Soooooo Baybeeee, What’s Your Sign?

mmmmmm

Obviously this guy is rushing things

Yes, the oldest pick up line in the world, “What’s Your Sign.”  And, usually when I myself used that line on any woman I attempted to pick up, the response to my question was, “The Bird.” Which, when ya think about it IS a sign, but not the one most guys expect when hitting on some babe.

However, even though THAT particular hit line is way outdated, unless you’re living in a rest home, over the age of 80, and wanna hit on some chick in a wheelchair, then I guess it’s still ok to use. Providing they can remember what the hell their sign is….or anything else for that matter.

mmmmm

No chance of rejection here

But, “match.com,” (not a site for arsonists) and reporter Dave Singleton, who may or may not be single, has written an article entitled, “Six Easy, Effective Pick-Up Lines That Work.”

“Whats Your Sign” was NOT one of them.

mmmmm

It’s the economy stupid

So, I’ll list the “effective pick-up lines” that Dave says actually work, but, if they don’t, send HIM nasty letters and not me. Do not kill the messenger…which would be me.

Effective pick-up line number one according to Dave. “Would you hold this while I go for a walk.”

Apparently this breaks the ice when you’re looking for a conversation starter. Unless, you’re a damn pervert and pointing to your Woody.

But according to Kimberly Dawn Neuman, (NEUMANNNNNNNN) a dating relationship coach, she says, “It’ sweet. It’s clever. It takes a minute to register and then when it does, the door is open for conversation. You can literally walk away with the person of your dreams if he or she takes the bait.”

Problem, as I see it, ya gotta have something to give her to hold, as in, “hold this while I go for a walk.” And again, if it’s your Johnson you’re interested in her holding, her response most likely will be, “F**K off ya damn pervert!”

I suggest bringing your cat with you to the next bar or lounge. Then ask any woman you want to hit on to then hold your cat, and SHAZAM! what woman is gonna refuse holding your cuddly little pussy cat. Next thing ya know…SCOREEEEEEEEE!

mmmm

Ba-da-boom-ba-da bing!

Effective pick-up line number two: “Hey I’m (introduce yourself) Can I take you out sometime?”

In which case you may get a similar response like, “Hey I’m (introduce herself)….f**k off you damn jerk!”  Which would then be your clue to exit right stage left.

Effective pick-up line number three: “I really like your (comment on anything interesting the person you wish to meet is holding, wearing, reading, etc.”)

Kimberly says that “people respond well to compliments. The reason this line works is because it doesn’t come across as a line at all. You utter it to make the another person feel good, but the likely result will be that you both engage in conversation.”

Unless you’re, again, a real idiot and you’re out to nail anything that walks and breathes. Like if you walk up to a woman and say, “”I really like your heaving throbbing cleavage.”

That would be a sure sign that you didn’t read this article, or Kimberly’s, and have no clue as to how to diplomatically approach any woman. In which case you will once again receive that response of, “F**K off you asswipe and get lost before I call security.”

Well,

Well, at least if ya wanna get your date drunk all ya have to do is pour beer on your hand…….just sayin.’

Effective pick-up line number four: “This party really surprised me with the (food, wine, view, entertainment….pick something.”)

“Simply make an interesting or amusing comment about your surroundings. It implies a openness and confidence. The key is not to over think it, but do definitely try to keep it positive.”

“Heyyyyy, how are sweetie. Haven’t see you here before. Nice party isn’t it. Cept for the bathroom, which I just came from after I had to really take a crap. I’m tellin’ ya, some people just do not know how to stack extra toilet paper rolls in their bathrooms just in case you’re down to that last square. Fortunately there were a few extra hand towels lying around. Sooooo, whaddya think about the food anyhow?”

mmmmm

Tip: Always wear an appropriate outfit

Effective pick-up line number five: “You look like trouble.”

Apparently this is to show that you have a sense of humor and it has to be said “in an easygoing manner and delivered with a genuine smile. A little teasing can go a long way, and nothing gets the flirtatious  juices flowing faster than a little challenge. Just be sure to err on the side of sounding playful and not mean-spirited, regardless of you or your potential love interest’s gender.”

“Hi baybeeee. Geez, you sure as hell look like trouble what with that “f**k off or die tattoo on your right boob, those skull and crossbone earrings, spiked hair, and stiletto heels. Really turns me on. I like a woman who’s not afraid to show her true identity and make a statement. What say you and I go over to my place and get it on honey? What’s your name anyhow sweetie.

“Um, Bruno……and you’re kinda cute too.”

mmmmm

Nooo problem….I just  broke up with my last date, Bruno

And the last effective pick up line that was listed and seems to be the favorite of the writer, “Hi.” (followed by a friendly smile) Providing you have a really good dentist or a great set of dentures.

Dr. Ish Major, a dating expert and author, says that “this is the best pick-up line ever invented. It’s quick, clean, neat, unassuming, non-intrusive, friendly and pleasant. It gets the other person to notice you and signals your interest at the same time.”

But to me, even though the good doc thinks that “HI” is the best line, does that mean that every time you say “HI” to someone you could be committed to asking them out? Kinda shaky ground there doc.

If I go out and say HI to my garbage collector I DO NOT wanna be in a situation where all of a sudden he’s hitting on me. Same for my postal carrier. Damn! That could be a problem wherever I go. Say “HI” to anyone and the next thing you know you’re in a relationship.

I guess you just have to use common sense, watch what you say or do, and play it by ear.

Otherwise you’ll wind up like me, married and divorced twice.

The first time because I spoke to a woman and said, “Hi, nice set of boobs.” And she said she’d turn my butt in to the pervert squad if I didn’t marry her. And here I thought I was just paying her a compliment.

The second time all I said was, “Hi, wanna jump in the sack with me?” And she too said she’d turn me into the pervert squad if I didn’t marry her.

I don’t get it? Do ya think it was that word “HI?”

Finally,

Finally, the ultimate pick-up line…..if you’re a toaster

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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