You know how us guys are. Vain. Yep, just a bunch of self-centered slugs.
BUT, I personally never considered myself a vain person. Not even a varicose vein person. Nor self-centered. That may change however after discovering a company in California that makes miniature copies of you. YES! Now you can have an actual mini version of yourself.
WHY! Because. That’s why.
HEY! If women can use the “because” excuse when it comes to justifying their actions or any questions that you ask them an answer for, then it’s gotta be ok for us men to use it too.
So,”because” is why I want and need one of these miniatures. Maybe even three or four of them. One for each room in my house.
However, these little miniature versions of yourself that are made by a company in California using 3-D scan technology are not cheap. One copy of yourself will run you around $79 bucks. And that’s for a 2 inch model. The larger model that you want of yourself will run ya more bucks. So, you have to decide just how vain you are when it comes to forking over that cash.
The company is called, “Artec” and they are located in Palo Alto, California where you can just pop in, get a quick scan of yourself using a Artec-driven, Kinect-based 3D scanner and receive a small accurate color statue of yourself. I’m assuming fully clothed. Unless, I guess, you ask them if they can do a nude one of ya and you can use it when you’re out trolling at night in bars.
“Hey honeee. Wanna see what I got without me gettin’ naked here?”
Cuts out all of the disappointment possibilities if you actually have to get naked back at some babes apartment and, after seeing your naked body, she laughs uncontrollably and bolts for the door. Kinda like cutting out the middle man if you have a mini of yourself in the bar.
Now I know what you’re saying to yourselves because most of you are cheap bastards. “Hey, screw that! I’ll buy my own 3-D scanner, scan myself, and save a few bucks. THEN I can start my own scanning business and make gazillions.”
OH YEAH! Well think again bozo. Those “Kinect-based 3D” scanners run about $80,000. The only option I can think of for you to recoup your money if you were to buy one is to be very innovative.
Not by simply offering scanning services for people who want mini images of themselves, but being creative. Like convincing that house of ill repute to let you set up your scanner in their lobby so that anyone who really wants to remember that hot session they had with a hooker can do so by paying for a mini replica of themselves with said hooker. You know…..memories.
However, there is a cheapo way to go if you really need and want this. Which, obviously all of us vain guys will want.
You can get the 3D scan data that Artec creates for you in its shops, or at home with the free “Shapify” software and port it over to a standard model color consumer grade 3D printer like “MakerBot.” Artec charges $20 for this file and says that what you are paying for is Artec’s real value. Which is that it makes images together into a workable solid model.
So, your choice. Visit Artec in California or try out that software. Which I myself might try. Hey, for $20 bucks to make little miniature clones of myself. What the hell!
OR, if you’re into voodoo, screw that time-consuming process of making voodoo dolls. Might come in handy for putting a spell on your ex-wife, wives, that jerk at work, or even your boss. Providing you can get any of them to pose for a 3D doll image that is.
Me thinkith a new business venture is coming down the pike here folks. 3D voodoo dolls. Pins included. BUT WAIT! Order NOW and we’ll throw in our, “1,000 Voodoo Dolls Spells” manual. Special section on casting voodoo spells using the Artec software.
Strangely enough, considering I mentioned sticking pins into a voodoo doll, the guy who wrote this article for “Yahoo” is Rafe Needleman. Go figure.
Just in case you’re seriously considering making either copies of yourself for some really neat Christmas gifts for all of your friends OR, you actually are into voodoo, here’s the “Artec” site: www.artec3d.com/hardware/primesense
Hmmm. Wonder if these little miniature 3D figures can duplicate you in certain poses. Like for instance, you know those stupid bobble head dolls that you see in a lot of rear car window’s.
It would be pretty neat if you could use that Artec 3D device to make a figure of yourself flipping the bird and THEN stick it in your rear window. Ya think?
Then at least you’ll get some sort of satisfaction when your being tailgated.
As will your family after that guy that’s tailgating you cuts you off, stomps over to your car, pulls you out and beats you to a bloody pulp. Because at least they’ll have that 3D doll to remember what you looked like before you got your ass kicked. Might help out the plastic surgeon you’re gonna need afterwards too.
ME……I’m stickin’ with the ex wives voodoo doll idea.
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