Look folks, I freely admit I was NOT the brightest bulb in English class in school. I looked at it this way, if I could talk, and people understood what the hell I was saying, WTF….why did I need to know a bunch of other words my teacher in English class was trying to pump into my brain.
True, I still screw up on certain words and I find it difficult to comprehend the English language when it comes to word pronunciation such as that park out in California, “Yosemite.” Now I personally think it should be pronounced “Yose-mite,” which is the way it looks. NOT the way it’s actually pronounced, which is, “Yo-sem-itty.” WTF is with THAT!
And one more for good measure. Why is the word “polish” the same word used for “Polish” people?
So ya see, none of that stuff makes any sense.
Can ya understand me now? Of course you can. If I said, “Oh, look, there goes a kat.” Would you know if I said cat or kat? So there!
Anyhow, what got me on this kick today was some idiot from “BuzzFeed” who decided that we all needed to know a bunch of words for body parts that perhaps we all were not aware of. WHY? Who TF knows.
Like do I really need to know that the word “canthus” is where the upper and lower eyelids meet? Or the word “rasceta” are the lines inside of your wrist. Or that “purlicue” is the space between your thumb and your finger. Or that “columella nasi” is not an Italian movie star but the space between your nostrils.
NO! When the hell am I EVER gonna use those words.
“Hey Marvin, your nose is runnin’ and it’s all over your columella nasi!”
Or like this word, “morton’s toe,” who ever the hell that guy Morton is. Which means that the 2nd toe on your foot is longer than your big toe. So get a bigger shoe size ya damn dummy.
Yeah, like THAT’S gonna come up in a conversation. Just like “minimus” which is your little toe or finger.
WHAT! Like I can’t simply say ,”Hey, look at my little toe or finger and be on my way?” Rather than saying, “Hey look at my minimus,” and then have to take 15 minutes to explain WTF I mean. I got better things to do.
Here’s another one. “Glabella.” Which, again, sounds like it should be an Italian movie star. Gina Glabella, now starring in, “The Space Between My Eyebrows.” Which is what that word means.
And we all know THAT always comes up in conversations when you’re talking about Sam Watterson……who has no space between his eyebrows. So, ya better remember that word. Just in case you run into Sam and wanna casually mention the fact that you know he has no space between his eyebrows.
“Lanvle” is another one you really need to know. It’s that white crescent shape part on your fingernail. Impress the chicks in a bar with that one why don’t you.
“Hey baybee….wanna see my lanvle?”
“Get lost ya freakin’ sicko.”
Yet another word we all must know is “philtrum.” Which has no relation to Phil Collins playing the drums. It’s that little groove between your nose and the middle of your lips that you’re always worried about.
Why just yesterday I said to my other half, “Hey, I’m worried about my philtrum.”
To which she replied, “Don’t worry honeeee, I borrowed your Phil Collins CD and it’s in the CD player.”
Finally, our last must know word, “natiform.” As in, I dreamed I was walking down the street in my “natiform” bra.
Actually, this one I DO wanna remember, only because there’s a great visual joke with this one. It seems that “natiform” is when you bend you elbow up to your shoulder and a crack forms. Why is this funny. Because it resembles a butt crack. How neat is THAT! Damn! Wish I had know that one in English class.
Think of the fun I could have had doing that stunt. Freaking out all the girls. Then going to detention.
All in all, with the exception of that one last word, I can do without knowing the rest. So, thanks for noting “buzzfeed.”
Yeah, I flunked English but ask me if I give a rats ass. NO!
Why….well, and I’ve used this example before, if you can read this, you’ll understand………..
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Fcuking Azanmig huh?
Which proves that I could have completely cut my English classes and concentrated on more important things.
Like why the f**k Yosemite park isn’t pronounced “Yose-mite”, why Polish and polish are the same, why there’s an “S” in Pslam, why psychiatrist, psychologist and all those other doctors professions start with a “P” instead of an “S” and why wasn’t the person who thought up all those words committed to an insane asylum or at least tarred and feathered.
English class would have been a lot easier for me…..ya think?
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