It’s Only April and Baseball Umpires Are Stressing Me Out!!!!!


Like I said, it’s only April and already I’m pulling my hair out over bad umpire calls.

Um, sorry, correction. It’s only April and if I HAD any hair I’d be pulling it out.

Why? Just in case you haven’t been paying any attention to the new “instant replay” video technology being used in this year’s baseball games. And I use the terms “instant” and “technology” very sparingly.BASEBALL REPLAY

Again, why!


How exactly do you f**k up a disputed call after looking at it on a video replay screen? Well, the answer is obvious isn’t it. The SAME vision impaired umpires who used to make bad calls are the same vision impaired umpires watching those videos. Cept they’re not out on the field, but sitting in some office surrounded by TV sets watching video replays of disputed calls and STILL are able to get it wrong.


Um….hold on…I’ll cue in the ass cam.

Me thinkith this is a time old tradition between umpires and they simply refuse to get all disputed calls right. Otherwise who would the fans get to hate? Yes, it’s a time-honored tradition. Hate the umpires. HEY! Why do ya think they dress in black. Bad guys always wear black. Hence, umpires black outfits.

Now here’s how the system, again, just in case you’re not a baseball fan, or you weren’t paying attention, is supposed to work.


Like I just said….is “supposed to work.”

Player hits ball. Ball travels inconspicuously through the air, (no dispute there) and first, second or third baseman catches ball and attempts to apply tag on approaching enemy of a dastardly nogoodnik player. Noooooo problem….so far.

BUT……as the tag is applied, (such as in the game of “your it”) it appears the baseman either applied the tag correctly or may have missed the approaching player by a pubic hair.

Out comes the manager who, while crying uncontrollably, for effect, begs the umpires to review that play. Umpire hands him a “Do Not Pass Go Yet Card,” along with a handkerchief, and heads over to meet other vision impaired umpires, who gather in a group while two or three of them signal New York vision impaired umpires, who are secluded in an underground basement under the Long Island Railway, and THEY immediately review the disputed call on their “Muntz” television sets.


Um no….but we all called the drivers safe.

This is all supposed to take a few minutes. In comparison to us sitting at home who get to see the disputed call in living HDTV color on a 52 inch screen in 3-D in a matter of a millisecond. (instant replay)

Which, if possible, would allow US to pick up our cell phones, call them in New York, and tell them what the disputed call was long before they even sat their butts down, grab a beer, open a bag of chips, and review the disputed call.

Keep in mind they ARE visually impaired so actually we’d be helping them.


Trust the dog. Trust the dog.

So, do they get it right? NO! Do WE, watching at home get it right? YES!

Which begs the question: WTF is the problem here Houston?

As I see it, the problem is that I sense an umpire conspiracy. Yep, they want the present new system to fail. They want to be the ultimate GODS when it comes to disputed plays and not those guys sitting in New York. Because it’s just not the same.

WHY you ask?

Because umpires live for being the bad guys during a game. Do ya think they want some guys in New York getting all the boos and hissing and that adrenaline rush. Of course not.

Any self-respecting umpire lives for those boos and hissings. RIGHT THERE OUT ON THE PLAYING FIELD. Why the hell do ya think they become umpires in the first place. Because there a bunch of jovial fun type guys? NO!


Guess THAT explains why they’re not a bunch of jovial guys

I’ll bet ya most of them were Internet Trolls or bullies in school and just live to hear those boos and hisses. It’s their life blood. NOW….NOW…’s all been taken away from them. All that hatred directed at umpires you never get to see. No fun it that!

So I can see why making bad calls and having those idiots making the final call in New York is not sitting well with umpires out there on the playing field.

What to do?

Sabotage the system. Makes sense to me. Get their glory days of deciding those disputed calls back to actual on site umpires. I mean, look what they’re missing out on. Then tell me if you were an umpire if YOU wouldn’t want it back the way it was. Umpires making the calls on the field.


Perhaps giving umpires everyday objects they are familiar with, seeing that they can’t see a baseball, might help

Here’s how it used to be.

Disputed call. Umpires stop the game. Head to the clubhouse.

“Geez Joe, glad that call was disputed.”

“Why’s that Angel?”

“I wuz standin’ out there when that play was made thinkin’ to myself, boy what I would give for a “Klondike” bar right now.”

“Oh yeahhhhhhhhh. Me too. Great idea. What say we grab one at the concession stand before we watch that video of the play.”

“Great idea. Um, what was that disputed play anyhow?”

“Beats me…but WTF, we won’t have a lot of time to watch that video and get our “Klondike” bars, so what say you and I flip a coin after we get our “Klondike” bars and you take one team and I’ll take the other and whoever wins the call, that’ll be our final decision.”

“Sounds like a winning plan to me.”


AND a “Klondike” bar too!

Which explains why it always took so long when disputed calls were made by umpires at any game. And why they all hate that current system of umpires in New York now resolving the issue. Either way, both systems suck big time.

So I say, considering they’ve already blown three disputed calls watching video replays, scrap the umpires in New York, go back to umpires on the field making the final calls, which also means we get to see more manager/umpire fights, which are always entertaining, and also have a “Klondike” ice cream concession stand in the immediate area of the dugouts for umpires. And their seeing eye dogs.ump4

OR…..considering either way it takes umpires 10 to 12 minutes to decide WTF went on during a disputed play and it takes us at home a millisecond watching a replay, let US at home be the umpires by voting our decision on those disputed calls on our iPhones or by texting our decision.

How simple is THAT!


That won’t work.

I base this on the fact that, as a Red Sox fan, if a disputed call took place between the Yankees and the Red Sox and it was a Red Sox error, I’d lie and still say it was a Yankee error. As would any other person with their favorite team. Damn!

Geez. Is there no solution to this dilemma?

Other than have umpires and their seeing eye dogs continue to do what they’ve been doing since 1876.

Which is screwing up calls during a  game.




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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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