now we all know that Facebook, along with other sites, sell our personal information to advertisers. So this tool also helps them to determine if you’d be interested in their products.
It’s called “demographics” which is a tool advertisers use to determine who to pitch their products or services to.
For instance, one of those trait categories is “neurotocism,” which you can see at the bottom left of that chart and which Jennifer got a 32% rating on. Whereas I got a 42% rating when I did my profile.
Which I guess means I’m more neurotic than Jennifer…but….not by much. (I had to look up the definition of that big word, “neurotocism” because I didn’t have a freakin’ clue what it meant.)
I mean, I know what a neurotic is, but not what neurotocism was. Which is the study of psychology characterized by anxiety, moodiness, worry, envy and jealousy. None of which I have but the rest of you do.
So I went ahead and did the whole analysis on FiveLabs by allowing them to access my Facebook posts, which it then analyzed, and then told me I should seek out psychiatric help immediately before someone gets hurt.
Um…no, that’s not what they said, but it’s what I expected.
So, here’s what they told me, after looking at my posts on Facebook.
Under “openness,” (transparency) I am 87% open. Which means I am transparent and allow free unrestricted access to knowledge. About myself I guess. Which also means I should be living in a glass house. But, not wanting to be THAT transparent, at least at night, I’d better invest in venetian blinds.
When it came to “extraversion,” (concern of what is outside the self) I scored a 42% rating.
I have no idea what being “concerned outside the self” actually means. Unless it’s paying way too much attention to what the hell other people are doing outside of where I am. Or it could be this:
So if that’s what it means, I’m spending 42% of my time watching other people doing stupid stuff instead of paying attention to what the hell I’m doing. Which obviously explains why I go to the store and come home forgetting some of the things I went to the store to buy.
On “agreeableness,” (sympathetic, cooperative, warm and considerate) I was rated at 27%.
Actually I thought I should have been rated higher but keep in mind FiveLabs based that on my blog posts which I post on FB and they usually have to do with stories in the news. Which are basically disagreeable. So my 27% rating is a bum rap.
HEY! I’m really a nice agreeable, sympathetic, cooperative, warm and considerate guy you damn asswipes.
One of the other big words they use to analyze you is, “conscientiousness,” (through, caring, vigilant, and a desire to do a task well) Which I got a 51% score on. So I guess I’m pretty big on being through and vigilant. Along with wanting to do a task well.
And my other half will vouch for that. The desire and vigilant part that is.
Being an Italian I have a LOT of “desires” and, trust me, I’m VERY “vigilant” at trying to fulfill them. And, I might add, as FiveLabs pointed out, I DO have the “desire” to do my task well. Um….so far, no complaints.
After you’ve allowed FiveLabs to analyze your Facebook posts as I did, which totaled 5,796 posts, with the exception of that one that I deleted that I sent to Lady Ga Ga asking for an autographed naked photo of her, they also summarize you by listing your traits under your name at the top of the screen.
Mine was, inventive, analytical, reserved, secure and efficient.
How the hell advertisers are gonna determine what my damn purchasing habits are from that I haven’t a clue.
Unless marijuana becomes completely legal and they think I’m too laid back and need to get some excitement in my life because that analytic information points to the fact that I may be asleep half the time.
“Hey Ralph, I just looked at this guy Misfit’s profile on FiveLabs and boy is he freakin’ dull. Look at this. He’s inventive, analytical, reserved, secure and efficient. And he writes a damn blog for cripes sake! This guys perfect for our new line of marijuana jelly bean uppers.”
And that’s how FiveLabs helps advertisers determine what your interests are as well as the information other sites pass on to those advertisers.
Soooo, in conclusion, ya might wanna go to the FiveLabs site and try it out yourself just to see how they rate you.
Unless you ARE one of those wacko nut jobs that posts all sorts of inane stupid stuff on your Facebook page.
The only advertisers that are gonna be interested in you are attorneys who figure that at some point you’re gonna piss off someone and get sued. Or worse yet, attacked by another wacko who disagrees with your posts.
Then again, if you are one of those nut jobs, perhaps you might actually attract an advertiser or two.
Like the people who make pepper spray and bullet and tomato proof vests.
(NOTE) I had a bit of difficulty accessing this site and the specific Facebook tool. So you might want to try searching “Five Labs” in your search engine and find the correct site. There are a number of various demographic options they provide.
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