Ok, let me see if I understand this correctly. The British, (those people who still haven’t gotten over losing a bunch of tea in Boston Harbor many eons ago) are now in a tizzy because some French guy claims Pippa Middleton wore a false bottom at the royal wedding of her sister Kate some three years ago.
Blimey! Which I think is the British equivalent of WTF!
First, let’s take a good hard long look at Pippa’s butt from three years ago:
Maybe we needith to look at this from another butt angle perhaps:
So what’s with this “fake butt” claim anyhow? And who in their right mind would EVEN claim that Pippa had a fake butt….AFTER looking at that photo of her butt, which, seems like a pretty nice butt to me. As butts go that is.
Well, the person making this claim is Stephane Bern who alleges that Pippa’s butt was “artificially enhanced” at the royal wedding. (he obviously does not know how to correctly spell Stephan)
How you artificially enhance a butt, other than stuffing a whoopee cushion up your ass is beyond me. Then, you actually can’t sit down the rest of the day otherwise that fart sound is made by sitting down on the cushion.
Bern, 50, a Knight of the Order of Grimaldi in Monaco, a French Royal Watcher, and a friend of the Euro aristocracy—made the claim as the Duchess of Cambridge’s 30-year-old sister made a trip to the vineyards of Bordeaux.
Which raises the question, why is a “French Royal Watcher” watching A British subject. Shouldn’t he like be watching French Royal subjects or something. Or watches made in France at least.
I don’t know if Bern was there, but considering, as I said earlier, that it’s been three years since the wedding, why TF bring it up, or down, now? (we’re talkin’ butts here) Unless Bern, visiting that vineyard sippith way too much Bordeaux.
The claim is that Pippa wore the fake butt, which we all know are readily available at J.C. Pineee’ Stores in France, so that it would give her derriere (butt) the perfect proportions during the royal wedding. Un proportioned butts are frowned upon in England I guess.
Like for instance if Pippa had tripped over Kate’s wedding gown while holding it Kate may have turned to Pippa and, in a moment of embarrassment said to her, “Damn Pippa, you stepped on my wedding gown you big ass.”
At which point Pippa may have responded, “Geez, I didn’t think you noticed Kate. I got it at J.C. Pinee’ in the fake butt department.”
Bern was quoted as saying, “She had a false ass and trust me, I know a false ass when I see one.”
Um WAIT! Sorry, Read that wrong. What Bern actually said was, “I repeat, she had a false bottom.You take her away from that and she has normal buttocks. It was an optical illusion. She knew there were a billion people watching. It was the moment to show it.”
WHAT! The moment to show what? A fake butt? If a billion people are watching YOU are YOU gonna wear a fake butt? Makes no sense to me.
Cripes, if it was “the moment to show it” show everyone the real thing. GIVE US ROYAL SUBJECTS THE REAL ROYAL BUTT! Which, in my opinion, as an amateur butt observer, I think WAS the real thing.
I mean, damn, Pippa’s so thin as it is, how in the hell could she possibly hide a fake butt?
Furthermore and forsooth, Bern provided no evidence for his extraordinary fake butt allegation.
So, who ya gonna believe? Some French Royal watcher or those photos that show a neat little tiny tight perfectly shaped to die for butt on Pippa? My money’s on Pippa’s butt. As in Coca Cola………it’s the real thing.
Yes, I know. The British still wear those fake girly type wigs on occasion, as they used to during the Revolutionary War, and those were the MEN for cripes sake. THEY most likely were the ones wearing fake butts.
Think about it. Fake hair….fake butts. Gawd knows what else they had that was fake.
So Mr.Bern, I suggest you go back to your French Royal watching and perhaps find some fake butts there as you sniff around………………. looking for fake butts.
OR, perhaps concentrate on spotting fake boobs rather than fake butts. They’re much easier to spot, some of which are partially exposed, unlike butts, and for the most part, come in evenly matched pairs. So, if they really don’t match, you can easily tell if they’re fake or possibly artificially inflated. Which are easier to do than inflating butts.
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