It was very hard for me to decide which of the three comedy shows I listed above, “Mom,” “Brooklyn Nine Nine,” or “The Boston Red Sox,” would be the funniest of the three to watch.
Gawd, I haven’t had so many laughs in my entire life than when I watched that game. And ya gotta hand it to Boston pitcher Felix Doubront. My Gawd, I haven’t seen a pitcher impersonate a pitcher with such humor in my entire life. I was literally rolling on the floor laughing.
Actually I was rolling on the floor laughing at my other half who I discovered really does know a full line of expletives, most of which begin with the letter “F” as she was enjoying the comedy……………of “ERRORS” by the Red Sox in that game.
Now to watch the Sox play what I laughingly refer to as “baseball,” because obviously they are NOT playing baseball, is like watching a Little League game.
Let’s start with pitching. If they actually had any pitching. But, for the sake of argument, lets just say that they do. In their own minds.
Felix Doubront has been absolutely a sinking Titanic this year. BUT, he’s not alone. So has Clay F**kholtz, Jake Peevedoff, John Louseter, and a bunch of unnamed relievers whose only claim to relieving anything is when they go to the bathroom. With the exception of closer Koji Uehara, who’s most likely trying to figure out where the hell all of last years World Series Championship players are.
John Lackey, so far, has been the only close to a “lights out” pitcher this season. BUT, that may be a fluke. Time will tell.
Sooooo what’s the problem with the Sox?
Who the f**k knows.
I’ll tell ya who knows. The other teams that we’re playing. Cause they’ve got our number, which is zero, and they’re gonna take advantage of that unless management wakes up and kicks some player butts. Especially considering Red Sox starters can’t seem to make it past 3 or 4 innings.
Meanwhile, John Henry, Sox CEO, is out blowing bucks on his soccer team, buying the freakin’ Boston Globe, and Gawd knows what else. Do I get the feeling that the Yawkey days are back?
To quote that famous philosopher Sarah Palin, “You Betcha.”
Now you would think that a team that went to the World Series last year and actually somehow miraculously won, would come back this year gangbusters and kick butt. OK…OK…..Jacoby Ellsbury jumped ship, BUT…he’s NOT the entire team for cripes sake. OK…OK….so Shane Victorino was out with an injury as was Will Middlebrooks, BUT…they’re not the entire team either. So WTF is the rest of the teams excuse for not playing baseball?
Again, who the “F” knows?
Um…..(cough) (raising hand) I do! I do!
Get this Boston management….it’s……….now pay attention here……..its…
You’re paying these slacker pitchers gazillions of dollars to do what? My guess would be to …um…..pitch maybe! Just a guess.
And they’re not. So what to do?
Send their sorry ass butts back to the minor league in Pawtucket just as you did with Daniel Nava and let the coach down there teach them how to pitch. Yes, it IS the minor league but are they not playing like Little League players anyhow?
I know what you’re saying to yourselves. “But Misfit, what about the guys who aren’t hitting either?”
Well, you DO have a point there bunky. BUT, if it were me batting and I had some sorry ass pitcher who was giving up 5 or 6 runs in the first inning (Doubront/Lester) would I be all enthused about hitting the ball knowing that I was shoveling s**t against the tide. The “tide” being our starting pitchers.
Once again, ask yourselves why is it that it seems that all the other major league teams have close to lights out 100 watt bulb pitchers while we have 25 watt bulb pitchers?
Again, shades of the Yawkey days.
But ya know what pisses me off more than anything. How the booth announcers, Remy and Orsillo sugar coat things during the game. GUYS! Tell it like it is. There a bunch of asswipes who damn well better get their act together and PLAY BALL!!!!!
Meanwhile on the radio side of things, (WEEI) those guys tell it like it is. So, to Remy and Orsillo I say….GET A PAIR OF BALLS FOR CRIPES SAKES.
Why? Because we here at home watching this “comedy show” are really pissed off at this unproductive team and want YOU guys to relate to us by showing us just how much they suck. Forget Joseph Abboud and his damn ties and suits you insist on talking about during that slaughter of a game on Thursday night.
Cripes….even Abboud said screw you guys wanting my freakin’ scarf and let’s get this game on the road. He knew what the hell was going on while Jerry and Don were like….DUH!
Although I must cut Jerry some slack. He probably called Abboud, who was in the grandstand watching the game, so that he could vent his frustration over the game and stop himself from strangling himself or some player with his earphone cords.
“Hey Joe, this game really sucks big time and I just wanna go down there and beat the livin’ crap outta Doubront, so I’m callin’ ya to get my mind off of the game and ask you about giving your scarf that you’re wearing to Don.”
“Hey, WTF ya callin’ me for during the game you idiot? I’m just as pissed off at Doubront as you are. And Don isn’t gettin’ this scarf until he tells it like it is instead of sugar-coating his performance. In fact, screw you both. I’m gonna listen to the WEEI guys.”
Now I know I sound like a radical Red Sox fan. Know what. I am. Because, to quote another line, “I’M MAD AS HELL AND I AIN’T GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE.”
Which is why I wrote this blog today. If I want comedy, I’ll watch “Mom,” or Brooklyn Nine Nine” or “Fox News.”
Soooooo. Here’s my retaliation Boston Red Sox players. Until you start being a bunch of Little League players and play some actual baseball.
I have 20 Red Sox caps. For every comedy show the Sox put on beginning today, I will symbolically burn one cap per loss if any of your “so-called” pitchers blows a game because they gave it up in the “first two innings”. AND…..I’ll post my arson photos on all my social media sites.
One small step for mankind, one giant step for pissed off Red Sox fans.
The ball, if you can actually find it, is in YOUR court, or “mound” Sox.
I have my matches ready.
(NOTE) Yes…I know the Sox won 8-1 over Toronto last night…but…..waitttttttttttt!!!!!
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