REPOST: The Science Of Boobology

Sometimes when I’m really lazy, which is every day, I like to go back to previous blogs and repost them for various reasons. Such as this one from February 1, 2010.

Back at that time I was studying to become a “boobologist” (correspondence course) but, not having the necessary tools (various boobs) to further my education, I dropped out of class and became a “stoopologist” instead. Which is a diploma in how to write a stupid daily blog.

mmmmmmm

But I always dress this way when I’m writing my blog

But, that said, I think there was a lot of merit to what I wrote back in 2010 regarding “boobology” and why I could have made an excellent “boobologist.

So, in case you missed that one, here it is again. Also, just in case you may have aspirations of becoming a boobologist yourself. If that profession is too embarrassing for you, there’s always an opportunity for you to specialize in cat scans.boobs9

Right now there is no Science of Boobology.  But there should be.  I know, you’re asking yourself, what exactly is Boobology.  Well…..it’s the scientific study of boobs.  Yep.  Boobs.

One could actually go to college and become a certified Boobologist.  I’ve often thought of suggesting this to the “American Medical Association,” however, I haven’t exactly thought of how to present it to them.  Don’t get me wrong here guys and girls.  We are in serious need of  Boobologists.  Perhaps I should present my case.

Every woman in the United States, well, actually the world, should get an annual mammogram.  Just like guys get the ol prostate exam.  Except in the case of a mammogram, you don’t have to bend over and at the same time hope you do not have gas.  (sorry doc)  Yes, I know it’s still uncomfortable for women to have the test, but it “IS” necessary.

mmmmmmm

Ladies….we men feel your pain….just a bit lower

Now most recently, my other half had her annual mammogram.  Everything was normal.  Insurance covered the cost of the test and that was that.  BUT!  Her doctor, the one that scheduled the original test, still made another appointment for her, at his office, to check her boobs a second time.  The cost?  ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS!  ( I spelled out the cost in caps for effect)

Now, ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS for her to walk into his office, get felt up, and then send on her way.  Not even enough time for me, sitting in the waiting room, to finish reading my article on salmon spawning.  (really interesting magazines you find in doctor’s waiting rooms)

ONE HUNDRED FORTY DOLLARS!!!!!!

mmmmm

There are more inexpensive ways however

OK, so here’s my suggestion to the American Medical Association.  Continue scheduling annual mammograms but make it unnecessary for a follow-up at the doctor’s office after the mammograms already prove to be negative.  Instead, employ an off-site site Boobologist, say, like myself.

I know what you’re all thinking.  Oh yeah, this guy wants to be a Boobologist.  What makes him think he can ever pass a Boobologist test?

First of all I know how mammograms work. Simple. The same method that docs use to check out my reflexes. How difficult is THAT!!boobs3

Ok, here are the qualifications to be an official Boobologist.  Of course the AMA may want to tweak up the standards a bit.

First of all, if you’ve been married for over 20 years, subscribe to the AMA’s version of Salmon Magazine,  (I’m assuming that somewhere in the medical profession magazine subscription clause there is a magazine that has centerfolds of salmons) and, if you’re willing to forgo the ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLAR FEE for checking out boobs, you’re in.

OK, OK,…so  you really need an incentive to become a Boobologist, taking under consideration that you’re not getting the ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS.

Considering that my other half  has waived that fee on many occasions when I remind her that I should check her boobs on a weekly basis, perhaps Boobologists should at least receive a token fee.  Say, um,…..$1.40…….um………….per boob check.  Well, there are two, and $1.40 times two is $2.80 which seems somewhat reasonable to me.  I know it’s not much, but think of how rewarding your work will be.

Besides, my own mammogram testing procedure is really inexpensive for me to perform. In fact, you could almost do it yourself.

mmmm

Move more to the center ma’am

My point here is,  (point? um………forget it)

My point here is that why should a woman have to pay ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS for a doctor to recheck her boobs when they’ve already been checked and cleared for takeoff?  Pay “ME” the $2.80 and use the one hundred and forty dollars for your husband’s prostate exam damn it!  You “KNOW” there’s not a doctor on the face of the earth that’s gonna want to check your butt a second time. BUT….$140 IS an incentive for him to do it.

Hmmmmmmmm.  Now there’s another area that needs exploring.

Um………..Nooooooooooooo…..I don’t think I want to volunteer for “THAT” one.

Then you also wouldn’t have to go through those rigorous training excercises at home prior to having a mammogram.boobs4

So basically I see a need for boobologists in the medical community. Kinda like lawyers using legal aides in their offices. It frees up those lawyers to do more important stuff, like watching television and finding some poor bastard who fell into a sink hole or something and then contacting him so that he can sue the bejesus outta groundhogs who may have caused that incident to occur.

So, in the case of becoming a boobologist, obviously the benefit for doctors who perform mammograms, would be to have more free time on their hands, say like, um, to play golf or something, and then leave that tedious boob checking stuff to us certified boobologists.

Obviously my one opportunity to enter the field of boobology has passed. Although I still do dabble in my first chosen profession on occasion when it’s time for my other half to have her yearly mammogram.

And, after she’s had that procedure I always make a nice home-made dessert for her to enjoy.

mmmm

Ummmmmm….soooooo tasty too.

Besides, saving $140 dollars, it’s sure as hell worth it for me to perform that test for her.

AND…….I enjoy giving her that 3 hour examination.

HEY! Ya gotta spend all that time just to be on the safe side ya know!

At least that’s what I tell HER.

In conclusion, I know what all of you women are thinking……………..boobs 6

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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