(DISCLAIMER) MisfitWisdom accepts no responsibility for succumbing to the evils of digging out all of the Monica Lewinsky sordid cartoons that I could get my hands on.
Um…….ah screw it……..yes I do. Thanks “Vanity Fair Magazine” and the entire news media.
So, let’s “get down” to things kiddies.
First of all, for those of you who have no freakin’ clue as to who the f**k Howdy Doody was, I shall enlighten you. Otherwise my headline above will make absolutely no sense to you.
Howdy Doody was a puppet, (strings attached) who was on television from 1947 until 1960. This, waaaaay before television went berserk and decided that reality shows, (no strings attached) were a lot more entertaining than puppets with strings.
Although that’s debatable. The “puppets with strings” part.
Now why did I choose to bring up a puppet with strings. Simple my little children. Because a “puppet with strings” has emerged from the depths of puppet land to once again entertain us all by having a bunch of people pull her strings.
And no, it’s not one of the characters from Howdy Doody, such as “Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring.” Who now resides in a rest home in Encino, California…..I think.
I’m talking about none other than the beautiful and famous (cough) Monica Lewinsky. Whose fifteen minutes of fame was gained from giving a possible five-minute BJ to former President Bill Clinton.
(could’ve been longer than five minutes, but who’s counting)
Apparently fifteen minutes of fame wasn’t enough for Monica. Nor that five or so minutes in a White House broom closet. NOW….yes….NOW she want’s us all to relive those gut wrenching moments, or, jaw wrenching moments, in a new article to appear in “Vanity Fair” magazine.
Which is ironic considering just exactly what “vanity” and how “fair” WAS Monica back then. Ah, but thouist was just an innocent child caught up in the throes of the moment…….which was the throes of offering the Pres. a BJ.
“Soooooo Mr. President, golleeeee I’m sooooooo exited to finally meet you, um, er, wanna go into a closet somewhere and have me give you a BJ?”
So why after ten years is Monica spilling the beans about things? (careful not to get bean juice on that dress Monica)
According to her, “It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress.”
(Cue in Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels)
According to “me,” (1) I thinkith it beith an election year, shady political trolls figured out that THIS was the time to get her to talk and might have influenced her decision to do so. (2) I thinkith she’s still pissed off that she got a lot of flack from giving the Pres. a BJ while he became even more popular. AND, (3) with Hillary leading the pack for a possible political run for the Presidency, perhaps a chance to get even with Bill.
She went on to explain, “I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again. I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.”
Hmmmm. Was it the “deeply” part of the BJ she regrets or that she just regrets everything? Not sure.
Now in this story reported by “CNN’s Political Unit,” (swat team of reporters) Lewinsky maintains that her affair with Clinton was one between two consenting adults.
“Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship. Any “abuse” came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position.”
Which as we all know was discovered by the beautiful and talented (cough) Linda Tripp who, in the name of “Life, Liberty, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Justice” hornswaggled that stained blue dress with the stain on it from Monica and went riding through the streets of Washington yelling out, “BJ!……BJ!……The President got a BJ and I got the evidence!!!!”
Which is when all righteous Congressmen, who never would ever think of allowing any woman to give them a BJ, pounced upon innocent Linda Tripp and said to her, “Show us da dress.” Which she did…..along with a gazillion other people who wanted to see the stained dastardly dress, and from then on it was history.
Which was the impeachment of Bill Clinton for lying about getting a BJ, which, as we all know, saved the United States from whatever it was we all needed to be saved from because Clinton lied about getting a BJ.
However, the BJ impeachment cost Americans around $55 million dollars, which, when ya think about it, could have been spent more wisely by Congress. Like getting every member of Congress their own BJ’s. Just sayin.’
Monica in that interview stated that “the buzz in some circles has been that the Clinton’s must have paid me off; why else would I have refrained from speaking out?” I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth.”
(NOTE) This is the part of the blog where Clinton haters say to themselves, “Yeah right Monica, that’s BS.”
Because, as we all know, those that hate the Clinton’s are ALWAYS correct.
Presently Monica has a line of handbags, (unstained) that she sells and she has appeared in commercials for “Jenny Craig” as well as appearing in a HBO special on the affair and also hosted a reality show on Fox TV.
The reality of which might have been what to do if you get a stain on your dress. Which I would guess the answer would be, use stain remover and never give it to Linda Tripp to wash for you.
According to the article, Monica responded to a report made public in February at which time Hillary Clinton, in a letter to a close friend, called Lewinsky a, “narcissistic loony toon.” Although, I myself have been searching for that cartoon on the “Cartoon Channel” and “Loony Toon” archives and can’t seem to locate it.
Monica says, “If that’s the worst thing she said, I should be so lucky.” (part of her comment)
I agree Monica. I thinkith I’d rather be called a “loony toon” rather than say, a slut, or worse. Not that I’M calling Monica a slut. I think more of a opportunist. Like if you’re with a celebrity and the occasion arises, (or something hard arises) what better way to show your infatuation with that celebrity than offering to service him. Or her…..depending…..if we’re still talking about BJ’s or something else. Works both ways.
So, once again Monica is back in the saddle…oops, sorry, I meant to say, back in the news. The full Vanity fair article, for those of you into Clinton hating and BJ’s, or just like a little titillating reading, will be available in New York and Los Angeles and on the iPhone, iPad, Nook, and Kindle on May 8th. The magazine itself will be on the newsstands on May 13th.
(NOTE) No original Howdy Doody puppets, no Buffalo Bob, Mr. Bluster, Clarabelle, Flub-a-dub, or Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring were EVER involved in any of the sordid BJ activities mentioned in today’s blog.
Although some strings may have been pulled to cover up any such activities.
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