I took a well deserved day off today because I was out in the yard doing “man stuff.” Playing in the dirt, (reseeding) digging big four-foot deep freakin’ hole because my best friend Doc was looking for a wire buried in the ground from a pump that he wanted.
Never did find that wire. But, if anybody is still looking for Jimmy Hoffa, call me.
And then I finished up the day doing electrical work in the yard installing sensor lights to scare off any censors who might attempt to censor this blog.
So, I went back to February 19, 2010 and dug this blog outta the blog heap. Considering I only had three followers back then, me, my other half, and Doc, I thought it was worth reprinting now that I have 10 followers.
News Flash! Because there have been too many instances of celebrities and normal every day people using the “F” word along with “ing” attached it, Congress may be considering banning the use of any foul language.
This all stems from the NBC televised incident at the Olympics. Shaun White, better known as “The Flying Tomato,” was displaying his joy at winning the gold medal, when, in the heat of the moment, his coach said some offensive words which were picked up by NBC microphones and broadcast for the entire world and other nearby planets to hear. ET call home immediately.
I myself, was watching the Olympics when the dastardly offense took place. I immediately washed my mouth out with soap, used Windex on the television screen, and said five Hail Mary’s. I, for one, do not want to go to hell because I heard Shaun’s coach’s comments.
You all know that when I write these daily blogs I would never, ever use f**king language like that. This is the big news story coming out of the Olympics this week folks. Not the amount of gold medals we’ve won. Not Lindsay Vonn’s brilliant gold medal win. BUT!!!! Shaun White’s coach doing what all guys do when their excited and kidding around.
All I can say is that if I were a skiing down a slope at 99 miles an hour, went soaring through the air and landed on my ass, there damn well better not be a microphone within 30 yards of me. Because folks, you’d hear the same stuff coming from my lips that I say when slamming my thumb with a hammer. “Oh golly gee, that hurts.”
Yeah right. Hey NBC, concentrate on the important stuff that “IS” news. WAIT!!! Maybe they actually think that “IS” news. Hmmmm, well, they did, along with every other network, give the White House gate crashers a weeks worth of publicity.
(note to NBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, The Weather Channel, CNN, CNBC, MSNBC. DO NOT……I repeat…..Do Not…..cover any news event with live microphones if it involves a going to a stag party for a celebrity. Unless it is sponsored by the Animal Planet people and they are covering stags in the backwoods of Maine.)
(If you’ve never been to a stag party you won’t understand the above note. If you live in the northern most part of Maine, and you’re single, ugly, live alone and the only love of your life is a big furry creature, please do not be offended at my use of the word “stag.” As long as you’re both happy, that’s all that matters.
OK, Onward to more stupid news.
Charlie Sheen of “Two And A Half Men” may be in jeopardy of losing his stint on that television program due to his recent problems with a felony charge at which time he was accused of assaulting and threatening his wife. Of course we all know that those charges will not stick unless….unless….yep…he used foul language. Because that’s considered to be one of the most serious charges. I guess that means the program will then be called, “One And A Half Men.”
This could get a bit more dicey if Jake ever gets caught doing drugs. Then it will be called, “One Man.” Or, “One Man With A Woman With Big Boobs.” Hmmmm, perhaps there could be a spin-off with Berta the housekeeper. Let’s see…..how about, “One Man And A Crass Housekeeper.”
Wait a minute. Then what role does Charlie’s girlfriend play? NAH. I’m not going to touch that one. Although the thought did cross my mind about touching her….um……never mind.
Time Magazine says that Sarah Palin could very well be the Republican nominee for President in the next election due to her celebrity status. We all know that all you have to do is be a celebrity to run for the Presidency. My money’s on Charlie Sheen. Hey, if being stupid works for Sarah why not for Charlie?
On a more serious note. The last sardine factory based in Prospect Harbor, Maine is closing. Bumble Bee Foods announced that it will be closing the last sardine cannery in America. Thousands of sardines will now be unemployed.
Something fishy about this however. Isn’t the stimulus package supposed to help everyone, including sardines? Wait a minute, I think I’m wrong. I think it was actually Sardi’s restaurant.
On the same note. The Feds announced today the unemployment rate will stay high over the next two years. No surprise to those laid off sardines.
Moving right along……….
Research shows that marijuana can actually alleviate muscle spasms. Not only that folks, but the good news is that a laboratory study showed that rats, yes I said rats, who were given a cannabis-like drug showed reduced activity in their nerve cells that transmit pain. Eureka!!!! A pain-free rat! YES!!!
Not only that, but a pain-free rat that doesn’t get headaches and muscle spasms. What does this all mean? The good news is that obviously we’ll all be pain-free and not suffer from muscle spasms. UM, the bad news is, we’ll all be behind bars for using marijuana and be addicted to large amounts of cheese.
Well, I think I covered just about all there is to cover, with the exception of my ears, just in case someone said something NBC picked up on that started with the F word. I think Shaun actually came close to saying “shit” which I assume is okay because everyone does it at some point. I think Lindsay may have almost said the same word but no one paid attention to it because her interview was so emotional that no one gave a shit if she said shit.
All I can say about all of what I’ve just reported to you is……who gives a shit. (sorry)
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