No, there actually isn’t a Misfit News Network, but there should be as far as I’m concerned. If only to have some news about other things other than that missing Malaysian airline. AT LEAST UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY FIND IT! if….they EVER get to where it is they’re supposed to get to in less than two months. It does seem that way doesn’t it.
Not that I don’t have any compassion for the relatives of that missing plane, but geez, day in and day out it’s the same old same old. IF YA DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NEW TO REPORT….GIVE IT A FREAKIN’ BREAK FOR CRIPES SAKE!!!!
So, I thought perhaps some of you, who were actually fixated on that plane story, or are in a hypnotic state, may have missed a lot of other breaking stories.
So today I’ve formed the “Misfit Wisdom News Network,” which consists of my entire staff, (me) to bring you up to date on what other news stories of great importance you may have missed.
“New Jersey voters see Christie’s internal bridge review as ‘whitewash’: poll”
As Gomer Pyle used to say: “Suuuuurprise, Suuuuuprise!!! Or to put it in simpler terms, DUH!
New jersey voters don’t believe that Governor Chris Christie is completely innocent in the “Bridgegate” scandal? Go figure. I mean he DID hire a commission to investigate himself and they cleared him of any wrong doing.
Cripes, if any of us were accused of doing something wrong wouldn’t WE “hire” our “own” commission to investigate us? Makes sense to me.
“Misfit, did you or did you not commit that crime?”
“Well yer honor. I hired a commission to investigate me, big bucks I might add, and after I paid them to investigate me, when they were done investigating me, they determined that I was completely innocent of any wrongdoing.”
“So you’re saying that you paid them to investigate you and they found you innocent of any wrongdoing?”
“Yep……case closed. I’m innocent..”
“OK….I believe you and “your” commission. Not guilty. Oh, by the way, Martha says why don’t you come over to the house tonight for supper. Says she really misses her brother.”
“Kerry ‘betrayed and surprised’ by McCain”
Shocked I tell ya. Shocked.
Totally shocked that John McCain would betray John Kerry. I didn’t even know they were dating. But, as we all know, it happens in a lot of intimate relationships. Walk in the room and catch someone you care about cheating on you then calling you a bunch of names, obviously you too would be surprised.
“Rolling Stone flubs Constitution tattoo on cover”
OMG! Rolling Stone Magazine screwed up the Constitution!!!! How the hell did they do that? It was already written, printed and distributed to all of the states eons ago. I don’t get it.
Oh WAIT! Sorry. Got that wrong. What they screwed up was the Constitution on the back of actress Louis-Julia Dreyfus, who appears on their cover in the nude with part of the Constitution tattooed on her back.
It seems Rolling Stone never paid any attention to who signed the Constitution and has John Hancock’s signature on her back. BUT….ol John didn’t sign the Constitution. He signed the Declaration of Independence.
Easy mistake. Declaration of Independence, Constitution, signature on a lease, all the same to me. Who gives a rats ass. Besides, all anyone’s gonna care about is seeing Julia naked. Get over it.
“New findings suggest ‘Gospel of Jesus’s Wife’ isn’t a modern forgery”
A quote from this headline from “Yahoooooo.”
“The fragment, which contains the words, “Jesus said to them, my wife,” first came to light several years ago. Harvard University Divinity Professor Karen L. King, who announced the fragment’s existence at a conference in 2012, was quick to point out that the fragment does not prove that Jesus had a wife.”
YES! It is NOT a forgery. It’s the real McCoy….or McJesus. And Karen, who obviously was there, should know what that means. It means, according to Karen, that it, as she said, “does not prove that Jesus had a wife.”
What that probably means is that Jesus was in a conversation with someone in some sort of Jesus meeting that he called and it might have gone something like this:
“My wife, if I actually had a wife, which I do not, but, for the record, I thought I’d say that because that guy over there taking notes on papyrus has a sense of humor and thought I should say that just for laughs, has suggested that we have some sort of last supper get together and that the menu should be catered considering we have an awful lot to discuss.”
So, it seems to me Karen may be correct in her assumption that Jesus probably wasn’t married and that he just said that to get a laugh. Softens up those stuffy Apostles with a one liner. You know how we all get into the mood when before sitting down to eat and ol uncle George cracks a few jokes.
“For Obama, frustration in comparisons to LBJ”
The quote from the “AP.”
“Obama’s advisers bristle at the suggestion that the current commander-in-chief could break through congressional gridlock if only he could emulate Johnson’s hands-on approach to wrangling votes on Capitol Hill.”
Yes, I totally agree. LBJ did have a “hands-on” approach to things. And President Obama should be just like the former President to get things done and break up that gridlock. Just like LBJ did. When he went to the bathroom to take a good crap. Yep, left the door open and conducted business while he was taking a good dump. With other politicians in the bathroom or just outside the open door.
Like I always say. Nothing’s gonna get done quicker than having the President of the United States argue a point with you as you’re standing there while he’s taking a crap after eating a bean burrito sandwich and a few tacos. Let a whiff of all that get into your nostrils and damn, you’re gonna agree with anything the President proposes just to get the hell outta there.
And finally, thank Gawd, only because you’re probably all bent outta shape at all this earth shattering news and I’ve totally ruined your day…..this last blockbuster of a story:
“California city declares Sriracha maker a nuisance”
You won’t find too many states trying to clamp down on businesses these days. Not with all of this “creating jobs” stuff as a political football. Yet California is on the case of a company called “Huy Fong Foods,” and I’m NOT “foo-ling-yu,” because this is a huge issue for Californians living in Irwindale.
Sriracha is the brand name of a hot sauce and residents are complaining that the fumes from the factory that makes the hot sauce, which comes from grinding up red-hot chili peppers, (the chili peppers and not that old rock and roll group “The Chili Peppers”) is stinging their eyes and giving them coughing fits.
The company has hired an attorney, John Tate, who issued this comment with regard to the city issuing a public nuisance declaration: “The city is flexing its muscles and thumbing “Huy Fong” in the eye.” Probably using a chopstick.
Which “Huy Fong” in return should thumb back the city with a red-hot chili pepper. That’ll show them chili pepper hating bastards.
Considering the company has over 200 employees and took in about 85 million peppers….um, sorry, that should read, taken in 85 million dollars in revenue last year and, I’m sure, pays a great deal of taxes to that town, me thinkith a resolution will be in the works verrrrry soon.
Maybe free chili masks with the company logo on it for everyone in Irwindale.
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