How Smart is It To Own and Drive A “Smart Car?”


“Look Ma….no hands”  (shortly before the crash)

I have no objections to cars being smarter than I am. The less thinking I have to do, the better. I always said the reason I flunked most of my classes in High School was because I knew at some point using my brain would be obsolete some day, so why waste it in school. And I was right.

Besides, I knew I wanted to be a disc jockey. So how much brains does that take.

And in today’s technological world I don’t have to do any thinking for myself at all. Things do it for me. From computers to televisions to GPS systems, calculators, and even home appliances. So, why use up my brain on stuff that I don’t need it to remember.


Salesman attempting to sell a redneck a bluetooth for his smart horse

And now all this technology has been expanded to cars. Like the “Smart Car.” It’s so freakin’ smart I’m beginning to wonder why I even have to drive it. Why doesn’t it just go out and do what I tell it to do. You know, like gassing itself up, putting air in its own tires and possibly having some sort of function to flip other drivers off.

But my complaint here is some of the sizes of these Smart Cars. Some of them are so small that if you were to fart in one….well…..smartcvar2

Exactly my point. Along with what would be the reaction to anyone riding in the car with you. Like maybe throwing your smelly butt outta the car.

Yes, I know there are a lot of advantages to owning a Smart Car. Like always being able to find a parking space that bigger cars can’t get into. And beating that old lady to a parking space because you’re much smaller while she’s driving a Cadillac Escalade.


Truly a SMART car

However, considering the Cadillac Escalade is much larger than your Smart Car, you still risk the chance that some wacko driving one will get so pissed off at you for beating them to a parking space they’ll ram your Smart Car while you’re in that parking space and, because it’s so small, it will simply appear that it’s part of the bumper design on the car in front of you in that parking space.

Think of it in this concept. You’re traveling down the Interstate in your Smart Car and between two semi’s who you just passed and the drivers are very pissed off at you.smartcar6

Get the point?

Then, suppose you’re driving down a country road and Bambi darts out in front of you.smartcar5

Yep…..not so “smart car.”

There’s been an ad running on TV recently about a Smart Car which shows some guy zipping around a parking garage at 90 MPH, just because he can. Which is what got me on this Smart Car subject today. I thought it was a pretty cute commercial, but wondered how many nerds are now gonna try that stunt.smartcar1

Then I began to wonder about the disadvantages of owning a Smart Car. Some of which I mentioned above. For me, it would be grocery shopping. Like for instance, because that Smart Car pictured above is so small would I then have to make 20 to 30 trips to Wal-Mart when I’m grocery shopping in one day?

Like I’m sure I could get a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and maybe twelve cans of cat food in that car with me, but, what if I buy paper towels, kitty litter, canned food and a box of donuts. Where the hell am I gonna put that stuff. Hence, several trips back and forth to Wal-Mart to get my groceries home.

So what else may be on the horizon when it comes to cars being totally smarter than us? Or, other things car manufacturers may consider putting into cars to make our “Smart Cars” smarter and us dumber. Maybe these things……….smartcar4

I personally am not ready for “Smart Cars.” I still refuse to give up my VCR and the antenna on my roof. Go ahead, laugh. But when your cable goes out and direct TV loses its signal guess who still gets TV reception. HAH!

Ok…OK….so I only get some fuzzy Spanish cartoon channel when cable goes out, BUT… least I get something!

Not to mention, but I will anyway, I still have that damn song by the Playmates stuck in my head, “Beep Beep” and KNOW that one day down the road some idiot in a hot looking Smart Car is gonna pull up next to me and that song becomes a horrible reality.



And do ya think I’m REALLY gonna trust a freakin’ Smart Car to drive itself down any Interstate at 65 MPH as projected for future cars? No way Jose.

I look at it this way. If “I” was so stupid as to not pay attention in high school class and flunked a lot of subjects, who’s to say some Smart Car might not have the same attitude when they’re building it and not pay attention in Smart Car class. And maybe, just maybe, miss out on the basics of doing 65 MPH on some Interstate and braking when it’s approaching another car.

Or maybe some factory dork forgot to install that mini chip that says “STOP…IMPENDING DANGER!!!!”

Nope, keep your damn Smart Cars. Right now I think I’m a lot smarter than any stinkin’ car.

Besides. Who do ya think has to charge up those Smart Cars when their batteries run low? It ain’t the Smart Car. Do ya think it’s smart enough to charge up itself? So how smart is THAT!

Who ya callin’ dumb now Batman?



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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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2 Responses to How Smart is It To Own and Drive A “Smart Car?”

  1. katydidknot says:

    For some reason, I’m really curious about how much they weigh. At our townhouse, we share a back yard driveway with some people who own one. I keep trying to get the kids to go ring the neighbors’ front doorbell so I can run around back while they are distracted and try and pick up their car.

    The kids won’t do it.

    After reading this post, I can see that the car itself would have been able to come up with a better plan than me…

    • misfit120 says:

      Yep….that’s the trouble with Smart Cars…ya can’t out smart them. But…if you can get your dog to dig a big enough hole you could always bury in in the back yard. Works for me.

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