Things That Might Disappear This Year, Besides Me That Is……

mmmmm

Which is why I still get home delivery of my newspaper

You know how it is. Once you get to a certain age, ya just never know if you’re gonna be here much longer. Well, at least for people who are up in years.

BUT….this also applies to other things as well. Things that most of us just assume will be around forever. Like cockroaches. Um, actually cockroaches WILL be around forever.

But, according to the “Business2community,” some things we all love and cherish might be gone by the end of 2014. Cockroaches not being one of them,

So, I took a look at their article entitled, “5 Types Of Businesses That Will Cease To Exist In 2014,” and I immediately went into a state of panic. Most of what they listed is my only reason for being alive. Other than that one #$!&%$# slot machine at my local casino that owes me big time.

mmmmmmmm

Fine pal. I’ll be downloading your ticket in the meantime

So, here’s what they said will most likely bite the dust this year.

“J C Penny” and “ILK.” I have no idea what “ILK” is and I figure if I don’t know what the hell it is then if it disappears in 2014 why should I give a f**k.

However, J C Penny is another story. Now their logic for saying Penny’s will buy the farm is that people are shopping more and more on-line for clothes. And there are virtual fitting rooms too. So why physically go to a store?

WHY! I’ll tell ya way ya dummies. I wanna FEEL what the hell I’m buying. AND…I kinda like getting naked in dressing ro….um……..strike that…..I meant I kinda like trying on clothes in dressing rooms. Some of which are in close proximity to the women’s dressing rooms and…um…er….neverrrrrr mind.

But, you get the point.

Hang in there Penny’s. I’m rootin’ for ya!

mmmmm

Yeah, it was the only time I had some peace and quiet

Um, while I’m busy rootin for ya you might wanna consider giving me a credit line increase. Might just help ya make it into 2015.  Just sayin.’

Next are e-readers, like Amazon’s “Kindle.” Although they did think Amazon’s e-reader may manage to hang in. But its tablets, iPhones and smartphones that will be the primary source for people reading books.

mmmm

And great for hiding secret stuff and extra cash you don’t want your wife to find out about between the pages

Now I personally don’t give a rats ass, or any other part of a rat, if all those e-readers go South. I still like a physical book.

I know, you’re saying to yourselves, “What an idiot. Get with the times bozo.”

OH YEAH! Try and go to a book signing and get THOSE e-reader books signed by the author ya jerks.

And, on top of that, suppose your smart devices get stupid and crash and you lose your downloaded book. HAH! Then what smarty pants. AND…..can ya use your e-reader, iPhone and tablets as door stops? NO! How do ya think I keep my screen door open in the summer. NOT with a damn smart phone! A book! A bigggggggg heavy book.

mmmmmmmmmmm

Moses had tablets! Cripes, bet he had a smart phone too.

Then there’s Hollywood. Yep Hollywood will be a thing of the past according to “Business2.”

Their reasoning is that movie theatre attendance is on the decline for a number of reasons. Like the money it costs to sit your butt down in a movie theater, snacks, gas, and the hassle of actually having to suffer the deprivation of leaving your warm cozy home just to see a movie you can either buy, rent or download.

On top of that, shortly down the pike will be virtual reality almost human movies with characters you will not be able to tell the difference as to if they’re real people or fake ones. Kinda like seeing a hot babe with huge boobs and not knowing if they’re real or fake. BUT…in that last instance, who TF would care. Not any guy alive that I know.

So with virtual reality movies and real life animation characters I can see where movies and Hollywood might part company. Well, at least the movie theater part.

mmmmmmmm

It NEVER says it has a headache

I thinkith Hollywood will adjust to the change and actually survive. Movie theaters will not. Only because, as I said earlier, the cost of going to a movie theater, AND, if virtual reality does take hold, perverts will be able to “take hold” of themselves at home on their virtual reality TV sets, computers, smart phones, tablets, ipads and laps. No more having to wear a heavy overcoat and dark glasses.

Which may cut into J C Penny’s overcoat sales, but, might up their sales of bathrobes.

(make a note of that Pennys)

Next are CD’s and DVD’s. Like, who buys CD’s and DVD’s anymore. Besides me.

Good point. Again, streaming movies along with music downloads just about spell a death sentence for those products. This one I totally agree with them on. So, as a public service, for those of you still owning CD’s and DVD’s, I would personally be happy to free you of all those ancient things and thereby freeing up room in your home so that you can install a 95 inch 3-D HDTV. Just send me your address and I’ll be right over.

mmmmmmmmmmmm

Formerly “The 78 RPM Shoppe,” then “The  45RPM Shoppe,” then “The 8-Track Shoppe,” then “The Cassette Shoppe,” then “The Compact Disc Shoppe,” then the “iPod Shoppe,” and coming soon, “The I Haven’t Got A F**king Clue What’s Next Shoppe.”

Finally are keys. Yes, keys that do all the thing keys do. Which, my guess would be, to unlock things. Because keys will become extinct what with apps and smart devices taking the place of them.

Which also means locksmiths will be gone as well. Which then means that in the movies if a perp is in handcuffs he’d need an app on his smart phone to escape. Same for being handcuffed to a bedpost by that kinky chick you picked up in a bar. Damn, that’ll screw up a lot of great crime story scenes won’t it. Not to mention a few porno flicks as well.

mmmmmmmm

Geez….if it wasn’t for you guys I’d be outta business

 

Everything now for the most part concerning locks, such as the ones for your car, hotel room, and chastity belt can be electronically unlocked. No need for a physical key. Sooooo, basically anybody that hacks your computer passwords that contain your key codes will not only be able to easily break into your house, or steal your car, but also have sex with your wife or girlfriend. Providing you actually do use a chastity belt.

Well, there ya have it. What “Business2” says will be gone by the end of the year.

Doesn’t bother me. Probably not a lot of you either. Ya just learn to adjust to new technology.

Oops

Oops…….

BUT……..take comfort in knowing that, so far, new technology hasn’t replaced one item that brings many a technology deficient person, alone and friendless, many hours of satisfaction knowing that it will survive well beyond 2014. Possibly as long as cockroaches.

The vibrator.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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