What I Learnt in Schhol. Spelling Wasn’t One of Them

mmmmm

Except eat broccoli

I absolutely hated school when I was a kid. Seemed totally a waste of time. Which most likely explains why I wasted my entire life doing weird jobs and wound up writing this stupid blog for nothing while all of the other kids who paid attention in school are driving expensive SUV’s and I’m driving a 99 Dodge Ram 500 & 1/2.

(I can’t afford the 1500 model so I had bargain for a cheap 500 one, plus that 1/2)

Being

Being short in school didn’t help either

The reason I’m writing about school days today is that I had Sheldon Adelson on my brain this morning. You know, that millionaire that owns all kinds of casinos and donates millions of dollars to political candidates. MILLIONS!!!!

I can’t even get a freakin $5.00 donation to this blog and Adelson donates MILLIONS! WTF!

Adelson

Adelson

So, I reflected on how HE amassed his millions and I wound up a poor blog writer. I don’t think it had anything to do with him going to school however. In fact, he may have been just as much of a slug in school as I was. It’s just that he had more brains than I did. And an uncle who loaned him a few bucks.

Unlike myself who had to loan my uncle a few bucks. To get outta jail.

Adelson, who is 80 years-old, began his path to becoming a millionaire by taking that $200 bucks his uncle gave him and buying a license to sell newspapers at age 12.

Myself, at age 12, I was also selling newspapers. So, we were both on the same track.

Sooo

Sooooo Sheldon my boy. I gave ya the two hundred bucks. NOW can I tell ya that joke about the Italian, Greek and Jew who walk into a casino and…..

At 16 he started a candy vending business. YES…at age 16!

Me, I was eating candy at 16 and couldn’t afford to start a candy vending business let alone even afford to buy a damn candy bar. Who the “F” has enough money to start a candy vending business at the age of 16? Other than Adelson.

Adelson's

Adelson’s first vending machine which netted him millions

While Adelson eventually went to trade school, (where ya trade things I guess) I was in regular school. He then went on to become a court reporter while I went on to be reported on for being in court. (traffic violation stuff)

He then went into the Army, as I did, then later ventured into the toiletry business by selling toiletry kits. Toilet paper and wipies I guess. Um, maybe not, I think they mean stuff like after shave and things.

One of the less successful kits Adelson sold

One of the less successful kits Adelson sold

Then Adelson hit on the idea of selling a product called, “De-Ice-It” which was used to de-ice windshields. While I myself was scraping ice off of my windshield with a freakin’ scraper. Do ya think I might have thought of that idea and become a millionaire? NO!

Eventually Adelson went on to start a charter bus business and eventually owned 50 other businesses. And, at some point became a gazillionaire. While I became a two and three dollaraire. Which is where I am today.

And today Adelson even owns a few casinos which is amassing him more gazillions of dollars.

MMMM

Along with amassing his own fan club groupies

Now was my lack of success and Sheldon’s obvious success due to our attitude with regard to going to school? I thinkith not.

Because I too did have a lot of great ideas, just didn’t have an uncle that could have spotted me $200 to get on board with my ideas so that I could become a gazillionaire.

Like when I was 12, like Adelson, and also sold newspapers. My idea was to sell “Playboy Magazines” as an extra added incentive. “Buy a newspaper from me and for a dollar more get a Playboy Magazine.” Problem is I couldn’t afford the outlay for the stinkin’ magazines.

Even

Even though I got my uncle Nunzio to help me I still couldn’t sell a lot of papers

Then when Adelson had the idea to start a candy vending business, so did I. BUT, having a severe sweet tooth, I ate all of the candy myself. Along with Sally Grosnick who told me she’d let me cop a feel if I gave her any candy. Do you have any idea how many candy bars it cost to cop a few feels. Damn!

I could never afford to go to college as Adelson did, or to a trade school, unless you count trading baseball cards in school as credit for going to trading school. Nor could I come up with enough cash to sell toiletry kits. Cripes, it was all I could do to afford buying a bottle of “Aqua-Velva” after shave lotion.

So consequently while Adelson was on the right track to becoming a gazillionaire, I was on the wrong track and became a disc jockey. Then a taxi driver. Then a disc jockey. Then a taxi driver. Then a disc jockey, then a…well, you see where I’m going with this.

Unfortunately

Unfortunately, that one time I helped out some really good tippers, my taxi career ended

And it didn’t get any better. Adelson amassing a fortune, and me amassing absolutely nothing, but bills. How the hell was I ever gonna influence anybody like Adelson does if I couldn’t amass a fortune.

I mean, it’s not like I didn’t try. I thought of a new drink and called it “6-Up” until some idiot beat me to the punch and named it “7-up.” I also thought of publishing my own nudie magazine before Hefner thought of “Playboy” but couldn’t get any girls to pose naked for me. And the one girl that I did convince to pose naked I married and obviously did not want to have HER in my magazine. So much for that idea.

So, unlike Adelson who now wields all sorts of power by dishing out money to political candidates, I wield absolutely no power, with the exception of what it costs me to get power from my utility company. Which I have to PAY THEM for.

Which leads me to believe that I should have paid more attention in school, or, not have married my girlfriend when she posed naked for me and instead should have made copies of those photos, attached them to my newspapers while I was selling them on the street corner, amassed a fortune, and gone on to eventually become a gazillionaire like Adelson.

Instead of writing this useless daily blog and amassing nothing.

Hey Sheldon……how about kicking a few bucks my way.

Not because I agree with your political views or support your choice of candidates, but because……………………..

As the Geico gecko one said……………..”Someone help me I have a flat tire!!!!!!”geico1

In my case, (imagining me as the Geico gecko)

“Someone help me, I never paid attention is school and I’m pooooooor!!!!!!!!!!”

Hey, worth a shot.

Um….do ya think I should hold my breath until I’m green? Like the gecko.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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