Hey! I’m always ready to chip in and help Alaskans. Especially if they wanna secede from the United States. Hell, they’re not even attached to us in the first place, and as far as I’m concerned they should be their own country. Or maybe a part of Russia.
Weren’t they once a part of Russia. OMG! If Putin finds this out Russian troops will be amassing on the borders of Alaska too. Well, um, maybe not on the borders as Alaska’s borders consist of the North Pacific Ocean, the Bering Sea, the Chukchi Sea, the Arctic Ocean and Canada. Unless Russians amass in boats and convince Canadians to amass on their side in support of them.
YES! Alaska was once under Russian control. Which makes sense considering that Sarah Palin said she could see Russia from her back porch. If it was THAT close, then in actuality it should be part of Russia. Ya think?
I mean if ya had to go out for a loaf of bread and you wanted a loaf of U.S. bread you’d have to drive across half of Canada to get to the U.S. just to get a fresh loaf of bread.
In contrast to simply rowing across the Chucki or Bering Seas, stopping off at a Russian Cumberlandski Farm store, getting that loaf of bread, and be back home in less than 20 minutes. Given a few hours rowing time.
I know. You think I’m stupid for suggesting that Alaska be returned to Russia. Or that they should consider seceding.
Well consider this smart ass. So far 30 thousand, as in people, have signed a petition to turn over Alaska to Russia. So there! Yep, 30 thousand and counting.
Titled “Alaska back to Russia.” it reads:
“Groups Siberian Russians crossed the Isthmus (now the Bering Strait) 16-10 thousand years ago.“Russian began to settle on the Arctic coast, Aleuts inhabited the Aleutian Archipelago.
“First visited Alaska August 21, 1732, members of the team boat “St. Gabriel »under the surveyor Gvozdev and assistant navigator I. Fedorov during the expedition Shestakov and DI Pavlutski 1729-1735 years
“Vote for secession of Alaska from the United States and joining Russia”
Alaska was purchased from Russia as a U.S. territory in 1867, which all of us remember quite vividly, by then Secretary of State William Seward for 7 point 2 million dollars. Which I think he put on his Visa or MasterCard.
In January of 1959 if was officially declared the 49th state.
Now I’ve researched this entire petition with regard to finding out why Alaskans want to secede from the U.S. So far I haven’t discovered the reason. Other than my assumption that Cumberlandski Farms is a lot closer to get to than the one in Washington State.
Or that Sarah Palin has just had it with Obama’s stance on Crimea, thinks he’s a panty waist for not sending millions of troops into the Ukraine to kick Putin’s butt, and is quite upset that Obama didn’t show force by at least riding a horse bare-chested just to show Putin up.
Now it takes over one hundred thousand signatures for the U.S. government to actually respond to a petition in a month’s time. And they can either act on it or simply say, “WTF, a hundred thousand idiots signed this petition which we should not act on because one hundred thousand idiots is only a drop in the ol bucket.”
BUT. What if they actually got 200 or 300 thousand signatures? Then what?
I say, in honor of Sarah Palin, and all Alaskans, we all band together and sign this petition to allow Alaska to secede from the U.S. If only so that Sarah can not only say, “I can see Russia from my back porch, but possibly say, “Russia IS my back porch. Can’t hurt.
Then there might actually be the possibility of seeing Sarah strike up a relationship with Vlad and go horseback riding with him. Bare chested.
Which, to me, would certainly be a “perk”.
To see a photo of Sarah Palin riding bare-chested on a horse like Vladimir Putin.
HEY! What better reason to sign that petition to allow Alaska to become part of Russia.
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